The Journey of a Bunny

Another Personality Test

2009-02-27T11:53:00.002-06:00

Sh@r tagged me on Facebook and I thought it has been a while since I blogged or shared anything about me... You might find the answers interesting, you might not. The first question and the one about the right job for me cracks me up.

GET TO KNOW YOURSELF BETTER

Q: Imagine that you are walking along a path. What do you see around you? A: A yellow corn field against a brilliant blue sky.

Your view on yourself:

You are intelligent, honest and sweet. You are friendly to everybody and don't like conflict. Because you're so cheerful and fun people are naturally attracted to you and like to talk to you.

Q: What do you see near your feet? A: A mirror

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for: You are not looking merely for a girl/boyfriend - you are looking for your life partner. Perhaps you should be more open-minded about who you spend time with. The person you are looking for might hide their charm under their exterior.

Q: Will you pick it up? A: Yes AAAplease

Your readiness to commit to a relationship: You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person.

Q: You walk along and find water. In what form is the water? A: A lake

The seriousness of your love:

You are very serious about relationships and aren't interested in wasting time with people you don't really like. If you meet the right person, you will fall deeply and beautifully in love.

Q: You see a key in the water and you pick it up. What does it look like? A: A beautiful antique key p

Your views on education Education is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can.

Q: Next you stumble across a house. What type of house is it? A: A beautiful old stone castle

The right job for you:

You have plenty of dream jobs but have little chance of doing any of them if you don't focus on something in particular. You need to choose something and go for it to be happy and achieve success.

Q: What do you do next? A: Walk right on inside and explore

How do you view success:

You are confident that you will be successful in your chosen career and nothing will stop you from trying.

Q: Suddenly, something jumps out at you. What is it? A: A wizard

What are you most afraid of:

You are afraid of things that you cannot control. Sometimes you show your anger to cover up how you feel.

Q: Because you are so scared you run until you see a wall blocking the path in front of you. There is a door, but it's locked, so you look through the key hole. What do you see? A: A beautiful house with a vast garden.

Who is your true self:

You are mature, reasonable, honest and give good advice. People ask for your comments on all sorts of different issues. Sometimes you might find yourself in a dilemma when trapped with a problem, which your heart rather than your head needs to solve.

You are Probably What You Wear

2009-02-27T10:23:00.002-06:00

Sharing the following information with those who wish to know more about me. Tell me if you think it is true? I, for one, am intrigued with the answers.

Q: What is your style of clothes? A:Well groomed.

You're a romantic at heart. Sensitive and polite, you don't reveal your feelings to the world and prefer to contemplate your thoughts alone. Nevertheless, you care about others and make a loyal friend.

Q: What do you wear to bed? A: Underwear

You're a romantic person at heart. You are imaginative but your temper can sometimes get in the way of your happiness.

Q: Pick your favorite neckties. A: Dark colored neckties.

You enjoy being alone. You like to life the simple but good life, and you cherish your freedom. You are thoughtful, confident and uninterested in glamor.

Q: Pick your favorite belts. A: Black or brown belts.

You are a lonely and demanding person. You are hardworking as well as intelligent, and can be passionate when in love.

Q: Pick your shoes. A: Boots.

You are adventurous. You have high self-esteem and are able to keep your promises. You like to take chances and are always looking for new opportunities to make your life more exciting.

Q: pick your earrings. A: Small earrings made of precious stones.

You are probably a free spirit at heart with artistic talent. You are absolutely unique and are always coming up with lots of great ideas. Being happy is your most important goal.

Q: Which item do you like most? A: Necklaces.

The last analysis

You are probably a clever and adventurous person. You love to learn new things, and enjoy socializing with friends. Although you enjoy your freedom, you cherish peacefulness and like to spend time alone with your thoughts.

Bunny on Survival Mode

2009-02-27T10:20:00.000-06:00

It has been a while. I know.
Busy is an understatement.
Know that I am doing okay.
Well, at least I have my health.
Grace surrounds me.
I live in faith.
There is hope that everything will turn out just fine.
I appreciate prayers.
I miss my loved ones.
I love teaching in class.
Emails and calls are welcome.
Support and encouragement forms the air I breathe.

How to maintain A Healthy Level Of Insanity

2009-02-03T09:01:00.000-06:00

1. At Lunch Time, Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses on and point a Hair Dryer At Passing Cars. See If They Slow Down.

2. Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don't Disguise Your Voice!

3. Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, ask If They Want Fries
with that.

4. Put Decaf In The Coffee Maker For 3 Weeks. Once Everyone has Gotten
Over Their Caffeine Addictions, Switch to Espresso.

5. In the Memo Field Of All Your Cheques, Write ' For marijuana'

6. Skip down the hall Rather Than Walk and see how many looks you get.

7. Order a Diet Water whenever you go out to eat.

8. Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is 'To Go'.

9. Sing Along At The Opera.

10. Five Days In Advance, Tell Your Friends You Can't Attend Their Party
Because You have a headache..

11. When The Money Comes Out The ATM, Scream 'I Won! I Won!'

12. When Leaving the Zoo, Start Running towards the Parking lot, Yelling
'Run For Your Lives! They're Loose!'

13. Tell Your Children Over Dinner, 'Due To The Economy, We Are Going To
Have To Let One Of You Go.'

And The Final Way To Keep A Healthy Level Of Insanity

14. PICK UP A BOX OF CONDOMS AT THE PHARMACY, GO TO THE COUNTER AND ASK
WHERE THE FITTING ROOM IS.

In His Time

2009-01-12T10:35:00.002-06:00

Within the first 10 days of the new year, I have receive wonderful news from the people around me. Babies are being brought into the world, my best friend is pregnant, buddies becoming a daddy, friends travelling to dream destination, etc. The joyous occasion continues with upcoming graduations and Colleen's wedding. Man! I should have bought a party dress or two in Glasgow. My many congratulations and best wishes to all.

I am happy for everyone, sincerely, but I can not deny the envy I have. I am a weak human who is extremely sensitive to my surroundings. As much as I am trying not to let peer pressure and the social environment affect me, I often fall into the temptation of comparing my life with others, especially in difficult times that currently casts its shadows in the west. Time, space, and age grip me at the ankle and I find myself struggling to soar in the area of my dreams. Yes, I am on the journey, a life-choice of my dreams, but no one ever said that it will be easy. I can't help but wonder whether my choice was the right one, whether I will have the happy occasions in life that my peers are celebrating now.

I am aware it was my choice and I should compare and whine less. What slapped me back to reality was the sermon at church yesterday and the book mom gave me. Giving my best in dealing with the challenges before me goes beyond mentioning, but the psychological and spiritual strengths should not be neglected. The logical and realistic approach is to analyze and emphasize what is important in every challenge. Strategy and systematic methods are used to tackle the problem, but instead of focusing how big the boulder is, I should be looking backwards remembering how BIG God is in His faithfulness throughout history.

There is no doubt that this year will be one that is more challenging that the rest that I have seen being affected by the political and economical currents. Yes, there is a storm ahead but I look towards the lighthouse, find my strength in the anchor of faith, that in His time all things will be made beautiful...

Time-Space Capsule

2009-01-09T07:29:00.002-06:00

Sci-fi has often wowed us with innovative ideas. Even though what appears in writing or on the TV screen sometimes do make us snicker in disbelief, but we cannot deny that such ideas are indeed real in our modern age. Square boxes that opens in one's palm are spoken to and the message is transmitted to another far away is the cell phones that we vitally use everyday... So, who says science fiction is just made up nonsense? It is the human experience that brings all these ideas to life!

The use of the time-space capsule is very real in my life. I find myself transported to a different time and place everytime I enter and leave this machine. Of recent years, my time and space travel has brought me to really fun and interesting places. I enter this containment unit, be occupied with some light entertainment or dormant in my sleep, when I step out into open air, it is a different environment altogether. Living a rather hectic life, riding on an airplane is when I truly feel that I am on the switchboard of my-so-called reality.

Life seems to go on to the very moment that I board that plane. Everything seems so normal for me that by now, I hardly feel the excitement of my trip/travel until I am riding in an aircraft. It is then my brain winds down and reboots itself.

I woke up to the sound of snow shovelling trucks outside instead of the daily news broadcasted over the radio. My beddings feel weird, the duvet is not heavy enough. The bed lumpy and the ceiling looks so very close. Suzanne is not next to me. Looking out the window, it is snowing.

I arrived back in Chicago yesterday after a rather pleasant journey. (Well, my transit at Heathrow was a little hectic and two hours seemed hardly enough to get through the tight security while getting to different terminals. I didn't even get the chance to shop for the stuff I wanted at duty free.) Leaving Suzanne's apartment at 5:30am, my flight out of Glasgow took off at 7:15, and I arrived at O'Hare, clearing immigration at 12:45pm Chicago time. I hardly felt the 11 hours of travel. Colleen picked me up at the airport, we grabbed lunch on our way back, I unpacked a little and decided to go to bed early, well... it was my normal time for bed in UK.

This morning I got up around 6am (about noon) and I am now taking the morning easy easing myself into my "now" environment before the semester starts officially next week. I will head off work soon and try to get some stuff done today... I miss my time in Glasgow. However, I am refreshed and motivated to tackle almost everything that is coming my way.

Goodbye, My Love

2009-01-04T22:24:00.000-06:00

After a wondrous relationship of almost 14 months, I bid you now, farewell.

Boots, my fabulous riding boots that I got from Harajuku. It took me a while to make you mine. I used to think that it was a steep purchase, but even Sunil said you look cool. You have accompanied me on dates and across the continents. You have been my favorite footwear and are my first pair of boots that I have worn out. Although rugged and torn, I was not willing to part with you... not until I have found another gorgeous pair of riding boots that could match in style and comfort... not to mention a pair that I could afford. Sad to say, I cannot bring you back with me. Don't be sad, you will not be alone in your final journey. Suzanne has a pair of boots that have served her well too.

With a tear in the eye, goodbye...

Have a Wondrous Year Ahead, Mom and Sis

2009-01-04T21:17:00.000-06:00

Suzanne and I saw Mom and Su-Anne off at the airport today. After spending a month in the UK, mom and sis are back in the tropics and back to their normal life. It stuck me just before the duo headed to the security gates at the departure hall that we have no idea when will we gather together again. (Seriously, this is the first time I am not certain at all when will can I afford my next plane ticket.) Su-Anne suddenly turn all weepy during our airport-hugging-ritual and that got everyone all teary. Just then, it got me thinking...

Summary of our time spent together this holidays, our first Christmas together since the break of the millennium.

I guess this could be considered a family vacation. Even though we arrived and leave at different times, we still spent 12 days together.
Activities done as a family: Watched "The Drive of Life" together, camping out in front of the TV in the living room, took turns cooking and ate together, shopped in Glasgow, watched a ballet and a musical...
We are still very much the same, maybe certain characteristics are amplified. I hope to change for the better this year, and steer my perceptions of the family towards, only, the good.
Mom and I still need to work on communications. We just don't know how to talk to/with one another.
The 4-way shared conversations were on the low. Suzanne was in KL for a while and the trio had loads of common things to talk about. I felt rather left out, but I have only myself to blame for not being around or keeping myself updated.
I lost my cool once, surprisingly with Su-Anne. I am on vacation and thought that with family, I could do very well as I pleased. Apparently, I forgot that I had to always be careful and this time, incessant nags and disapproving tone of voice got to me. In her defense, it is an environmental factor, and yet my low-esteemed self was challenged. Ego and pride set off my temper.
I am very thankful for the generosity of Mom, Suzanne and Su-Anne for making this holiday a good one. After having a good talk with Rajiv before meeting them, I have readjusted the viewing lenses I have for my family. They are great in their special ways, and in difficult times, I appreciate them more than ever.
Note to self: Need to fugure out decent conversational topics to update my life with the family. The common justification I give myself is that I live in a very different world that I don't feel comfortable sharing about it even with family as it seems that every event is too self-centered whether it is a joy or a pain. Need to work on how to make life events not sound like a brag and yet enough that people would genuinely be interested enough to be concerned about it.

So, 12 days of season-induced-lackadaisical-gastronomical-adventure pictures proved that all of us are "well-rounded" and have enough stored up energy to tackle family business with the unique love we have for one another.

This is Too Much...

2009-01-02T15:01:00.003-06:00

Second day into the new year
I woke up around 2pm
Partying was not what I have been doing
But the family has been camping in front of the Tele
Since the 30th we stretched long nights into the morning
Mom and my sisters chased after the DVDs Su-Anne brought
"The Drive of Life" a HongKong TV Drama
60 40-minute episodes of Cantonese theatrics on life
Though it is not my cup of tea
I joined in so that at least there would be an addition to what we did as a family this Christmas.
48-hours in my Pj-s
Beddings and pillows are now a feature of Suzanne's living room
Hopefully this madness would end tonight
As we finish the final 10 episodes

MADNESS

Christmas Day 2008

2008-12-25T16:06:00.002-06:00

It was Christmas morning, the young ones rushed to the living room where the tree was and started attacking the presents as everyone gathered. Everyone is smiling and laughing in the cozy atmosphere while waiting for Christmas dinner as we enjoy the winter wonderland outside...

The perception of Christmases in the west was not actualized as how most of us would have pictured it. My Christmas this year had a distinctive flavor of its own.

I was awaken by the sound of the tele and joined the family in the living room around 8am. The skies outside was dark and grey. We just planted ourselves and fixed our eyes on the local broadcasts. Vege-ing was literally what we did all morning with an occasional break to get the morning snacks of cookies. Big sis played "super-host" as she started to fix Christmas dinner as mom, Su-Anne, and I watched the classic "My Fair Lady."

Christmas dinner was served with a wondrous spread of English Christmas trimmings surrounding the main course, roast lamb! We sat, we ate, and as every good Malaysian, we were done in record speed and even put away all tableware cleaned and dried within 2 hours! We wined and dined, and moved back into the living room for desserts and more TV.

At the beginning hours of the evening, we did presents and everyone was excited like children. I was not expecting much and therefore was euphoric to be receiving gifts from the family and the family to be. Suzanne got me a Christmas mug and sheep jammies, Su-Anne and Mark supplied me with cosmetics for the year, and mom fed the soul with one of the top selling motivational books in Malaysia for the year.

More food appeared as we took turns to nap in front of the entertaining box. Notions of playing games were soon scraped due to the hypnotic grip of Christmas programs. We later feasted on the leftovers at Christmas dinner and threw in some fresh salad and salmon. Scrumptious...

What I liked best about today was that we just lazed around ALL DAY in our pajamas! I guess we are well rested for the crazy shop-out tomorrow... Boxing Day! Time to get a bang on my buck, or rather pound on my Pound! (Hehe...)

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!

Ow---------yeow-------ch!

2008-12-18T12:30:00.002-06:00

I could barely move.
I can't take off my clothes to shower.
I can't raise my arms.
All I can do is just lay down and whale around.

My sis' apartment is great.
It would be super if someone could turn the thermostat up.
I snuggle in bed and baby my jet-lag.
The morning passed,
My body still aches.
Running to across the terminal at Chicago sure turned me into a flake.

I find my way to the library and the grocery store,
My memory of this place has not faded at all.
Before another nap to nurse the body pain,
I got myself some ingredients for baking,
and managed to fry my Mac charger.
I guess I have to be content with a PC.

Ouch and yeowch is all I can say,
After rubbing analgesic cream it still is the same.
I need to start baking,
and call a few people...
I need to pack again later
for my brother awaits at Birmingham tomorrow.

Is this a poem?
This definitely does not rhyme.
I am in pain so I will try this sometime again.

This is No Joke

2008-12-17T04:21:00.003-06:00

I am now blogging to you from Manchester Airport in the UK. Yep. My vacation officially starts now, but not without a story in itself to tell.

It was just my luck to be flying out of Chicago on a snow day. No, let me correct myself, a SNOW DAY! As much as I like winter and the snow, it is ridiculous how an afternoon of snow caused a normally 30 minutes drive to O'Hare to be a absurd 3 hour inch in traffic. Every mile seems like forever.

My flight was to leave at 5:35pm, after wrapping everything up on campus, Brian picked me up at 3. The snow started snowing around 10:30 and would only cease in the wee hours of the morning. We journeyed steadily in the snow but the back up of traffic started soon after we were on the highway. It was a LONG drive.

Looking at the weather outside, I reckon that flights would be delayed, if not canceled. What mattered more to me was arriving at the airport safe and see how things go from there. I arrived around 6:15pm but the flight was delayed till 6:40. The lady at the counter quickly checked me in, but was unable to check my luggage in. So, thank God I packed light. I pieced my backpack together and begged the security officer to let me pass. I battled through security check with my heavy bags, tore the paper bag that was holding my hand luggage (and other stuff) (Good thing I had thought of bringing my grocery tote bag). I was apologizing profusely and was thankful that only my lotion and facial wash had to be junked.

I raced to the gate with the heavy load of close to 14kg on my back and my original carry-on of maybe 5-7kg. (Hey, I am packing for 3 weeks! It is a huge accomplishment that I am not lugging around the regular travel bag on wheels with all my clothes and another pair of boots.) It was not an easy tasks as I had to keep switching my bag to different hands when they started turning blue from the weight. Again, Lady Luck must be bursting with laughter when my gate WAS the farthest from the security check point. This would be the second time that the entire flight was waiting for me. I was panting and undoubtedly embarrassed when I got to my seat. I had to dismantle my backpack again in order to stow everything away. The last time I remembered sweating like a pig in winter was on my ski trip. It took me close to another half hour just to catch my breath and calmed myself down. Luckily, the plane was waiting for the staff and pilot who was also stuck in traffic. Everyone sat and waited in the airplane. We finally took off at 7:35pm.

After doing the math, it would only be logical that I will arrive at Manchester for my transit late. My flight for Glasgow was scheduled at 8:35am local time, we arrived from Chicago at 9am. I made my way to the American Airlines office and they arranged me on the next available flight north that departs at 2:40pm. I might not have packed my address book and had to go through desperate measures to get Suzanne's mobile number as yes, silly me, I forgot to write it down. Hallelujah there is free wireless and I had my computer with me.

THUS, I have another 4 hours to burn till my 1 hour flight before I get to reunite with Suzanne. I repacked my stuff and left the minimum on my now 1 carry-on. I don't have my charger with me thus I think watching a movie on my MacBook would not be a good idea. Since I had a nap on the plane, I reckon I would do just fine until dinner tonight. It is now 4:4oam Chicago time... I will talk to you guys later. Pray that the next leg would be nothing but smooth sailing. Thank God I made it this far with my sanity intact.

Peace & Serenity of the Season

2008-12-15T15:45:00.002-06:00

"Refreshed" is a word that found its way back to my mind this morning as I climbed out of bed. It has been a long while since I last remember having a good night's sleep. Although I have only slept for a few hours, the stress and anxiety of the Fall semester was washed away like the snow by the rain on Saturday. Like outside, my senses are crisp and fresh. The silence of the room was peaceful, but I do miss Colleen, B, and Nem.

The morning ritual before heading out the door was accompanied by the carols sung by Celtic Woman. Although warm from the shower, cold was felt by every bone once I stepped out of the apartment. 15C? 15F? I must have missed the minus sign before the numbers as I glanced at my PC before putting on my jacket. Cold has a new definition. When the surface of exposed skin starts to hurt in a burning pain and when I feel like putting on another coat or two, that would be cold. At least, I know that I should not hesitate to reach for my coat as the lake-effect only guarantees that it would reach the low of -30C at the peak of winter here.

Focusing on things that would keep me warm, I think of the relaxing evenings I have had since Friday. My weekend movies were adjusted to supply the commercialized festivities of Christmas with movies on the TV. While the TV is on, my hands were busy with the knitting needles. For a change to something more intelligent, I would pick up a book and read while being lulled by soft carols. Maybe I should put in some time for catching up with my correspondences too.

It will be another night of "Suemae-time" tonight. I look forward to heading back and whipping up myself something yummy before I collect my thoughts and stuff. Pray that the snow storm tomorrow will be VERY kind and not to hinder any travel plans.

Turning Violent... (grr...)

2008-12-11T12:46:00.002-06:00

Being a moody person is only half of the description about me. The other half is that I am a highly-stressed walking time bomb. My crazy antics are just mini let-gos that stabilizes the internal madness; otherwise, this bunny might just explode and landing her in an asylum.

I found out that sugar does wonders. And since I have not been having sugar since the beginning of the month... it is war between my Jekyll and Hyde in the pressured times of the Finals week.

How could it be possible to avoid sweets at this time of the year? Christmas is just around the corner and it is a season of baked goods galore. There are bursts of parties here and there and sugar, candy, cakes, and cookies are the main spread. Great... just great!

I had a plan on steps to complete my semester while trying to maintain composure and to wrap it up well. It is a wonder that with the heavy course load and lifestyle I am able to maintain a good grade. (I wonder why does it matter so much? Well, I know the reasons... I am just a very disturbed person with the expectations I set for myself based on my role and identity I walk with.) My outburst on Facebook has brought out the good souls of this season. Although I can't do anything more, I just hope that the damage will be minimum. I am stressed out enough with an elective class that I think, due to the miscommunication in grading choice, is already screwing me over.

Anyways, I am done. I am free! Well, technically, I still have lots to sort out in my personal and financial side of things. Nevertheless, I am glad that I can now start to enjoy the season and let the excitement that leads to my Christmas break build up now.

The no-sweets diet is not really working when I substitute my stress-binge eating with food like cheese and sausages. *Sigh* I went to the opposite polar and started stuffing myself with high-sodium foods. Believe it or not, last night I had my first instant noodle since, possibly, summer! That made my instant noodle break lasted for more than 3 months. Imagine that!

I find myself singing this under my breath...

2008-12-09T20:23:00.005-06:00

Baby, It's Cold Outside
*click title for music*

I really can't stay - Baby it's cold outside
I've got to go away - Baby it's cold outside
This evening has been - Been hoping that you'd drop in
So very nice - I'll hold your hands, they're just like ice
My mother will start to worry - Beautiful, what's your hurry
My father will be pacing the floor - Listen to the fireplace roar
So really I'd better scurry - Beautiful, please don't hurry
well Maybe just a half a drink more - Put some music on while I pour

The neighbors might think - Baby, it's bad out there
Say, what's in this drink - No cabs to be had out there
I wish I knew how - Your eyes are like starlight now
To break this spell - I'll take your hat, your hair looks swell
I ought to say no, no, no, sir - Mind if I move a little closer
At least I'm gonna say that I tried - What's the sense in hurting my pride
I really can't stay - Baby don't hold out
Ahh, but it's cold outside

I simply must go - Baby, it's cold outside
The answer is no - Ooh baby, it's cold outside
This welcome has been - I'm lucky that you dropped in
So nice and warm -- Look out the window at that storm
My sister will be suspicious - Man, your lips look so delicious
My brother will be there at the door - Waves upon a tropical shore
My maiden aunt's mind is vicious - Gosh your lips look delicious
Well maybe just a half a drink more - Never such a blizzard before

I've got to go home - Oh, baby, you'll freeze out there
Say, lend me your comb - It's up to your knees out there
You've really been grand - Your eyes are like starlight now
But don't you see - How can you do this thing to me
There's bound to be talk tomorrow - Making my life long sorrow
At least there will be plenty implied - If you caught pneumonia and died
I really can't stay - Get over that old out
Ahh, but it's cold outside

Baby it's cold outside

Who Do I See?

2008-12-07T14:40:00.003-06:00

Could the effectiveness of effort only be limited to specific things in life? Maybe I am trying too hard? Action based on reason might not be logical after all.

I follow my heart and do what I know would make me happy, the feeling I get when I know the other smiles from the heart from the things I do. Never would I want to force anyone to do anything they do not want to. I guess being indifferent would be the safest route. But would it not be hypocritical if my thoughts does not match my actions? The conversations of care on concern would not be sincere if they do not correspond to the maintenance of a relationship. Why should there be a masquerade of true feelings? Could sincerity be that suffocating? Maybe I am just with those who do not understand me at all? Or could it be that the problem is with me?

The thought came like a slap of cold air. Only recently did I find out the reason/concept behind "Your thoughts are too heavy for me." Maybe being my perfectionist self in doing all I can to making others happy might not be a good idea after all. But could it be wrong to do all I can in order not to let every possible opportunity go to waste? Back to basics, I can not make everyone happy, nor make them understand and accept me the way that I am.

I guess I should go back to being the ice-queen and not care too much about the matters of the heart. Let them come, as D says. Why should I even do anything? However, I can't help it if I find my actions responding to my rational of social order and etiquette. I am not trying too hard, it just comes naturally. Do I really make such a bad girlfriend? Am I being myself causing discomfort to others? Do I repel the opposite sex that badly? Am I that intimidating as a female? Should I seriously consider the role of the frail damsel in distress?

A tragedy led me to contact V. We talked for a while and I guess I am slowly unwinding the knots and considering the guys I have dated. Funny enough, after my first official relationship, V has pretty much influenced how I treat guys who came after me. "Give the guy a chance if he tries so hard." "Why can't the girl make the first move?" It goes against what I would normally do, "Why bother when I know he is not the one?" It echoes arrogance but it is indeed scary when I am right. The chance was given and I opened myself to possibilities. It was not a waste of time, I did learn something through all of these relationships.

Be it a joke or not, V mentioned that we were meant to be together right from the start. I chuckled. Maybe, maybe not. Our time spent apart and the people we encountered in life help mature us to be the person who is meant for one another. Who knows? Although we have feelings for one another, time was the factor. Things would be almost perfect if we could speed up time that allows us to mature.

Getting back in contact would do us both good. Talking to V always helped me sort my thoughts out. Just like the good ol' times of high school. I look forward to chatting with him again. Buddies indeed.

The Death of Me

2008-12-06T22:07:00.002-06:00

Fine. This phrase maybe a little over used this semester. Wait. I have only used it once for my strategy files and idea box project for Language Arts. Thus I guess it will be ok for me to use it again for my final project for Middle School Methods. I am really not in the mood to work on this research paper and I have been procrastinating since I completed all my other assignments for the semester since Wednesday.

One week left till the end of the Fall semester at Judson. Completing all written assignments, I have only my finals for Children's Literature on Monday. I have my journal article presentation prepared for ESL Methods. All my assignments are handed in for Language Arts and my finals is waiting for me on Wednesday. And all I have left for the entire semester is this research paper for middle school methods. The pain is to prepare 35 corresponding questions to the 10 chapters of the textbook, interview some middle school teachers, compare and contrast the answers with the text book ideal, make the connections, and conclude with a grade for the middle school in question. Whoopie.

I am not in the mood for work. I want sweets and candy. The cookies and cakes are beckoning... Argh! Well, just a week to go. God, please help me.

On the bright side, I did pass my bilingual transitional test! We had "Storm the Dorm" on Thursday where staff and faculty members surprise students in the dorm bringing cookies and snacks to encourage the "studying" students. I had a short chat with Dr. C, no, Santa, and my roomies and I got some CDs and beef jerky. We had a Christmas banquet, but the formal dressed-up Christmas events happened over the weekend with the need for purchased tickets. Although I am on a no baked goods/cookie/candy diet since Monday, I did stuff myself with sausages and cheese at the home party at Dr. S' place. B had her senior design show on Friday adn I loved her work. The snow is beautiful and I am thinking that the campus will be white until it gets warm again.

Enough of slacking, I need to concentrate... Gah~ This middle school paper will be the death of me.

Staring at a dot

2008-12-03T09:58:00.002-06:00

I am trying to focus. Although the beauty of the snow outside is mesmerizing, my body seems to be playing a mean trick on me. I have no idea why it is ready to go back to bed again 2 hours after I am up in the morning and the energy level just crashes down hill from there. I am thankful I don't have the sniffles, but work needs to be done without me falling asleep, literally, everywhere at anytime.

Judson had its Christmas Banquet yesterday. I would say it could be rather grand indeed. It is the first time I actually enjoyed the food at the cafeteria, more than my only favorite of spinach quiche as everything else is just nasty. They got the salmon right, and I was even considering getting thirds for the juicy beef tenderloin. It was scrumptious and a little rare, just the way I like my meat. The dessert spread was rather festive too and they had a chocolate fountain. With all the decorations up and the life background music provided, everything would be close to perfect if people we a tinge more dressed up.

At the upper commons, there was a live jazz band playing as students took pictures with Santa Claus under a huge tree and students sticking their raffle tickets into bags to win gadgets like iPod touch, Wii, toys, tickets, and gift cards. JianHui gave me her share of raffle tickets, but since I had no email, I guess I didn't win anything after all.

Nevertheless, I am rather pleased with myself as I have completed all my course work for 2 of my classes now. I just have those of 2 more classes and 2 finals lined up next week. I will also be the coolest teacher in town as I received a bag of goodies for my last day as a teacher's aide. I am now equipped with cool posters and teacher-y stationery. I love it! The boys were also super sweet in signing a card for me. Zac and Ian even made me paper snowflakes with personal messages on them. The male kind are still sweet and cute at the age of 10...

Well, back to completing homework today as I took the entire night off yesterday catching up with Bleach and I made some fruit jelly. It is a strict no sweets diet till Christmas but fruit doesn't count. Yeah, tease all you want but I need to be cordially social at the class get-together this afternoon.

Let it snow, Let It Snow, LET IT SNOW!!!

2008-12-01T00:16:00.002-06:00

Snow has been in the weather forecast all day. As a matter of fact, while watching TV earlier, we are given warning to be alert for snow storms that expires at noon, December 1. It doesn't matter. I love snow.

As the snow piles up outside, I wish it could cover all that is in my mind right now. How nice would it be if everything could be reset to a blank canvas. But then again, would I really want that to happen? Apart from the sight and stillness that comes with every snowfall, I love the feeling and sound of snow crunching beneath me everywhere I go. Crunch, crunch, crunch... if only my worries would go away.

*******

I found out more about myself over the last week. I am an obsessive compulsive person when it comes to crafts and decor. I spent the whole of Tuesday morning putting up the Christmas decorations at work and was on the decorating train and started cutting out paper snowflakes at Christina's prompt. I had fun. Now, visiting the place feels like walking into a party.

Under the stress I am facing in wrapping up the semester, I guess having a pair of scissors and paper handy would be a good idea. After Thanksgiving dinner, I started making more paper snowflakes. For a break on Friday, I folded Swedish Christmas Stars. And within 2 days, I have almost completed a cover for my laptop. I also helped with the kids program at church on Sunday, making crafts, decorating cookies, and serving hot chocolate. It was a good break from working on homework throughout my Thanksgiving break.

It's December. Man! This year went past fast. There is so much I would like to say but I need my head to be focused in wrapping up the semester. 2 weeks to go. I would appreciate prayer, not only for myself, but for all those who will be traveling this month.

THANKSGIVING

2008-11-27T23:52:00.000-06:00

This holiday is a very intriguing concept to me.

(1) Historically, it would be a day of remembering how the Indians helped the pilgrims settle in the new land, teaching them how to grow corn and the sharing of food. But the immigrants killed most of the natives and drove them out of the land of their forefathers.

(2) People now have the whole traditional Thanksgiving spread. (I had the chance to have 3 Thanksgiving meal: on campus, at church, and at Colleen's place.) Turkey, stuffing, cranberry sauce, gravy, mashed potatoes, pumpkin pie/dish, green bean casserole... It is a day where people stuff themselves as they stuffed the bird.

(3) Some hold this day sacred as they frown that commercial places have placed Christmas decorations once the Halloween decor came down. In fear that people would forget this important day, some insist on only having the tree put up, listening to carols... after the Thanksgiving meal or during Thanksgiving weekend.

(4) Black Friday, the day after Thanksgiving and the Christmas shopping begins. An American shopping phenomenon when the sales in the stores cross over from the red to black. It is this time of the year where retail stores make the most of their sales during the pre-Christmas season. Stores have sales beginning from 4am to 1pm! I guess this would resemble the British 'tradition' of Boxing day.

Thanksgiving was a welcomed break as Judson started the holidays from Wednesday. Even so, I am glad because this gave me a few days off classes and I could work on my homework and assignment before the crashing final 2 weeks of the semester. Thus, this year, though honored that I was extended a few invitations to spend my first "real" Thanksgiving, I spent it at Colleen's as she was the closest to family I have here. It was fun to be in a home and spent the whole day stuffing myself. The appetizers were served at 3 and dinner at 5. After dinner, there was a huge spread of dessert and we had a gingerbread-house-making/decorating competition. The 21 of us who came for the dinner had fun being kids again. After we got back to campus, my roommates and I put up the itty-bitty Christmas tree we had and I cut out some paper snowflakes for decorations and the windows.

I do have much to be thankful for this year. Who would have imagined that I would actually be in Chicago right now? I am thankful that God plants a desire in my heart and He provided according to His will. It is not easy at all, but I am learning to rely on His grace and faithfulness. I am a little bummed as I am focusing on my selfish wants and fail to see how blessed I am in the big picture. I have my health, my stubborn energy to press on with my work/studies, little to no money for indulgence, and I have wonderful people placed in my life. I need help with a few other areas of my life which I am having little to no faith now... but yeah, in all things and circumstances, be thankful upon the Lord, for He is great.

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!!

My 200th Post!

2008-11-14T11:57:00.002-06:00

Thank you for your support and prayers. I congratulate you for bearing with my rantings and crazy adventures.

I have not written for what seems like ages now. Busy is an understatement, but somehow in between all of my workload, I can still find time to procrastinate and laze around a bit. My thoughts are constantly stimulated with my studies and cross-cultural experiences, but most of all with my physical pangs of security to my future and dreams. The trees are almost all barren now with the icy rains. The colors of autumn are pretty much gone leaving everything is shades of grey before the anticipated blankets of snow. The schema just exaggerates the cold and lonely feeling of the season.

However, in contrast to the fluctuating coldness of the outside, I am feeling the chippy-est ever this semester. My moods are lifted to those experienced in summer. Yup, one could even catch a sparkle in my eye! Over the past 2 weeks, I have reached the point of exhaustion. I talked to Dr. D telling him that I am buring out with the madness of the semester. We came to a concensus that maybe a compromise might not be a bad thing after all.

Now you know how much I HATE the word "compromise." Why should I discount myself from my potentials and abilities? You know we should not waste! Nevertheless, I have learned that me being a perfectionist has been the cause of most of my stress. I am fairly aware that I cannot do everything, and by addressing that problem, I am lowering the expectations I have for myself to a more reasonable level. My burden was somewhat lifted when I say "Hang the grades!!!" What is more important is that I am learning something and enjoying it, rather than stressing myself over coursework that aims to equipped the young and inexperienced. It is prideful and arrogant for me to say this, but I guess I have established my credibility that even my mediocre work would still rank the top in my classes. But then again, I have already gone through college once and with the accumulated knowledge, there is no reason why I should not be doing well, if not better.

I must be doing something right for my advisor and professors agree to my decision and are glad that I "look" much better now. I was even selected by my most favorite professor here for a school honor. I have no idea what I did or how I did it, but I was extended a pretigious invitation to serve the school and gain valuable experience in my field. Your prayers are really paid off and I am eternally grateful.

November has reached its midway point now and it is only less than a month before the semester ends. My workload, assignments due, and finals are snowballing with the weeks to come. I look forward to Thanksgiving and the Christmas Break. The challenges will only get harder the coming semester and I know that I will only be able to survive by the walk of faith and living by grace. A comprehensive prayer list will be written this year instead of a Christmas wish list. Without your support, I could have never made it thus far. Thank you!

It is November and I need to vent...

2008-11-05T10:21:00.004-06:00

Busy would not suffice for my lack of communicating lately. I am busy and have tonnes of work to be completed, but I am slowly burning out. My mind wonders and I seek pleasures in my addiction of online games. I technically spent 75% of my time outside class sitting in front of a computer. I am easily distracted. I play TALISMANIA. My addiction is bad, I will keep playing the game for hours, at work or while doing homework with the excuse that I am taking a break... Yeah, a break that goes for at least 1.5 hours!!!

Many things have been eating my mind and concentration, too many in fact that when I think about letting them out even I would find myself crazy and disorganized with the bulk load of random thoughts. I would like to just sit down and spill my guts out. Not just to anyone, but someone who seriously cares. I don't deny it. I am seeking for attention, but one that is responsive and that my audience do give a d@mn about what I think and feel. I miss...

... going on a date. I miss going out with someone (regardless gender and proximity) who is really interested to get to know me better, how I am keeping, is not judgmental, and find my rants and thought amusing or maybe entertaining even. I miss my evening walks, my English and grammar class, my sit in the parks, having a meal or coffee together... Joy, the RA, came by yesterday and gave me coffee since places were giving out free food and drinks for voters. She passed me a latte from Starbucks. I looked at the take out cup that adorned with Christmas designs... sigh! Just a year ago, I would have been having coffee at the best tasting Starbucks nation with people I would rather spend all my time with--loved ones and decent dates.

The closest I have to going on a date and having cute guys around is reading to JJ this morning. He's two and he is adorable... so are my reading buddy and the 5th graders I teach. Yup, the men in my life. How exciting! And I am feeling some pressure from a recent email dad sent.

Man! What a morning! The morning after the election. Many have ask how I think about it and how it affects me. Seriously, I would say I am indifferent to the whole ordeal but am only interested to see how the ripple of its effects would affect me. For starters, my roomies and I were never that united to watch TV right into the wee hours of the morning on a week night. All 4 of us were found in bed this morning. (B has been sleeping in the living room for the past 10 days to 2 weeks as she was working on her senior project, and Colleen has been away since Friday.) The other thing was that I really do not have a taste for politics but take interest in how it will affect me as an international student and a future teacher. Thus I look at issues of education and foreign policy/immigration. With a campaign promises of reformation, I would say that I lean towards Obama, but then again, it is only in the weight of the words of a politician. I only look forward to what is going to happen.

The aforementioned are just a glimpse of the tip of the iceberg the pandemonium in my head. I just need to unload and hopefully find someone I am comfortable speak to. I can only do so much with Skype but it would mean the world to me if there is just someone who would sit down right here, right now, and engage...
IS ANYONE OUT THERE???

Snow in October

2008-10-27T16:13:00.002-05:00

Brr... It is cold.

Checking the weather incessantly has weaved itself into my daily online routines. I check it before I finalize my preparations for the day, before I leave any building, before I sleep, and any other time in between. The warning since yesterday was that I should be expecting sudden freezing and flurries (snow but not exactly the type that would stay on the ground an accumulate).

And it did snow! Fancy that! Even before Halloween! Colleen and I were out for a drive yesterday and it started snowing as we made our way back to the car with our groceries at Woodman. Today, it was coming down like rain during class earlier and I was walking back to work with snowlike residue on my coat. Yup! I am getting my coats out and don't be surprised if I do pull out my long coat. I am so ready for gloves too!

*********************

Thank you for your prayer and support. After another weekend of procrastination, I am breaking the norm when I turned on my computer and found out Skype was working. I called home and spoke to Su-Anne, mom, and my grandparents, waking them up bright and early. I stayed up and finished up what was due today. I also checked my mid-terms grades for my classes and thank God I am doing ok. I pray that I would only do better and catch up with my work. There are many things that are bottled up in my head waiting to be blogged... I will get to that when I am all caught up with my workload. Have a great week ahead!

Wanted by Inspiration or Force---MOTIVATION---Reward: One Happy Bunny

2008-10-24T13:07:00.006-05:00

Dry and wilted is how I feel of late. I am fighting off thoughts that would plunge me into the catergory of being depressed, but I have learned that it is not my call.

**********************

Friday again. I guess my spirits will be lifted today. I was all dolled up for my reading buddy this morning. Unfortunately my spunky redhead was absent today, but I was not dissapointed with my time spent with Leslie. She is an ambitious reader and I am so proud of her when she spotted words like "emancipation." Good girl.

The reason I was specifically dolled up today was because it is FOUNDER'S DAY at Judson University. This was one of the RARE occasions when all roomies of 307 was present for chapel. B, Nem, and I was paying our dues as cultural ambassadors as be carry our flags in the processional, and Colleen was in the choir. I must say the 4 of us were dressed to impress. Anyways, chapel was good and it was packed. (Yes, the many rare occasions when professors are decked in their robes and many students were present since they will receive double credit hours for this day.)

I sang my heart out at the chosen hymns. I needed that. How I missed my days of choir and voice lessons. The choir then did a presentation of "Worthy is the Lamb," to me that was Handel's Messiah chorus No.53. It was strange hearing it in English and although the choir was good, I thought TCI's choir was WAY BETTER. We have life, we have good coordination, and I could hear the differences in why we sounded better under the wisdom of Tenda-sensei. I will be blasting the Messiah Commemoration CD made in celebration of TCU's 20th Anniversary when I get back to my room.

********************

Have you ever experience an immediate answer to prayer? I know I have some good ones. Well, this can be argued but I have just been thinking about how I miss having good guys around. Don't get me wrong, I love my roomies and my classmates who are nothing but wonderful, but I do miss having people around me who know, accept, and love me just the way I am and spoiling me in the gentleman/guy-kinda way. To my surprise, Mr. H, a classmate from Children's Lit, made an appearance at Financial Aid within the same hour those thoughts were running in my head! He is a dying breed of young men the world suffers. His momma brought him up right in being a gentlemen among the college students I have seen here. I think we only spoke, maybe 3 times since the end of August, but he came in today with no specific Financial Aid reasons just to say "Hi!" Bless his heart. That was sweet and it kinda made me feel good after facing social suicide at the Volkman lounge opening on Wednesday night.

***********************

I sincerely hope that this weekend will be a good one as I battle my homework. Yep... I am still swimming. Half of the semester has gone and 7 weeks left to the end of the semester. I seriously need motivation in finding joy these days. Do pray for me that I will be able to get through this rough patch.

***********************

Ending on a lighter note....

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, SUNIL!!!!

Do you think Trump could do this??????

2008-10-16T15:49:00.002-05:00

THE NEW SURVIVOR SHOW

Have you heard about the next planned Survivor show? Three businessmen and three businesswomen will be dropped into an elementary school classroom for 6 weeks. Each businessperson will be provided with a copy of their school district's curriculum, and a class of 25-30 students.

Each class will have five learning-disabled children, three with ADD, one gifted child, and two who speak limited English. Three will be labeled as severe behavior problems. Each businessperson must complete lesson plans at least 3 days in advance with annotations, and modify, organize, or create materials accordingly.

They will be required to teach students, handle misconduct, implement technology, document attendance, write referrals, correct homework and tests, make bulletin boards, compute grades, complete report cards, document benchmarks, communicate with parents regularly, and arrange parent conferences. They must also supervise recess and monitor the hallways. In addition, they will complete drills for fire, tornadoes, or shooting attacks. They must attend workshops, faculty meetings, union meetings, and curriculum development meetings, just to name a few. They must also work extra hard with those students who are behind and/or learning disabled, and strive to get them and the two non-English speaking children proficient enough to take the national achievement tests. If they are sick or having a bad day, they must not let it show. Each day, they must incorporate reading, writing, math, science, and social studies into the program. They must maintain discipline and provide an educationally stimulating environment at all times.

The business people will only have access to the golf course on the weekends, but on their new salary, they will not be able to afford it anyway. There will be no access to vendors who want to take them out to lunch, and lunch will be limited to 30 minutes. On days when they have recess duty, the business people will be permitted to use the staff restroom as long as another survival candidate is supervising their class. They will be provided with two 40-minute planning periods per week while their students are at specials. If the copier is operable, they may make copies of necessary materials at this time, provided they have not used up their allotted number of copies.
The business people must continually advance their education on their own time and pay for this advanced training themselves. Moonlighting at a second job or marrying someone with money can accomplish this. The winner will be allowed to return to his or her job.

Who still thinks teaching is easy?

My Reading Buddy

2008-10-10T10:23:00.009-05:00

"Hey Suemae, you are gonna have a long day today, ya?"

"Yup... I need to be at school to read to my buddy, then get back on campus to work all day, and will head out to the conference at 4:30. Will be back late tonight," as rubbed shampoo into my hair.

"And you have class tomorrow morning, ya?"

"Yup... 8 to 12." Crap! I do have class. With all my homework due on Monday with a mid-term that I am falling back on my readings... How would I cope?

*** (-__0 #) ***

I jumped out of the shower and tried not to let the busy schedule get to me as I prepared. Well, no matter how crazy things get, I look forward to see CJ.

As a part of my Children's Literature class, we are participating in a reading program with the neighborhood school. We have a reading buddy in the 3rd Grade whom we will spend 30-minutes every week to read to, with, and by. I have a spunky red-headed boy and I think he is just wonderful. The purpose of this class is to get us exposed to more children's literature and see how it interacts with real children. The kids at the school are from high-risk family and some even have immediate family members who are involved in gangs, etc.

I love reading with CJ. Just half-hour of my time does wonders for both of us, and it sure reminds me about my days of English tutoring. He is a very smart kid to me. I was touched that he practiced books that were slightly above his reading level, and long books too! He read to me "Click, Clack, Moo" our last time, and today, "David Gets in Trouble." I reckon he loves fun books so I read to him "I Ain't Gonna Paint No More" and we read "Curious George" together.

He is an excellent reader to me. Not perfect, but persistent. He was flexible to indulge in my whim to read Curious George which he did not practice reading before, and although

it was LONG and a few difficult words were present, he plowed on, sound the words, and we had a great time with sidetrack stories too. I guess my time with CJ will be my oasis in this mad semester. I can't wait till next Friday!

Sleepy and Distracted Thursday

2008-10-09T09:06:00.005-05:00

... (laughs) It is more like I am sleepy everyday of late. Somehow I seem unable to get any good rest or sleep these days. I could hardly get out of bed every morning since Sunday and that has been costing me my hours at work. Grr... I will be short of maybe 5 hours this week!

My homework pile has mutated into this grotesque and annoying beast. I have no one to blame but myself for procrastinating. Contrary to what everyone thinks, I can be a slob at times and without the OC organizing, I am just lost. I stayed up till 3 last night just to organize my homework and now I have an idea of the work that needs to be done. I talked with Dr. D yesterday and he said "Still swimming is good... Don't sink. Keeping one nostril out of the water is still ok."

Apart from the regular excuses, I am unable to do one of my assignments as it bugs me whenever I tackle it. An article for my Assessment for ESL class was due last Saturday but I had not been able to find the time since I went for the Basic Skills Test that day. After that, whenever I pick up the paper, I am simply challenged by the enormous burden of understanding the need for bilingual education. I sat down for 4 hours but still could not produce the needed response paper. The friendly RA came over to study and I ended up bouncing my thoughts off her for an hour. 2 days and a lunch conversation about the topic with my ESL focus supervisor later and I still am struggling with the paper.

And then of course, I am so ready for the semester to be over. Plans for Christmas and winter break has taken form and I even had a grocery list done for Christmas Eve, Christmas, Mom's Birthday, New Year's Eve, and New Year's dinner! I could even tell you the menu!

Well, there is just so much that needs to be done now. For today, let me just concentrate on getting through the day. I aim to squeeze at least 3 hours of work, play catch up and house-keeping during my practicum at Westminster (ooh, I need to get that Bulletein Board done soon), finish up all of my lesson plans for Middle School (5 more and an overview), and hopefully tackle my ESL workload. Hmm, I think the laundry needs to be done too...

We are insane to be doing this...

2008-10-07T01:13:00.003-05:00

It is 1:14AM and we just got back from shopping at Woodman's. Nem is planning to go on the Master Diet and needed to get stuff for her 10 day dietary supply. Since all of us will be joining her in some form of weight reducing regime, we decided that this will be the last night for solid food to go into our system. (Well, I am cheating with fruit intake as I could not afford to look sick or pass out when I am doing my practicum and readings at the schools.)

The menu at the moment are eggs, guacamole and chips, prata, rice, and possibly pasta.

Man! A carb fest! ... and it sure feels like a Friday!

My Favorite Children Authors

2008-10-06T21:21:00.006-05:00

My assignment for my Children's Literature class week ago was to read an autobiography of a children's author. The assignment was a challenge at first for I had trouble thinking about children's authors. I thought of my favorite authors like C.S. Lewis and J.R.R. Tolkien, but I was looking for someone more focused on writing for children. My mind turned to the things I love and what I could remember. I couldn't really decide on one, thus I picked three and did some research on all of them.

Beatrix Potter, Roald Dahl, and Enid Blyton

*click for more information

Some conclusions can be drawn immediately from my choice. (It is kind of scary as the choices reflect who I am to a great extent.)

They are well known and considered as classic children's authors. (I am a sucker for the classics.)
They were all English writers. (Hail the right use of the language and grammar! It reflects my educational background too.)
These authors had their share of life challenges and produced what I think are the best books of all times. (Inspiration and encouragement.)

Although it might seem far fetched, but I reckon some of my boldness, wittiness, and thirst for adventure and life were greatly inspired by these good people. At the end, I brought two authors to class and narrowed down on Beatrix Potter (a dead giveaway as I love bunnies).

Beatrix Potter. Written and Illustrated by Alexandra Wallner

Beatrix Potter: The Story of the Creator of Peter Rabbit by Elizabeth Buchan

Beatrix Potter by John Malam

Who are your favorite authors? Care to share? I would love to learn from you.

Outburst

2008-10-01T20:26:00.003-05:00

I can't believe it is already the end of Wednesday. Where did my week go? Where did September go? I have been plowing forward with my head buried in the semester madness that I hardly have time to breathe. Yes, I am whining and complaining; however, it is not in bitter or negative connotations. I just wished I had more time and need not worry about money so that I can give my best in everything I do.

I am doing what I am supposed to be doing. It is rather overwhelming but it is my passion. I guess what I want is for people to give me a little credit that I am doing my best. I know it seems self-centered and that I crave for attention. I little pat on the back saying, "You are working so hard. Keep up the good work. I have faith in you that you would do good." I would like some of that in the physical realm of human beings, but knowing mankind, it is better for me to look up and ahead for it instead. I guess I am like a dog; a rub on the head and throwing me a treat for being good would be nice.

Maybe I am just being a big wuss. Maybe I just need to plan my time better. So... I am not that special. Time to stop the whining and just keep swimming.

Negatives chi aside, I am having fun with my class of boys I am observing. I get to hang around 15 really adorable 5th graders every Tuesday and Thursday. I can't wait to start teaching. It is the energy in the classroom that fuels the passion. I have been to Westminster Christian School twice now and simply love it. I guess I would use this as my oasis. The other course requirement I am looking forward to is for my time with my 3rd-grade reading buddy at Gifford School beginning next week.

I look forward to Fall break as it would give me time to catch up with all the work I am supposed to do... but before that, there is Mid-term.... WHOOPPIE!!!!

HAPPY BITHDAY, DAD~

2008-09-30T12:34:00.003-05:00

Happy birthday to you,

Happy Birthday to you

Happy Birthday to dad, daddy, papa, father, paternal parent, male gene provider... (can't think of any other words right now)

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!!!

Many happy returns of the day!
My best birthday wishes goes out to Samanatha and Melody too.
I miss you guys so very much.
XOXOX

Wednesday Thoughts

2008-09-24T20:25:00.003-05:00

Skype is not being very nice to me right now. Since I own a MacBook and although it is equipped with all the gadgets, I am unable to use video/voice calls on MSN. So, I have signed up for Yahoo Messenger. Please search for me at "suemaefoo" if you wish to chat. I was chatting with Baileyna and Lucy this morning and it was "Grrreat!" Make my day, call me today!

*****

If you have nothing sincere or intelligent to say, silence is valued.
Don't advertise yourself as stupid.

*****

My crazy Wednesdays start today. (9:00-10:00) Japanese Tutoring (10:15-11:45) Financial Aid (12:00-1:00) Japanese lesson (1:15-) Lunch (2:00-5:00) Language Arts leaving at 3:40 driving out to Elgin Education Center (4:00-8:00) ELL Assessment (8:30-) Homework

I have a MOUNTAIN LOAD of assignments. Don't ask me how am I able to handle it, ask me after it is all over whether I have any sanity left.

Birthday Reflections

2008-09-23T23:59:00.000-05:00

Birthdays are never a big thing for me. I guess I have conditioned myself not to make a big deal out of it. It is not because I think THAT less of myself, but I guess I just think that if I do mean something to some, they could treat me special everyday if they wanted. My birthday is just like every other day. For me, I just spend the day thinking about life, just like every other day, maybe more than any other day. I do enjoy spending time with those who really care about my journey of life.

LIFE came crashing at me. It is challenging. It comes with my pursuit of my passion, and thus even with all my whining, I will overcome and demand nothing but success. At this moment, I just wish that I have been training myself hard to deal with everything. It is not impossible, I am just tired and need more organization.

I was really stressed out Monday night after I left ESL Methods. My pile of coursework just mutated into a beast that takes pleasure in drowning my soul. It is not all bad, just a little too overwhelming as the time I wish to have to complete them is a luxury I do not have. Waves of emotions came crashing upon me. I miss having those who work magic on my rainy days around me. I retreated to a long hot bath and cookie making to cheer myself up.

Putting emotions to work is probably the best thing for me in times like such. Colleen asked me to proofread a very important letter of recommendation for the appointment of full professorship of a professor whom we both adore. The 2.5 hours spent on it brought back memories of translating paperwork at TCU, I get to see what a smart student's writing is like and compare it to mine, and I finally KNOW that my writing is not bad at all.

At midnight, B and Nemma came jumping out from the bedroom and scream-sang "Happy Birthday" at the top of their lungs. (It was a big thing as these two are the most mellow and passive people apart from me. That little activity possibly shortened another few years of Nem's life. It meant a lot.)

Today was just another full day of work and homework was the only thing on my mind. I did take my morning slow and reported in for work slightly past 11 bring Jamba Juice for my favorite Financial Aid people. They gave me a surprise of Dunkin Donuts and my 2nd b-day song. It was nice. I hid there for the rest of the day and took off slightly early for a date with my homework. While making dinner, Macchan called!!! Maaaa-bin called me and we caught up. Man! I missed that guy! We reminisced about the fun birthdays we shared to share.

I made dinner for myself and Nem, then brought it to her at the library. I made it back for HOUSE but was certainly not in the mood for homework anymore. The build up of annoyance just put me in the driving mood and I steered Colleen and B out the door for a drive. We drove around to the normal places we go and chilled at Dunkin Donut to wait for Nem to get off work. We picked her up at 11 and went to Denny's for more food.

There is no big deal about my birthday. I was hoping some people to ring me up or something, but I had fun replying the many Facebook messages received. Thanks, guys. Your prayers will sustain my day, semester, and year.

Celebrating My 5th Aniversary of My 21st Birthday

2008-09-22T15:16:00.003-05:00

The phrase was borrowed from a close friend of mine. I guess most of us succumb to peer pressure thinking that revealing one's age is a taboo. It doesn't bug me that much anymore. I have been teased every year by friends and classmates in high school. It was kind of annoying; but hey, despite the age, they have been babying me a lot.

Anyways, I really don't mind being asked my age any more. People are not comfortable talking about their age simply because they are anxious about what people may think about them, what have the achieved or done with their life at their age. My confidence might have been built on the fact that I have been through a lot, and though it might not be success in the eyes of others, I think I am running the good race and doing people proud. If unpredictability describes me well, I guess I would be young in lieu of my mature side of going through so much in life for my age; on the other hand, my child-likeness allows for the element of surprise when people find out my real age and how well I have disguised my serious-self.

Embarking on my 26th year in life in another environment... I amaze myself by reminiscing past birthdays (a little scrolling action is required as direct access to the blog entry seem not to be working).

Happy Birthday, Suemae (2007)

Jinxed Out(?) (2006)

23 on 23 (2005)

Wow! I do see myself maturing, not only in thoughts but my writing too. I guess keeping a journal/blogging does help track one's growth. I notice the major improvements on grammar and writing style. (^ ^) My hopes are that they get better as time goes on, just as every aspect of my life in general. I look forward in anticipation to what the good Lord has installed for me.

Due to the difference of time and space, I have received many superb birthday wishes from family and close friends. Thank you guys for making me feel well loved. I do not expect much this year, but who knows what will happen? It might just be another day of work and dealing with homework. I will share my thoughts about this anniversary soon.

Chinatown Lunch

2008-09-20T23:30:00.002-05:00

The International Student Office organized a trip to Chinatown today. Thinking that it would be an opportunity to mingle with the international students and participate in school activities once in a while, I decided to join them (thinking that it would be an opportunity to freeload on a trip downtown. We were treated to lunch, but the rest of the traveling cost was from our pocket).

It was a LONG day and I found out 2 things about myself. (1) I do not function well in crowds. It is not because I am intimidated, or that I am antisocial on purpose. I just have no interest to be best friends with everyone and I seriously don't care what they think about me. I do portray a mean and arrogant front, but I always participate in conversations in the company of 3 or less.

(2) My expectations for organization is very high, made worse with my experiences and 'training' in the Japanese setting. When trips are organized, the organizers should be able to communicate important information like costs beforehand, knows how to get to the place, made reservations, and at least have a tentative agenda.

Lunch was served at the Three Happiness Restaurant. It was by far the most awful Chinese cuisine I had in America. I am thankful for the treat, but my taste palate has been significantly ruined.

**************************

Nevertheless, I had my own kind of fun after lunch. I left the crowd of 30 and went shopping on my own on State St. It has been a LONG time since I have been 'shopping.' If memory serves me right, this is the 2nd time this whole year that I was actually shopping for my pleasure. I spent time looking through stores allowing myself to find something I like. I spent close to 4 hours doing just that and had a good harvest for a fashionable autumn and winter. I had to stop myself, or should I just went on and get a dress and skirt too? After all, this was my treat to myself. Okay, I might be giving myself a little too many treats. But look on the bright side, I might not have to go shopping for the next few months apart from a down jacket/coat and possibly that skirt from GAP. (itchy hands...... SLAP!) I found out another thing about myself, I am settled in when I am able to walk around the city, comfortably hitting places I want to go, on my own.

届きました〜

2008-09-19T12:25:00.001-05:00

It arrived! It arrived! I was told to expect something in the mail, but it sure top it off that I received my 1st birthday gift in the mail today! Yay!
I love it. The sweet and simplicity of how things should be. It goes with the dress Megu-chan made. It definitely put me in a very domestic mode.

Things are sure getting better. I have nothing specific for the day apart from a meeting with the teacher in charge of the class I will be teacher aiding this semester at 4:30. Even though sleep was not sufficient for the night before, I was already content with my day being able to chat with a darling on the phone. I went out with Colleen for a bank run around 7 and decided to get some groceries to make our usual family dinner. Before we left, I was sorting out my paperwork and found out that I actually received a raise in my pay. My first pay check was calculated on the minimum wage (since I was new to this school and all) but from my 2nd paycheck I was given the pay of a "senior" student. Sweet. It is just a 50cent raise, but no more complaints about that.

Amidst all the joy, I was in the mood for cake. Strawberries were on sale and I wanted to have strawberry short cake after dinner. Getting all our foodstuff, Colleen and I went back and shared a scrumptious dinner of chicken-rice, stir-fried spinach, prata, lentil curry, and guacamole with chips with our roomies. Our weekly family dinner ends up being a feast while watching DVDs. We had dinner while watching Failure to Launch. Dinner was very much an inspiration from the gift. After we ate, the movie continued as I prepared dessert with the option of tea. The sequence was very much like having dinner at Okasan's. I assembled the cake, and viola!
My roommates have officially dubbed me crazy for this and I found out to what degree my obsessive compulsive perfectionist madness is. It was the layering inside the cake that impressed them. "Well, everyone deserves pretty things!" I had fun and was actually "high" from making dinner and enjoying it with great company. We had fun, slacked Friday night away with She's the Man, and ending it with Shawshank Redemption.

I love my Friday nights. お母さん、ありがとう！

Children's Literature

2008-09-19T00:29:00.000-05:00

I have found my oasis for the crazy semester. This is the only class I honestly like and would actually put the extra effort to do well. The content of the class is fascinating in itself, but I guess it is the professor who makes the difference. No matter how tired or distracted I am with life, just sitting in this class for the past 3 weeks have calmed me down.

There are a few things about the professor that draws my attention.

1. His voice. He speaks clearly at a soothing pitch. He reads to us with enthusiasm and one can get lost in the story with his accent and life brougth to each character. We are reading Because of Winn Dixie and other picture books in class and I enjoy every minute of it. The other professor on my list to have mesmerized me by voice and diction was Inoue-sensei.

2. His passion for his work. I have always enjoyed children's books, especially the illustrated ones. Being in this class has given me the exposure to the many wonderful books out there that communicates life. Being in class is like being immersed into the sea of ideals transcended through writing. He has high expectations and demands professional standards in dealing with literature. I am inspired to give my best in the picture book read-aloud, being reading buddy to a student of the local school, and writing my own children's story (that has the opportunity to be picked, illustrated by the media arts students, and published).

3. His piercing eye-contact. There are a handful of people in my life who has the ability to pierce right through my soul when we share eye-contact while speaking with each other. It penetrates through everything, my raw self is exposed, and often I had to refrain my tears from betraying my usual facade. This professor has shared the spot with my mentor and my pastor. They have enough years and experience to look at the very nature of God's creation and love them as commanded. The cold steel of my spine melts and is readily strengthed by the influence of these great people.

"You have said nothing in class again today, Suemae. Is everything ok?" "You are participating and engaging in class. You have many great comments in your group discussion." "Please try to speak out in class. I am trying to raise the bar." I guess I did something right when I was called to answer a question during my first week of class. My choice to be an observer in my 2nd class, continued in the 3rd might be hindering my potential. Ok, time for my voice to be heard. I would go the extra mile. I would breakout of my comfort zone and hopefully say something good.

I am SO ready for the weekend

2008-09-18T13:01:00.004-05:00

Hah! 1 class to go and I will be done for the week. Well, it is not like I have any fun plans to look forward to. It will be just the same ol' agenda fending off procrastination and the 'slack bug,' while desperately trying to complete all my homework.

I guess I am burning out, fast. I just wished that there could be more hours in a day and I could have the concentration of a hawk. Classes are setting its pace but the mini projects in every method class is driving me nuts. It is worse when these assignments are graded above the other load of coursework I have for the same class. Nevertheless, I have learn to find joy in classes and entertain myself with the little tasks asked to perform.

For example, my Language Arts Methods class can be overwhelming when there is just so much the professor wants to cover. Her speed in speech matches Melody and the load of information just comes crashing down. You would know that I am giving up and need a break when I start to doze off. Anyways, the lighter part to the class is that we get to do activities in building a learning community (something we are being modelled to that we can use in our future classrooms). I love the artwork and have fun with crafts. Yesterday we even had "listening cupcake" where our partners would give us verbal directions on how they would like us to decorate their cupcake. Prof. Stombres provided the material and I had tonnes of fun, just like a kid. Maybe that is why I would enjoy teaching the elementary classroom as I like doing stuff kids do. We can all learn and play together. Now, wouldn't that be nice?

Thought for the week: My focus for this semester would be developing skills and lesson plans for ESL and Language Arts. (I guess that would be my focused content area.) My classes this semester will support and prepare me for that. I need to find the connecting point to integrate all of my classes to work in order for me to be on top of the pile of madness. Just keep swimming, swimming, swimming...

OMG! I Can't Believe that I am Jealous!

2008-09-16T15:56:00.006-05:00

I need to pull myself together. I have tonnes of work to do and I have been having a headache since this morning. I seriously do not need something out of my control to occupy my mind and tease my sanity right now. Oh, crap!

***********************

The American college attire. Shorts, tank tops, flip-flops and a hoodie.
I would only wear this on days I care less about everything else. It knocks off years and I get to be a teenager again.

***************************

(9pm)
Arrgh! I have been waiting for this all summer. I know it starts today. I made sure that I was in close proximity of the TV. I waited for the time. House Season 5 starts today. I was ready to watch my favorite series at 8pm. To my horror! It was 8/7c .... meaning it started at 7pm central time!!! I only managed to catch the last 10 minutes of the show. Boo! Great! That made me feel SO MUCH better (over dose on the sarcasm).

Anyways, I did start cooking. I made maggi goreng and the nyonya dessert of tapioca, coconut milk and syrup. I do feel a little better now. What was I thinking doubting myself? It is ok. Life is not fair, but all I can do is make the best of what I can do. I just have to be myself... After all, it is supposed to be patient, kind, does not envy, and is build on faith and trust.

An All Nighter

2008-09-15T23:29:00.001-05:00

Desperation had driven me to ask Colleen to take us out for coffee. I need to finish up my homework before classes today. The strong brew entered my system at midnight and I have not slept a wink since. I had 2 assignments for Children's Lit and another 4 for ESL Methods. Since we didn't really have to evacuate after all, the flood excuse would not suffice.

My brain must be deteriorating. I am taking far longer to finish up papers than when I used to. Either that my mind is not as fit as it was, or I am putting more effort into my work. It took me close to 6 hours to write a 2-page journal article response, in hopes that both content and writing mechanics are of superior standard. Good thing I just have to proof read the other paper for the same class, I was done with my homework for Children's Lit by daybreak.

My body was thrashed. It is telling me to sleep. I tried, but I can't. I ended up doing some reading but just could not concentrate. I had my encounter with Preeti Ratatouille. It was running around in front of the TV, climb on the the side of the love seat where B usually is, and did a back flip. Hmm, very entertaining at 6 in the morning. It was around 7 when I started preparing myself for the day. I was planning to get breakfast since I had to get to somewhere to wash up as the water was not back. By 7:15 creaks were heard. I turned the faucet and there was water! I ended up cleaning the apartment and went to work around 8.

It has been months since I pulled an all-nighter. (Ok, I cheated a little dozing off at work.) But I was like a wired robot all afternoon before taking dips in ESL class in the evening. (I didn't finish my homework after all and asked for grace for them to be submitted by Wednesday.) I got back to the room past 9:30, took a long shower and worked on some "emergency" emails. Sunil sure knows how to catch my attention. Anyways, I'd better hit the sheets before I come down with a cold.

Good night and sweet dreams! (_ _)zzzz.....

Sloppy Sunday

2008-09-14T16:05:00.004-05:00

"In this 2 days, Suemae, I have seen more of your bu** than I would ever see in a year."

Don't you love how little disasters bring us all closer together? By now we could even monitor each other's pee counts. We all woke up around noon today. The water has resided A LOT but the water is still not turned on. We traveled to the fitness center again for shower bonding time. Since we were in the car, we conveniently went to grab lunch at Little Caesar's and watched Atonement as we ate. After the long movie it was time for potty break again. This time we went over to Lindner Tower. Yup, we are trying to use the bathrooms of all other campus buildings. This is getting a little out of hand, we are actually driving to use a working bathroom. Oh, how we take water for granted.

Anyways, I need to apologize to Miyoko and Masako. All the discipline acquired in dressing up before I leave the threshold of my room were flushed away when the storm came. I have been in my pajamas all day. I wore my Nike sweat pants with my DC T under my pink Uniqlo hoodie and have been strutting around in my flip flops to the Fitness Center, Little Caesar's, Lindner Tower, and even to the downtown Elgin grocery store. How much more sloppy can I get? Who cares? It is America.

So, Colleen is baking cookies right now and I should seriously work on my homework. I need to head to the library later to discipline myself. 5 assignments due within the next 24 hours. Go, bunny, go! I hope the water will be turned on this evening. My brain needs to refocus from the movies picked this weekend.

Could This Day BE Anymore Eventful?

2008-09-13T23:57:00.005-05:00

"Hey Suemae, there is no water." What? I got up around my usual Saturday sleep in and was not too happy when I couldn't take my usual pampering shower. I heard the hum of the water pump outside and Colleen explained to me that the water supply was turned off due to the flood. Our option was to use the showers at the Fitness Center.

Annoyed, Nem, Colleen, and I did a little computer work before we started packing to hit the showers. When we step out of the threshold, HOLY COW! It has flooded indeed!!! Tyler Creek that runs through campus has turned into a white water river threshing through before our eyes. The pond was overflowing and water came right up till the flight of Volkman stairs. Although Plant Operations came to lay sand bags around the building, the basement was flooded. I was told that the flooding in the basement/sub-level was worse last year, but the actual swelling of the river and pond was far worse this time. We were declared to be in national state of emergency (due to extreme weather conditions).

B didn't want to get up so the 3 of us made it to the car after wading through the wet basement. We piled into the car when Colleen's door would not close. We tried and tried but it just seemed like the frame did not fit the door anymore. Wet in the rain, the annoyance just increased. We took the long way around campus to get to the Fitness Center as the bridge and roads connecting our journey immediately were not in use due the rushing waters. Well, the good part about our shower excursion was that I get to relive the ofuro scene again but with my current roomies. Naked fellowship brings us closer to the next lever.

We needed to get some food and water since we can't do anything in the room. But soon we were told that if the rain does not stop and if the water keeps rising, we have to be prepared for evacuation. In fact, we were encouraged to evacuate. This did not make any of the 307 residents happy at all. We packed up Colleen's car and people were starting to get catty. Well, experience something new that helps understand my roomies better again.

We went to the library, I got my card and we borrowed some DVDs. We then went to CiCi's as I was feeling like spinach pizza. We stuffed ourselves with the all-you-can-eat and picked up some water at Woodman's. The rain stopped and we came back to chill in our room. We soon learned that 2 more rain systems will come down within the next 24 hours and the water might rise again. The evacuation might be decided for sure now. Yet, we just decided to chill in our room... simply because we rather be here together than anywhere else. We popped in a movie and right about in the middle of the movie, the alarm went off.

"Oh great, tornado alarm!" We immediately went downstairs to the 3-inch flooded basement and was soon shuffled out of the building into the parking lot. It seemed that it was the fire alarm that went off and we were asked to move to the side of the building to let the fire trucks and other emergency vehicles come through. Nem, Colleen and I packed into the car again and just sat there doodling sadistic nonsense on the foggy windows. Could this day get anymore eventful?

When it was declared safe to be back in the building again, we continued our movie. We were thirsty and since we used most of our cups and glasses last night, we end up drinking shots of water with the teeny-tiny glasses I had for keeping used tea-bags. B returned and we popped in Sweeny Todd to watch. The borrowed DVDs started giving us problems so we moved from watching it on the TV to B's MacBook Pro. When we were done with the movie, all of us desperately needed a potty break.

We took a 5 minute walk to Upper Commons. We made the toilet excursion fun and stopped to stare at the threshing creek that turned into a raging river. Colleen thought we were raptured when she returned from studying at Jamesons'. She wondered where we went as she thought 11 would be time for dinner. A deer almost ran into our car on campus. We ended up with take-out from McD's. Great! Why am I spending so much just because we do not have water?

Although the water has receded much since this afternoon but things are still crazy over here. The water will still be out until the basement is no longer flooding. That means no plumbing till after the sun comes out, which is roughly mid-Monday perhaps. We watched another movie when we got back as it is impossible to get any studying done now. No worries I am safe, not very sound since I have tonnes of homework due on Monday. I wonder whether there is any madness left for tomorrow?

Snazzy Dinner

2008-09-12T23:30:00.001-05:00

Fridays have been special for me. I have been looking forward to the weekend as long as I can remember. From the fun days of choir and Friday Evening English Time to simply ending the blood-sucking work week, from weekends of just hanging out at Yoyogi park to locking myself in away from an environment I dislike... Now, Friday wraps up my crazy week and I get to hang out with my roomies.

We had dinner downtown today. Nem and B had to get their biometrics done at the embassies and was downtown since morning. Colleen, Preeti and I were to meet them for dinner after we are done with our agendas on campus. Although it has just been gloomy and muggy all day, we were glad that we are making the trip together.

It is without a doubt that if you spend enough time with each other and experience events together, you will soon learn a lot about your companions. Ever since I arrived I've heard that we have a Chicago expert among us. However, we got lost last night taking a major detour of 1 hour's walk to the dodgy part of the city, walked around a chocolate factory, but finally reached our destination in the rain. Well, I knew we were going in the wrong direction, but since my guides were so sure, I just took it as a work out to work up an appetite. My jeans and shoes were wet, but if I can walk into a restaurant looking decent and presentable, I am not too bothered by it at all. Nem and B got a little annoyed waiting for us as they were trying to get us a table. Colleen and Preeti were just annoyed that Nem kept calling and that we were lost. You could imagine the whole scenario.

Anyways, we did arrive safe and the mood at the table lightened up after we got warm and were fed. We were at Big Bowl, laughed the night away, and the trip back was not bad at all.

The 5th Room Mate

2008-09-11T10:48:00.003-05:00

B informed me this morning that we have a 5th room mate. I thought she was continuing with the joke started yesterday when the TV was left on when I returned to the room mid day. B was in but it wasn't her who turned it on.

Anyways, B said that she saw a little mouse coming from the back of the TV and sat right in the middle of the living room. Eek! Mouse! It was very small, she claimes. This morning we had a visit from Plant Operations and they help us set up 4 mouse traps. I was so looking forward to the typical mouse traps we see on cartoons, but we got the glue traps instead. Yuck!

B and I were wondering how did it got in. We definitely did not invite them as in my opinion, we are really neat and clean people. We live on the 3rd floor... Well, we definitely would not be the only room to be affected by it. Let's just see how the trap works through this weekend. Mouse I can bear, but when it comes to moles and rats... EWWW!!!!

Battle Royale

2008-09-10T23:50:00.000-05:00

The student organization on campus hosted an all-campus "Capture the Flag" event. It began at 10pm and would last till 11:55pm. It was a serious affair and over 300 signed up to play. I thought it would be fun as we had acres of land, but then again, people over here tend to take things a little WAY too serious.

Battle Royale. What a name! It reminded me of the Korean Action Thriller of high school students end up killing each other for the sake of survival. I got to see some action right in front of me too. Participants are all dressed in the same T-shirts. The only thing to distinguish the two teams were the words printed on the same colored Ts. One was gold and the other blue. It was really confusing as one wouldn't know unless they walk right up to the other person. There were shouts, screams, "Hand me your beans!" and people tearing across the campus either in pairs or in groups. Even a non-participant like me could feel the tension and excitement.

Nemma, Colleen and I went out to grab some snacks at Dunkin Donuts. It was past 11:30 and no teams had any flags yet. I wonder how long would the game go and what the outcome would be. Anyways, I should be studying for my test tomorrow. Middle School Methods. I am so ready to burn my book.

Welcoming Another Batch

2008-09-09T12:22:00.004-05:00

I was informed that the ACTS-es students will have their annual Welcome Party today. They will be celebrating the presence of the 8th batch of ACTS-es Freshmen and exchange students of Fall'08. Ah, good times. I have been thinking a lot about my juniors and have contemplated even more since my last trip to Japan. Can't help being myself, I have written a little something to share. Baileyna thought it was a good idea. I hope I did some help than harm.

I saw some pictures on the "Eyes of Alma Mater." If you have the opportunity, check them out too. How I wish I could take the day off and be there.

***** ^_^ *****

My dearest ACTS-es students,

Welcome to a new year at TCU. My warmest welcome to the ACTS-es Freshmen class and exchange students. I have seen your faces on Yanagisawa-sensei's web album and look forward to hear great things about you. My love goes out to the rest of the returning students. I missed you dearly. I hope you have had a great summer and all geared up for another challenging year at TCU.

Allow me to first congratulate all of you for being here. Each student in the program comes from an unique background and hand-picked in the belief that each of you would be equipped to do great things with the knowledge and experience gained during your time here. You might come with expectations, goals, and dreams. Through time, these will be refined or changed to better suit the new and improved you. I assure you that your time at TCU would be filled with excitement, joy, and challenges. There will be struggles and a whole lot of frustration too. Nevertheless, I pray that you would find lasting friendship, a shoulder to cry on, comrades to cheer for you, and a family away from home united by the grace who brought us all here.

You have seen the campus and have a taste of dorm life. I believe you have met the wonderful people who are closely associated with the ACTS-es program and I know you will meet more of the TCU community who would play an active role in your life here. I pray that you would spend time to get to know each and everyone in this room on a personal level for they will share with you essential tips to make your life in TCU and Japan a journey of a lifetime. Keeping it short, I will leave you with 5 suggestions for now. Consider them seriously.

1. Grow VERY close to your ACTS-es classmates. They are your immediate family for your time here. You will be each other's support as you mature.

2. Build a close relationship with the seniors of the program. They have experienced and know what you are going through and should know valuable survival tips to make things easier as you learn to stand on Japanese ground.

3. Be respectful to your professors. Put effort into your work and submit them on time. TCU faculty members are very nice people. Do not take for granted their kindness and generosity.

4. Be a part of TCU. Know your Japanese classmates. Join the choir. Participate in every TCU event. Pay your student council fees, attend every meeting, and join committees. You are a part of the TCU student body. You can make a difference in this school. Be responsible to make your college life as meaningful as possible. Your seniors have worked very hard to integrate the ACTS-es students into the student body to be able to enjoy every benefit. Don't mess it up.

5. Do your cleaning duties. Try to maintain the good reputation of the ACTS-es students that we are mature, intelligent, fun, and interesting. It forms discipline and builds character. Trust me.

As those who know me knows I have plenty more to say only because I share a strong love and deep passion for this school and program. An ACTS-es student is not just the average international student, you are a super international student. You will be busy dealing with cultural differences, your commitment to church, finding part-time jobs, etc. but I ask you to remember your choice in coming here and focus your commitment on your role as a student above anything else. Do everything as unto the LORD.

Feel free to contact me. I would love to hear from you. I will pop by whenever possible. I will be contactable to answer any questions.

In Christ,
The crazy, loud and annoying Malaysian.

Roomie Nights

2008-09-05T02:08:00.003-05:00

I love my room. My roomies rock. The place looks great and we have the best times. We went out for dinner last week at the Village Squire. This week it will be at home. DVD addicts, late night pot-sticker (Yeah, that is what they call gyoza here. A direct translation from the Chinese name of the food) pig outs, doing homework till wee-hours of the morning...

Presenting to you, one of a kind, Room 307.

Water Level on the Rise

2008-09-04T23:59:00.003-05:00

The temperature took an almost 10-15 degree Celsius drop today. Okay, to be fair, it started to get a little nippy yesterday. The remains of what was Hurricane Gustav was over us and rain was pouring non-stop all day. Plant operations had to bring out the water pump to syphon rainwater out of the pond to prevent possible flooding.

Observation for the day: Umbrellas are not common over here. Students are all in their hoodies which puzzled me for they are of sweatshirt material. Doesn't it absorb more water? Students strut into class wet... Am I the only one or everyone else is comfortable in that? I had to change my socks twice... Well, personal preference.

I guess with more people around me I am starting to feel the pressure of cultural differences come crashing upon me since classes begin. I am in the same spot all over again and it is difficult not to let it get to me. Why do I put myself through all this? Why do I step out of familiarity and take on something I have to start from scratch? I am whining, just a little. I am not ungrateful about it, it is just that I guess I do get a little tired sometimes. "Do or Die" ... no, wait. The better expression I was taught this week "sink or swim." Yeah, that is very much me. Just keep swimming. Yes. That is me.

caffeine-weak-bunny

2008-09-03T10:30:00.002-05:00

busy semester + loads of homework + tonnes of reading assignment = need for longer days

I found out that I have a weak tolerance for caffeine. It does it purpose in keeping me awake; however, to be exact, it mainly keeps the eyes open. The brain might be functioning at times, but no guarantees. If you wanted a fun-highly-wired bunny, give me a energy drink that is high in caffeine and nicotine. At any case, the after effects are similar to those who are on sugar-high or hyped up after a few drinks. IF you give me caffeine loaded drinks when not needed, you have to be responsible for it...

The kryptonite levels are as follow: (Ranking done according to the effects it has on my sleep)

Matcha (Japanese ceremonial tea)
Chinese tea
Coffee
English tea
Diet Coke
Japanese tea

Coke was added to the list just last night. Although my body was tired and I was sleepy, my eyes were like headlights at 2am! Hmm, I wonder should I get a caffeine fix this morning as I started my day at 7:30 and I hope to end it somewhere before midnight...

Protein Breakfast

2008-09-02T13:15:00.003-05:00

It is just the 1st week of the semester and I am totally beat!

Coursework and reading assignments are already piling up and I need to organize my pile of work in order to start working on them. My nights are stretching and starting the day early is not as easy as I intended it to be. Where is the focus of my drive right now? Studies, work, and money seem to overlap so much these days.

I don't normally have breakfast, unless I have company or that I am certain that I will be working hard and long, or that I will not be eating for the next 5-8 hours. This morning, I was too tired to clock in early at work and decided to spent some time on breakfast instead. Since I got up late, breakfast in the room was the only option. After the usual wash up, I waddled into the kitchen and started throwing stuff on the frying pan. When I was just about to dig in, "My! Protein overload!" I had bacon, bratwurst, and eggs staring at me. Thank goodness Colleen gave me a pancake for that side of carbohidrates.

Well, I am still rather stuffed but I am no more awake than when I left bed. Trying to limit myself to only a dose of coffee a day, I will save that for after dinner. It will be a long night to complete more reading and some assignments.

Man! I should seriously start a better eating routine. I think a belly is showing itself soon.
(-_ -#)

Labor Day

2008-09-01T23:55:00.001-05:00

Labor Day. I will definitely have more of these on a regular basis.

First week of school. One whole week and I survived, by taking in serious gasp of air. Am I getting to old for this? Am I putting too much on my plate? 16 credit hours of classes per week, at least 35 hours of practicum as teaching aid, assistant teaching in the Japanese lesson on campus, trying to clock in 20 hours of work weekly, out of class studying and homework... As time goes on, my schedule would be better defined. I hope I am able to pull through this.

Monday Tutor Japanese at 9. Walk 10 minutes to assistant teach at the Japanese class at noon. A close to 1km dash to the other end of campus for a 3 hour class right after that and hopefully manage to clock an hour in for work before dinner and another 3 hour class at 6:30.
*I am not a traditional student and am not required to be there. However, I have been there for every chapel for a week now.

Tuesday Hopefully a full day's work at Financial Aid. That will be 9 hours if possible.

Wednesday 3.75 hours at work (?) 10 minutes walk to Japanese class, but this time I have close to an hours break to make the distance to the other end of campus and hopefully grab lunch on the way. 3 hour class from 2, but a crazy schedule will start at the end of the month.

Thursday Hopefully another full day's work. 3 hour class from 6:30.

Friday Work. Japanese. Work. Possibly have a life.

Thank goodness I have the weekend for myself. There are late nights for studying and homework and I will not be idle during weekends. Don't worry, the schedule will pan out. I will know the details to my practicum within a week or two. My help in the Japanese class is for writing and after completing hiragana and katakana, I would only be there maybe once a week. I would be busy with other class requirements... With the amount I consume at meals, I guess it would be sufficient to fuel my mode of transportation. Things will work out... somehow.

It is a lot and I am exhausted. It is just the 1st week. I will get a rhythm soon. With your prayers, support, and encouragement, I WILL MAKE IT. It is my choice.

Only Fools Catch Colds in Summer

2008-08-28T13:07:00.003-05:00

The familiar chain of sneezes hit me on Sunday. Strange. I haven't had this for a long time now. My eyes were smarting a little and my neck started to itch. Hmm, maybe I am allergic to something. A day after, a rash started to form below my chin. Yep, I must be allergic to something.

My days were nothing but crazy since Monday. My sneezes continued for the next few days but the numbers escalated yesterday. The sensitivity of my nose to smell has also increased. My throat started to feel weird since morning and I found it difficult to concentrate during my afternoon class. Thank goodness my evening class was cancelled as I was starting to feel woozy during dinner. I felt feverish and instead of doing some studying in the evening, I slept from 7:30pm till 9am this morning. Without a doubt, I am sick.

The change in weather and the drop in temperature could signify the end of summer, but hey, as the Japanese saying goes "only fools don't catch a cold" (or is it the other way round?). The title comes from a Taiwanese drama I used to watch, so where would the truth to the statement lie? I need rest and my body is telling me that. Since I did not pack any medicine neither am I familiar with the local drugs, I guess sleep would be best with heavy dosages of warm honey water and chamomile tea.

BLISS

2008-08-25T12:34:00.004-05:00

Bed and a bath is what I need right now. I am a little famished but my appetite seems not to agree. Time is a limiting factor; thus, candy is the best option available at this moment.

Last weekend was a HUGE treat for me in the many aspects that pull the strings of this simple being.

I am so tired, but am perfectly happy and content. Although reckless and a little irresponsible, I feel almost invincible and ready to take on whatever madness that will be thrown at me.

Somehow every little thing snowballed into nothing but a sweet experience. Taking things at face value, although it might be silly for me to think that way, but it sure feels like there is something there.

Smiling right from the bottom of my heart, I am glad that things worked out the way they did and my weekend will be cherished for a lifetime.

(*^_^*)

Excitement

2008-08-22T10:42:00.004-05:00

I am feeling all queasy in my tummy and I can't stop smiling ear to ear. Less than 12 hours to go!

*********************************************

My body is starting to ache. My days all week has been nothing but madness. I see myself limited to time, energy, and focus. I am reminded I am still human, but I am thankful that God helps me through the day without fail.

The great exodus from Ohio to Volkman was yesterday. I was starting to worry whether I will be able to get through the day as I had a commitment to help out Student Development all morning and had to check in with Financial Aid since I have been out all Wednesday. I finished up some filing and I was off to the dorms for the big move. I shared the dissapointment with my roommates in finding out that our apartment was not in the condition we expected. We were starting to get annoyed as we moved our stuff.

Man! We did have to move A LOT of stuff. We started around 3 and was only done with the assembling of our last piece of furniture around 11pm. In between we went out to get the most unhealthy food possible around 8pm. I was famished as the last meal I had was at 2pm the day before. As we unpacked a little as we waited for our turns for the shower and went to Woodman's to get stuff for breakfast. My roommies and I came back and I unpacked while they slept. I was finally done during the break of dawn, slept a little, and made breakfast of toast, bacon, and eggs.

I thought that having a job now would give me the discipline to sleep and rise early; on the contrary, I have been having late nights and lack the needed sleep. It had been a fun week with Pintess. I have been running around and although my body is pretty much worn out, I am looking forward to the weekend before school starts. (Yep, I checked my email on Wendesday and my classes has been pushed forward to start on Monday and some even come with an assignment due on the first class!) Whoop! Lucky me! (-_- #)

Hang the Plan

2008-08-19T11:09:00.005-05:00

One of the fun advantages of being a student is that we get long holidays; however, since technically I am not a traditional student, do I still have that privellege?

I want a break. It is not a "must have," but it is more like a "it would be nice to have." Thus, I am asking for a luxury.

**** (>_<) ****

I am rather tired and sleepy right now my brain is hardly able to focus. This not a complaint. It is just that things are taking a spin off the tangen from the initial plan for this week, and it is good. It seems that I might not be spending all my time at Financial Aid this week as planned.

Yesterday, I was running errands around campus in the morning and had my interview with the Education Department. Since there was not much work at Financial Aid, I took the day off and accompanied N and her sis to the mall to get stuff to help the lil sis start college. We finished up our trip to the mall with a scrumptious late lunch. I settled some bills online when we got back and took a nap since I had a long day on Sunday. When I got up, N's sis, C and I went to watch "Mama Mia!" Ooh! What a wonderful movie! I enjoyed every bit of it. The movie finished past midnight and we picked N up to do some shopping at Woodman's until 1:30am.

Today will be a treat for me. STF will be visiting today and we will catch up later this afternoon. If I can be excused, I'll be the buffer-man between the sisters as they head out to downtown Chicago tomorrow. Hmm, I still need to find time in between to pack and move as I am expected to check out of Ohio on Thursday. Now, how will I be able to juggle that with a full day of work on the same day?

The rest of the original plan is for me to stick around orientation week. It seems like an interesting schedule. (click for details) Since I am not a traditional student, I am not obligated to join; however, since it would be the busiest time for campus administration, I'd be helping out Financial Aid. Nevertheless, I have something up my sleeve. (Teeheehee... Muahahaa....)

As for now, I hope that everything works out fine, if not better.

Over the Hurdle

2008-08-14T15:22:00.002-05:00

My summer course are over. Finally, I am done with the final class of my third course since my arrival. The coursework for Social Science Methods (Elementary) was crazy! There were almost 9 projects to be completed in 4 weeks! I am glad that everything is done now. It was a long summer for some of us, and some of my classmates and I went out to Benningan's for "dessert" after our presentation in celebration. What would one have at an American Irish pub? NV bought the first round of drinks and I had a Guinness, and my 2nd drink on the house was a margarita. Since I had nothing to eat all day, I got myself a burger and enjoyed the evening getting to know my classmates better. A summer with people from the cert only program was fun, the adult kind of way.

Now, technically I am class free for 2 weeks, but since things are the way they are... I will spend my time at Financial Aid during the day, and work on my portfolio which is due when I have my interview on Monday. N's sister is coming to visit from Sunday till Thursday, I reckon we will be moving out of Ohio to Volkman somewhere in between her stay. Orientation starts on Friday till August 26, and since I am not a traditional student or "new" anymore, I am staying as a helper while learning up whatever I have not been informed. I finally have my "come back" to those who frequently ask me whether I travel around the country when I study abroad, "As if I have the cash to do that." Sigh. For those who says it is fun being a student, I do agree to a degree: however, saying that to a person who is going back to study with limited funding is not very nice.

So, I guess I am stuck doing what I have to do. Working on my portfolio is tedious with a tinge of fun. I feel like a school kid working on putting materials into my file, but because I am who I am, I tend to be little-Miss-Perfectionist at it. I was up till 3:30 am working on the deviders and I hope to get everything else done by tonight. I need to start on my letter to G to work out my finances after.

"How do you eat an elephant?"

"One bite at a time."

I am not ready to grow up

2008-08-13T14:40:00.004-05:00

The whole figuring out my finances is crushing my brain. Maybe being independant is not such a good idea after all. But then again, if everything is settled for me or handed to me on a platter, I would never learn and will never cherish things that mean the most to me. So, being miserable helps? Fine, that is the overplay of words, but I am a firm believer that persecution/suffering makes one grow. "A flower that blooms in adversity is the most beautiful of all." Like a child, delayed gratification is a good discipline.

I guess it is good to revert to childlike-ness every now and then. I enjoy reading manga and watching anime, till this very day. Some of my favorites are NeoGenesis Evangelion, BLEACH, Tsubasa Reservoir Chronicles, Yakitate Japan!, Nana, Honey and Clover, Paradise Kiss, etc. My all time favorite thus far is Inuyasha which I have completed all the anime and manga. I remember picking this up after identifying that Inuyasha was the latter work of the author who did Ranma 1/2, and that was almost 13 years ago! I started buying the comic books up to, maybe, volume 26 before I left for Japan. During my years in Japan, I occasionally caught the anime on TV or seen previews of the movies. It was my days in Macao when I watched the entire series online and coming to Chicago, read every manga about it during summer.

Hmm, in my defense I would say that although this past time might seem childish to some, rest assured that I am not a fanatic, akiba-kei, or otaku. I still enjoy the company of people, do go out and do stuff, and do not only sit in front of the computer all day. Cosplay and the obsession of merchandizes are not really my thing too. I guess I enjoy Japanese comics and animation to this day not just to refresh and improve on my Japanese as I used it for my Chinese in the past, but rather I like it as the lively theme songs pumps my mood, the stories always give life to hope and dreams, and most of all they are my retreat from reality. Furthermore, it gives insights to the groups of people I will be dealing with, students and young people.

Call me a geek or whatever you wish. I enjoy art in the media form of Japanese manga and animation, and there is nothing to be ashamed of.

Eeek! Oh no! How now? What can I do?

2008-08-12T12:08:00.003-05:00

"NO!!! NO WAY!" I thought to myself as I saw a strand of silver white hair on my clothes as I got ready this morning. "This is not mine. It is too long. It'd better not be mine."

The last thing on my mind before I fell asleep last night and the very first thing that plagued my mind the moment I open my eyes was MONEY. This is sad and very pathetic. Tuition is due today and I have been busy working out my finances for a whole week. I finally got things straightened out to some point of understanding, but unless I see it in print on my bill, I guess I am still pretty anxious about it. My classes for the coming year is somewhat finalized, there is a rough estimation for my bill from student accounts, I need to cover textbooks, insurance, and micellaneous expenses on my own, but it would be really helpful if Financial Aid awards me the full amount (if not more) of the additional grant. With the savings I have (that needs to go into my tuition), things are looking pretty tight.

There will be no compromise that I have to work for the rest of the money, but calculating the hourly pay I am receiving and the maximum hours I am allowed to work, I am in doubt whether I am able to make the estimated amount that goes into my stipulated funding. Am I thinking too much? Am I giving myself unnecessary stress? Am I counting the chicks before the eggs hatch? Having my classes finalized, I have a rough idea of how many hours I might have during the day for work. However, since work on campus for me only comes on a "come-in-when-needed" basis, will I even be able to cover half of the hours I am allowed to work? The calculations in my head is driving me nuts.

I know I should not be worrying too much. He who is faithful has brought me here and has always provided for my every need thus far. Why worry?

"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?

"And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.---Matthew 5:25-34

I know this well enough, but I guess I do lack in faith. Do pray for me as I commit these in petition to Him who is love.

All scholarships, grants, and finacial aid will come through.
I will be able to secure fixed hours, hopefully the maximum, of campus work during the semester.
Enough students will sign up for the Japanese class on campus where I will be able to tutor/substitute/teach.
I will be able to secure teaching/substitute teaching positions in the district soon (providing that I pass my upcoming basic skills test and certification for bilingual teaching).
Proper money management that I will be frugal and spend wisely.

カレー always helps!

2008-08-05T20:34:00.002-05:00

My Dinner.

Japanese curry with the topping of mushroom, chicken, and potatoes, over egg noodles, and garnished with an egg--a good way to beat the summer heat and wrapping up a stressful day.

The Storm

2008-08-04T21:22:00.003-05:00

Today mark's my 4th month here and I have experience the terror of an American storm with a tornado threat. I have received emails warning of severe weather conditions from Judson before, but never had I have to take safety measures by taking shelter underground. I admit that I was actually frightened by the storm this evening, a scare that surpass the super storm experienced when I was back in Form 1.

I had a packed schedule for the evening. Finishing late at Financial Aid, I only had 20 minutes to spare as Sarah was picking me up at 4:30. We were meeting Teresa for dinner and to work on our class project before class at 6pm. When I got in the car, Sarah told me that class was canceled. Well, at least we will have time to finish our project. We had a yummy dinner and managed to finish our work around 7. Sarah was kind enough to drive me to Target near the mall to get supplies for my portfolio. I wanted to get supplies soon as my interview is in 2 weeks and I needed to get ready. It was just raining a little when we got there, but the skies were dark and menacing when we got out of Target.

We started to hear the storm sirens going off. The clouds were like a cape of evil. The drive from Target would only be 5 minutes, but the storm came right down on us. Thinking that we would find shelter when we arrived at campus, we continued to drive. Just 500m before Ohio, the rain came down so hard that it was almost impossible to see more than 2 meters ahead. Flashes of lighting were right in front of the windscreen that it was impossible to open my eyes. Sarah kept hitting the breaks and I am thankful that we were in no part of a road accident.

When we arrived at Judson, parked our car, and the rain was so heavy that we were soaked to the bone in our short dash to Ohio. The experience in the car was scary enough, now I just have to summon up courage, braving the storm, and hope that I do not get hit by lightning. Sarah and I went into the dorms and the RD told us that everyone is in the basement shelter. I quickly grabbed towels for Sarah and I and went down stairs. The sight of people in the basement hall reminded me of a refugee camp. Nemma was worried and thought something might have happened to me as the building where my classes are normally held does not have a basement for shelter. I as teasing her that if anything happens to me, she might need to find a new roommate.

We spend about 30 minutes there until Public Safety called saying that it was okay to return to our rooms, but warned us to come down again immediately if the siren goes off again. I asked Sarah to stay until the rain stops. I got to play hostess, serving her hot green tea and Japanese snacks I got from Mistuwa the day before. Sarah's mom checked in with her every now and then. It seems that a tornado did hit about 2km from where our classroom building was. Close...

There is always a first time for everything. At least now I am able to identify a storm siren and have actually went through the safety procedures. What a night!

Childlike Pleasures

2008-08-03T22:55:00.001-05:00

Sundays are becoming like treats to me. I am happy since I am able to attend church on a regular basis. I simply love the sermons at Elgin First Baptist and am getting a hang of it being there. I also enjoy the once in a while escapades to worship with the Japanese congregation at North Shore Baptist Church downtown Chicago when the DeRolfs are on duty there. Today we were there as Chuck was delivering the message and administered the Holy Communion.

As always, we will stop by Mitsuwa on our way back. There we will get our fill of close to authentic Japanese food and being able to shop for Japanese groceries. It was indeed a treat for me as I had a 海鮮丼 (kaisendong-Japanese seafood rice bowl). The pieces of tuna, salmon roe, shrimp roe, squid, crab meat, and unagi were beautifully arranged and I could not help smiling to myself while I ate.

I did spend some time at the supermarket and only got some instant Japanese pasta sauces and どら焼き(dorayaki-Japanese pancakes sandwiching red beans). The Japanese summer festival was on with various seasonal food on promotion. I was staring longingly at the Japanese matcha snacks of various kind but did not buy them. I guess it is a delayed gratification drill and I don't have the extra cash to spend. *Hint hint! How nice would it be to receive a care package with all of my favorites. I am craving for some jellied/pudding snacks too.* (*^_^*)

We picked up Tanya from the airport and made our way back to Elgin. I was kind of nervous to see Tanya again, worrying that she might give me a hard time about my haircut since she specifically asked me not to cut my hair. "Suemae, you have beautiful hair. Please don't cut it." She saw me and liked the haircut. Phew! Not that it matters, but I just wish not to see her look of disappointment.

It was a good day. I took a nap after I got back and finished all my assigned reading. Now, I just have to focus on my lesson plans and teaching modules. Have a good week ahead!

Girls' Day Out

2008-08-02T23:32:00.001-05:00

Even though I was not able to be at the wedding of my choice, my future-roommie-to-be invited me to accompany to her friend's wedding with two other of our common close friends. Nemma, Preeti, Colleen and I were all glammed up in the morning, jumped into Colleen's Volkswagen, and sped up north to the wedding. It was a simple and beautiful wedding with a very homely touch. I loved the bubbles most and think that having guest blow bubbles as the newly weds leave the church is much prettier and less to clean up after.

After the wedding, we came back to the neighborhood and hung out at the riverside. We had a fun dinner and saw Preeti off at the train station. It was a fun day as I got to get out, went for a car ride, saw a Nichiren (Japanese Buddhist Sect) site and a mosque, enjoyed a day out in the sun, and had a wonderful dinner after. We took loads of pictures and instead of me doing all the talking, let the pictures tell you of the fun we had.

*click on the picture for the album*

Congratulations, Mark and Ruth! May happiness be with you!

2008-08-02T10:00:00.002-05:00

Mark and Ruth will tie the knot today. Two of my closest and dearest friends will be united under the sanctity of marriage and begin a new chapter of life together. How I wished I could be there. I made plans to fly to Indonesia before starting at Judson, but plans just did not work out and my course started earlier than expected. Although not physically there, guys know that I will am holding you in my heart today and always.

I will still remember the day when they started dating. It was right after Valentine's Day 2005 when I wanted to share of my new boyfriend with Ruth. "Hey Ruth, guess what? I have a boyfriend." "Yeah, me too!" We were giggling like little girls. Oh Ruth, I am glad that everything worked out in the grace and perfection of our God who love us so much. I remember teasing Mark since he entered TCU and have never really stop teasing him. Throughout the years, Mark and Ruth make a sweet couple and I know all of us who know them are very happy for them. We knew this day will come and will be praying for their happiness always.

All My Happiness Goes Out To You--Nicholas Gordon

All my happiness goes out to you:
Pride and pleasure, joy, sweet tears, and love!
Reason, hope, and faith together move
In harmony to bless all that you do.

Let this beginning be the golden dawn
At which all dew-drenched nature sings its glory!
Now should the darkness shrouding every story
Dim the blue-eyed beauty of this morn.

More of life will come than you can hold:
A flood no mortal witness can withstand.
Rest, then, within a quiet, gentle hand,
Knowing where love is as you grow old.

Congratulations, Mark and Ruth!
ご結婚おめでとうございます。これからずっとお幸せたくさんありますようにお祈りします。

キャア！！！ナマクジだ！きもいい！

2008-08-01T18:37:00.003-05:00

The heat of the afternoon is getting to us. Staying indoors in stuffy air just makes me sleepy. I wanted to read, to break free from my addiction to the computer. I didn't manage to get far into the book before I fell asleep on the bed.

I woke up from my nap and continued where I left. N came into my room and we decided to go for a walk and read at our secret place. The greenery of the trees and the sound of swirling water, that would cool us down. Although the mosquitoes were a menace, but the breeze picked up and it was rather pleasant.

We spent about an hour there. We packed our stuff and started our walk back. I picked up the strap of my backpack, ready to swing it over my shoulder, when I felt a cool gel like feeling. Wait! What could it be? I looked at my right palm. Eeek! A slug! I had water in my mouth so I started making weird noises and flicked away the grossest thing I ever saw. N chuckled at my antics. I stared at the slimy trail left on the strap of my bag. It was gross. It reminded me of leaches.

Yep. It was my first live encounter with a slug. ナマクジ(namakuji) as they say it in Japanese.
Eww, gross!

今日の夕ご飯はカレーだった！　うまい〜

2008-07-31T23:31:00.002-05:00

The heat is getting unbearable. The sun seems to be shinning with a vengeance and the humidity is the evil accomplice. My chants of snow summoning seem to hardly work. It started raining a little today, but the storm passed over so quickly that a trail of mugginess was left behind, adding on to the torture of summer madness. Oh, how I wish I can just hit the beach and go surfing!

I know I complain and whine a lot, but it just shows that I am human. Initial plans were made upon my arrival ensuring that my new life at Judson will be set up and settled in within 2 weeks, but well, things never really go according to plan. I do get annoyed and start to worry; however, looking back at my final weeks in Macao did teach me a lot. My recent worries seem trivial.

My trip to the Social Security Office was finally made possible! Yep, it means that I got a job! My volunteer work hour are completed and Financial Aid is hiring me to continue my help with office housekeeping and assistance. The pay is not as fancy as what I was paid back in my college years at TCU, but hey, it is a start. I heard that I might get a second job soon. Do pray for me that they would hire me. I need to pay tuition on August 12. Having an income would help.

At the end of July and two months behind schedule, I am slowly getting thing set up here. Even though I might not be moving out when expected, or into the room I wanted, but nothing beats cooking a good meal and sharing it with friends. I made Japanese curry, pasta, and Chinese veggie stir-fry. It was a scrumptious dinner.

Heads up for another month in the home of the brave!

F-helps

2008-07-29T02:30:00.002-05:00

I just got back from a (late) night out with the girls. Finally we went to watch Dark Knight and I was not disappointed. I have been wanting to watch the movie for a long time now and was planning to take extreme measures to get myself to the movie theaters to watch it on the big screen. The girls rendezvous to go today (well, technically Monday late afternoon) an we went immediately after I was done with class. All that were in my head during my 3.5 hour class resonates "Dark Knight...Dark Knight... Dark Knight..." "(Class) Finish soon... Finish soon... Finish soon..."

After the movie all of us were famished and we stopped by good ol' Denny's for food. I think it was not such a wise decision to finish an entire burger with a side of salad at 2a.m.

When will I sleep now? (o_O#)

I reckon I have caused quite a number of people to start worrying for me of late. Thank you for your concern and prayers. Things are getting better. I was running around campus compiling paperwork as my time and effort put into volunteering at Financial Aid paid off. They are hiring me and I will be heading to the social security office on Wednesday to submit my papers. The mood swings come and go, while I just have to jump on the discipline train to plow (British English "plough") through the crazy class I have. I just found out that I have very little time to complete a lot of stuff... but hey, if it doesn't kills you, it would only make it stronger. I am doing ok. With the Almighty watching out for me, everything will work out for the best.

忘れない。忘れたくはない。

2008-07-28T19:25:00.000-05:00

Once I used to think about you every day, replaying memories that are crystal clear, smiling to myself at the exchange of dialogs, correspondence, and actions. It would make my day just by knowing of your existence. I would smile by a simple glance of significant memorabilia. No matter how busy or crazy the world around me revolves, spending some time thinking of us allows me to let out a sigh of content, breathing in happiness, and giving me encouragement.

Chivalry, kindness, and generosity are your traits. Although moody at times, you were my listening ear and often able to make me laugh and smile with the simplest things. My senses are often stimulated by your very presence, I remember them vividly wherever I was. There were days where reason validates my emotions for you, and yet reason holds me back from ever acting on impulse. You are that special and important to me that I fear my behavior my give you pressure in any way. I keep my thoughts to myself, but willing to listen to your opinions and make mental notes. Even though the official captions were not established, nor as your claims of being familiar with the concept, I thought that the relationship shared was very real.

I will always remember the first time I held your hand, and our stroll down that beautifully lit street. I always enjoyed out time together, even if it was just getting to a destination on foot. Deep in my heart, I will never forget that you were the first person ever to hug me just as I was about to be pissed off. I will always be warm in your presence. We rant, we laugh, and the conversations shared were always meaningful, uplifting, and encouraging. My memories and talking about them to friends made clear something very new to me, it is not just mere attraction or fondness.

Should I be discouraged by your honesty? Our fellowship is one built on friendship. Am I supposed to forget everything and move on? I do not think I am able to remain as close friends yet deny my feelings. Reason and passion, I am who I am with the tension between the two. It would be too proud to say that there is a reason for our acquaintance, but I know that if things were meant to be, God will guide us down a path for the best outcome. Will I be in waiting? I guess the truth is I did not forget, I wish not to forget.

A Pinnacle of Light

2008-07-27T18:29:00.002-05:00

It will be almost 3 months since I set foot in this place. As every new environment houses new challenges, I have my share of it here. These boulders only show that I am human and have a lot of growing to do.

Things are starting to light up. Looking at the important things to me, I am starting to find ground under my feet. Church has been getting better. I enjoy going there every week. Although some discipline is needed to get me out of bed on Sunday morning, I am glad to be there even if it meant going alone. The sermons are great and the worship/singsparation is getting better. Today, I spent time speaking to a few nice people and it felt... nice. No more a stranger, I guess.

The week is getting better. Every year today I do a self check--celebrating the life of someone special and reflecting on a past. I learn much of who I am and by the grace of God, try to become better. My problems seem trivial and I laugh at myself when I am bugged by the trials before me. Who am I to doubt the greatness of God who has been nothing but faithful in His love for me? Things will get better.

お母さん、お誕生日おめでとうございます。

An Addition to My Favorite Books

2008-07-26T17:38:00.000-05:00

This is a very cute book. I inserted it into my stack of books for my social studies methods class. It is a children's book but I enjoyed every bit of it. The synopsis is as follows:

"When Ruby's cousin Flying Duck emigrates from China to live with her, Ruby decides the best thing about Flying Duck is that she is a great new friend. BUT the worst thing about Flying Duck is that now, no one speaks English at home. Plus, there's strange food on the table every night and only chopsticks to eat it with. And Flying Duck is deaf, and Ruby doesn't know any Chinese Sign Language. As if that weren't enough, this summer proves to be even more perilous as Ruby faces the dangers of swimming lessons, the joys of summer school, the difficulty of staying with a twelve-step program, the miracle needed to keep a beautiful stray dog that wanders into her life, and much more. Is it all too much for anyone -- even the Empress of Everything -- to handle?"

It brings a smile and I think it is a great book! Do read it if you have the chance.

What Would You Do When Everything Seems To Go Wrong?

2008-07-25T16:38:00.004-05:00

"Overwhelming" seems to be a word used a little too often of late. The other not so polite corresponding expression would be "It sucks." I seem to have a little too much on my plate (but hey, what's new?), and it is absolutely annoying when I could not get things done. What would you do? Vent? Complain? Cry? Diminish into silence, bitterness, and depression? I know well enough that I should find peace and composure in prayer, but how often do I seek that as my first option? I will whine and ramble on and on about things, in hope that someone would come rescue me in offering assistance in anyway possible. I know it sounds sad. I am so used to getting things done, but hey, complaining still plays a vital role as it is a form of self-lecture and reminder that I am still human.

Thus please find an update to my life as listed.
(It is obvious why I have not been blogging for a while now.)

1. Teaching Methods for Social Science. This course started on July 14. Ever since the first day and every class I had since, blood seems to drain out of my face with the course work and high expectations of the teacher. I guess people back home can relate this to "Alam dan Manusia" classes we had in primary school. Yeah, so I am supposed to possess a significant understanding of American history, economy, geography, political studies, anthropology, and sociology from kindergarten to Grade 9. That is a whole lot of reading on my own. The classes are fun and interesting as I am exposed to many different children's literature, but man! The course work is a bg challenge. I scored my first 6/10 on a paper in the past 6 years of my life, and I lost those points based on grammar mistakes. (Now, please don't give me a hard time saying that I do not need to learn up my grammar, or that my English is good.)

2. Securing a social security number. Since 9/11 the procedure for international students to obtain a social security number has been made complicated. With an F-1 visa status, the student can only work on campus, and upon securing a job, initial paperwork can only be started to get a social security number. Getting a SS# is like your IC back home. It is an official identification for your existence. I need one to be able to register for a state required examination to be officially accepted into my program, get a driving license, etc. Since I have yet to find a job= no SS# -> unable to make it for the registration deadline...

3. Get a job. This relates to the above and the issue of money. Yay! I need to start paying tuition fees soon! (>_<)

4. Housing. Summer is almost over and the semester starts next month. I am supposed to move out of Ohio Residence Hall by August 3, but since the Bandits' are still occupying Volkman Hall, I am only able to move that very weekend before classes start. Volkman rooms are similar to those of an apartment and I was super excited to move in as soon as possible, not only to set up but also to settle down with my new roomies while getting a grove before the madness of the new semester and orientation week begins.

5. Getting around. I need to get out to get real. I need transportation of any sort. I rather run errands according to my own convenience than rely on others. They are busy and I wish not to impose.

6. Mood swings. This has caused me to be all weird again with crazy sleep hours and getting up past noon. My work and daily efficiency level has been thrown way off chart. Social skills and sanity level are affected to some degree.

7. Skype is still out. Grrr...

Thus, I would deeply appreciate it if you would pray for me. I sure wouldn't mind a few care packages sent this way. Phone calls and nice emails would work too. In the meantime, I will try not to sigh too much and pull myself together. I know so well that what I am going through right now is like an annoying mosquito almost impossible to kill. I have been in worse situations. I just need to focus on the important and keep swimming.

The Summer That I Know Of

2008-07-18T13:58:00.003-05:00

The heat and humidity is becoming unbearable. Somehow the time of the year where I complain about the s-words: stickiness, stinkiness, sleepiness, sluggish, sloth...

It is becoming hotter on sunny days, and even when the sun is blocked by the clouds, it is humid and muggy. I end up like a beached whale on my bed or on the couch in shorts and a little more than my undergarments. I started cooking and eating spicy food with the girls, sweating away as the chili burns while gulping down cold lemonade. I can describe "cold/cooling" foods vividly. I want ice-cream.

I have also been out on walks. O-sanpo! It carries the same connotation as when I was in Japan. N and I will walk and sit for a while. We have 2 spots, and my favorite is the hidden hill over looking the water "factory." It is cool there. I watch the water churn in the night and stars hanging brightly above us.

Just now, the familiar sounds of the cicada are heard. I smile. I finished watching "Honey and Clover" a few minutes ago and thought of all the summers I have spent in Japan. The heat, the mugginess, my complaints... The smell of cigarettes as I sit down with my boys. The familiar sight of greens at Yoyogi-park. The excitement of cooking for one another as we just hung out and talked our days away. Our escapades to affordable restaurants and the mall to chill indoors with the air-conditioning.

Many thoughts plagued my mind. The atmosphere is making me sluggish. I reminisce the summers I had in Japan. I miss those days. I miss the company. And yet, I am thankful that in this new place, I have new friends, new challenges, and finally, I am doing what I have been thinking of since my first summer in Japan.

MEN ARE HAPPIER THAN WOMEN

2008-07-17T13:50:00.000-05:00

Could this be true?

I guess it is all about perception and taking it with a pinch of salt.

Cheers guys! You know there is some truth to it and thus I love you guys so very much!

NICKNAMES
If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah.
If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla and Four-eyes.

EATING OUT
When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in $20, even though it's only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.
When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.

MONEY
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need but it's on sale.

BATHROOMS
A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel .
The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.

ARGUMENTS
A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

FUTURE
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

SUCCESS
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

MARRIAGE
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, but she does.

DRESSING UP
A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the trash, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.
A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.

NATURAL
Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

OFFSPRING Ah, children.
A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.
A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY
A married man should forget his mistakes.
There's no use in two peopleremembering the same thing!

Another Sunday... but this was wonderful in its own way

2008-07-13T22:35:00.003-05:00

Sunday. The Lord's Day. Sabbath. A day of relaxation.
Today, I had a good one.

Church was exceptionally pleasant today. I got up with time to prepare myself and was ready before the pick up time. The worship session was enjoyable and the sermon was great. I met the most pleasant 5th grade boy and was taken out to lunch by 2 wonderful couples. I found a new place that I would love a cuppa or a meal (reasonably priced and serves good bake goods like Pan DeMolde) and they serve the best salad I had thus far in America.

I returned to the dorm and chilled in front of the TV watching the Bring It On movie series. 4 in a row is a little too much, but I have learned much about viciousness among middle, high school, and college girls. I was trying to catch up on my emails and will try to get them done as soon as possible. Although there is much to write, I will call it an early night to break the bad lifestyle of sleeping in the wee hours of the morning and getting up past noon.

I managed to sort some things out over the past week, but seriously, I know I could have done so much more. Discipline, bunny... DISCIPLINE. I had better write out a To-Do-List for the week and hopefully stick to it. I am looking forward to a new course and new opportunities this week. Fingers crossed and prayers said. (*^_ ' *)v

Skype Down

2008-07-12T09:10:00.000-05:00

It is rather annoying when paid services do not work when you want to use them.

I finally found the time and need to speak with some people and when I tried using Skype, it just would not work. At first, everything was working "fine." I could send out and receive regular chat messages until I tried to make Skype calls. Around Wednesday till Friday, my calls were not "processed." I dialed the number, but there was no ringing tone. after waiting for about a minute of silence "Error 1002: Unable to connect" appeared on the calling window. I tried logging out of Skype and trying again, everything else work but the call would not get through. I reported the problem.

I even tried logging out of my PC, restart, but it still did not work. Then, I did a test run trying to log on with a remote computer, everything worked well, even the calls! However, when the test was over and I tried logging on Skype with my Mac once more, this time, I could not even connect to the server. I could not log in at all. Grrrr...

The problem was starting to annoy me and I reported the problem with updates with the additional non-working functions. I received a reply regarding what I could possibly do, like restarting Skype, etc. I even un-installed Skype and reinstalled it! IT STILL DOES NOT WORK!

HELP. Someone, if you do know how to fix the problem, kindly supply me with your assistance. I will have to wait till Monday to go see the PC wizards at Tech Support. At the meantime, being unable to connect to people I wish to speak with is simply annoying. Well, I guess I have to be patient. I am starting to rely on modern technology a little too much. So, in the mean time, if you wish to communicate, emails will do. You could leave a message here, or get me on google chat or MSN. You could easily find me if you know my full name and spelling.

It has been a while...

2008-07-09T23:23:00.007-05:00

In the process of getting my act together, I went through the process of getting a drastic change. I got a new haircut.

P hooked me up with a free haircut at SpaBlÜe. My recent cheesy sense of reasoning thought that getting a haircut would do me good. Hmm, but how should I do my hair?

The last time I was at the salon was somewhere in the last week of April. I wanted to get a new look then but decided to keep my hair. I know I have nice long hair. My selfish ego wanted to grow my hair as long as possible, my competitive self wanted to have the longest hair among my sisters, and the cheeky me wanted to have hair long enough to go topless if I wanted.

I have been contemplating all day whether should I stick to the same ritual I have when going to the salon, "Just trim off an inch and shape my locks. I plan to grow my hair some more." I love my hair as I can have it straight or the sexy waves and curls. I have received a good number of compliments and "Suemae, your hair is beautiful. Please don't cut it." My hair was at its longest ever, below my waist.

Well, I guess it is time for a change. A real change. I am currently at a new chapter of my life and I guess I should start afresh. Enough of people fitting me into the stereotype of being prim and proper, the spoiled princess, with my long hair. Just cut it. It will grow again. So, here goes...

P, N, & I went to SpaBlÜe. P & I got a new look each. When we were done, the pile of hair looked like a small animal had died. P took off about 5 inches and mine could easily be a foot to 15 inches. The girls liked my new look. The three of us hung out at The Village Squire by the river for dinner. They thought I look chic. Minga screamed when she came pick us up after dinner. Adrienne who saw us before we left came in as she did not believe that I chopped my hair off. K found me in the lounge and I guess "My goodness!" "My gosh!" would be reactions I hear for the next week or two.

So, how do I look? It is really different. I hope it is good. I am missing my long hair. I should have kept a thin braid for memory. But hey, Cheers to a brand new start!

Congratulations, Graduates!

2008-07-09T16:43:00.001-05:00

This will be the first time since 2003 that I am not spending the first week of July in Japan. It will also be the first time that I am not there for the ACTS-es/Summer Graduation at TCU.

Today is the day where my close friends--ChingBoi, Mark, and Seth--from the 4th batch of ACTS-es students complete their journey at TCU and embarks on a new adventure in the next chapter of their lives. Joining them, will be another close friend who went through his share of trials, Feng. How I wished I could have been there to give you my well wishes in person. Seeing the smiles on pictures posted on Facebook at the regular reference site was heartwarming indeed. Many hugs to all of you, students, faculty and staff.

Congratulations on your achievement.

You have worked hard during your years at TCU. I am very proud of you. As you step into a new chapter in life, I pray that you will remember the blessings received and be faithful in using every gift for Him who have brought us together in His love and grace. You might be anxious as what lies ahead, but remember "For God knows the plans He has for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. (Jeremiah 29:11)" As for now, smile, stand tall and celebrate in your success.

What People Lack Here is the Sense of Common Courtesy

2008-07-08T13:08:00.002-05:00

Okay. Maybe that is too strong of a statement.
I got out of the wrong side of the bed.

I was awaken today by a stranger walking into my room. Crap, visitors... students who will be joining JU in August. Still, what the hell is people walking into my room when I am still in bed? Seriously, this is my private space. Permission should be asked. Okay, giving the benefit of the doubt that I should be as accommodating as possible, at least you should give me some sort of notice. I had my delicates hung out to dry in my room and stuff are not organized as usual due to my late nights. It is not logical to turn the tables and say that it was my wrong in any way. This was not the first time. I gave the "tour guide" a piece of my mind. Her excuse, "your room was open at that time." Oh come on, you should have got keys from the administrator and show visitors the empty rooms on the 2nd floor. Common sense, my dear, common sense!

Things got worse when the water was turned off. It is summer and it is freaking hot and humid. Every normal person would want to take a shower whenever possible. I had a presentation in the evening and I desperately need to wash my hair. Great! So, after a not so pleasant wake up call, I can't even wash up. I waited till M came back from class as she was an RA. She tried to get access so that we could use the showers at the Harm Weber Building. I couldn't wait and needed to use the bathroom badly, so PK and I got us stuff and went over to the men's dorm instead.

Incidents like such would never happen at TCU. Miyo was my room mate and she was actively involved in open campus where she showed off our room when visitors wanted to see how living in the dorms would be like. She informed me when I moved in to be room mates with her, reminded me a week before and on the day itself. She would clean the room and made sure that I was up (at least). Living in the dorm had its rules but we were well notified by Nomura-san or Kawamura-san if there is going to be a power-cut, 2 weeks to a month beforehand!!!

Well, it is different over here. I just have to live with it.

Picnic

2008-07-06T23:59:00.000-05:00

It happened again. I overslept from the time I meant to get up. When I got out of bed, I hardly had 20 minutes to prepare for church. The madness has to stop. This is the last straw.

I was invited to a picnic at church. First Baptist Elgin was having a 4th of July weekend picnic. The church grounds were adorned with marquees and BBQ grills. Everyone was looking forward to the end of the service. After feasting at the Lord's table and the sermon, the congregation moved outside into the beautiful July weather. There were tables and tables of food. My 4th of July weekend could not get more American. Soon, everyone was enjoying hot-dogs and hamburgers, salad and apple pie, dessert and ice-cream from Dairy Queen. It was also an opportunity to meet JD's family and some staff of JU. I bet every one of the international students who were invited had their fill of the yummy food and enjoyed the day.

All went well this weekend. Apart from the lack of order in my sleep routine, I am slowly snapping out of the negative mood swing. I have watched so much TV over the weekend that I felt compelled to pluck myself out of the sofa and throw the TV out. Even the couch has an indent of my bottom. A new week ahead... time to get busy.

Chicago. Chicago.

2008-07-05T23:40:00.004-05:00

With a tight embrace and a warm peck on my cheek, he said, "I miss you very much." The strapping adorable young man pulls away. He was the only guy now who would say something like such and send my knees weak. I smile as I gaze upon the face that resemble the cuteness of Haley Joel Osment. I see Ron.

(My dreams are getting highly detailed of late. My memory of them as been expanding too. I am way too stressed and thus having high-definition dreams in sound and color.)

"Suemae..." P and N appeared at my door all dressed up for the day.

"CRAP!!... I am so sorry. What time is it? I was totally wiped out. What time do we have to go? I'll be ready in 10 minutes. Sorry." It was the fastest ever I got ready. I washed up, threw on my dress, and packed my stuff to continue the morning rituals on the go. (o_O#)

...:::x:::...

We were on the bus heading towards Elgin's Metra station. Today, we were going downtown. I couldn't help but kept apologizing. P told me to shut up as we were early despite me waking up late. We made it for the expected hourly train, but boarded on that was an express to Union Street Station. By 11, the trio was walking towards Grant Park, where the annual Taste of Chicago was held.

It was a beautiful day and the 3 of us took a stroll amidst the crazy crowds of people feasting our eyes on the events and food surrounding us. The smell of various exotic foods were intoxicating. We got our food and drinks by exchanging them with the tickets we bought. We found a spot in the shade and had a picnic. The crowd grew as we walked some more in the park. They were live bands and activities for kids. It was like a fair ground with a Ferris wheel, carousel, and all. We snacked on Polish food and got some Italian ice-cream before heading towards National Street for some retail therapy.

ENCOUNTERED WITH A CHALLENGED MAN.We walked for a while and sat in front of Barnes and Noble. While we were sitting a homeless man stood in front of me and the next 5 minutes or so was simply bizarre. He started speaking to me and I tried to be polite. But then he just gawked and stared, and I tried to ignore him. Then he just started looking at my legs and feet, and dusted his clasped hands. Thank goodness he kept his distance of 3 feet; otherwise, I might have done something I might regret. Soon he just walked off. We were wondering whether he wanted my seat when all the other seats were empty. The conclusion was, he is mad. Strange.

The retail therapy lasted until our feet hurt. We searched for a Starbucks, had a caffeine break there before making our way back to the station and the dorms. I now know go to get myself downtown via public transport, I will be back for the parks, museums, and art galleries later.

It was a productive day, my spirits lifted, and now I am back in the dorms, enjoyed a wonderful shower. My tummy is filled with the scrumptious pasta P made and have been rotting in front of the TV watching Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkhaban and August Rush. What a day!

I Can't Sleep

2008-07-05T01:21:00.002-05:00

My body is weary, and soul is tired.
I feel like my limbs have been hammered into pulp,
and could hardly will to do anything.
Yet, I lie here, wide-eyed as the mind runs off
on thoughts concerning the many things I wish to understand.
What is wrong with me?
Is the pursuit of happiness that difficult?
Why relationships I long for the most seem impossible?
Does everything need to be a choice?
Is sacrifice inevitable?
Lost and cold, I long to cuddle up like a child in the embrace of a loving parent.
I find myself lost in my thoughts and deep in prayer.
Why is it so difficult to be just me?

Independence Day

2008-07-04T18:59:00.002-05:00

Happy 4th of July!

What does this day mean to me? Another day to my not-really-summer summer holidays? Instead of being a total sloth to a day that could mean little to me, I marched in the Elgin's 4th of July Parade with Judson University. I got up at 6 to prepare (a difficult task indeed as I couldn't sleep till about 3am) and made my way to the meeting place with KP and LK. We were wearing Judson Ts and was to hand out candy with the students, staff, faculty, and the alumni. Plans changed and KP, LK, and I ended up holding the banner as we walked down Douglas Avenue. It was really weird for me as I feel so self conscious walking down a street packed with people. Keeping the chin up, smiles, and nervous laughter helped me get through the morning.

It was pretty interesting to look at the beautiful houses that were dressed up for the occasion. Housing on the street the parade procession had people sitting on the sidewalk and some event hosted cook-outs right on the front porch. There were floats, bands, horses, big men on mini bikes, and the whole shindig. I enjoyed the walk, sights, smells, and people cheering for the university.

Lesson for the day: I will not chew gum again.

I was chewing a piece of gum handed to me by a kid of a faculty member. While I was walking down the parade route and suddenly I felt that I am chewing gritty gum. The filling to my left molar came off!!! I started to get paranoid and started feeling the damage with my tongue. Although it did not hurt, but the thought of needing to go to the dentist sent shivers down my spine. I asked KP and she told me to ready myself to part with approximately USD 200. WTH???! She mentioned that just visiting the dentist for a check up cost USD 150. Great just great... where am I going to get the money since I do not have any income? I seriously need to get my act together. Please pray as I go around asking for jobs on Monday will be fruitful. I seriously do not want the exposed molar to turn into something I need a root canal job done later. Don't like trips to the dentist, don't think I will look forward to it at all.

After crashing on the bed sleeping for another 5 hours, I got up and rot in front of the TV. Since there is no specific cook outs or parties to attend today, I might possibly end my first 4th of July watching the fireworks later. Every blast of color in the air would be followed by earnest prayers and hopes that this month would be fruitful.

Reminiscing Rajiv's Wedding

2008-07-03T17:16:00.001-05:00

Eugene finally sent me his share of pictures taken at Rajiv's wedding. As I was organizing them, it brought back fond memories. I had been really busy over the past few months, and thus, allow me to share with you the highlights of the wedding in March.

Do click on the picture to view pictures taken at the wedding.

During March, I was in UK to attend the biggest day of my brother's life thus far. After spending a few days in London and about a week catching up with my sister in Glasgow, I flew south to the city of Birmingham. I remembered vividly Rajiv being late picking me up at the airport, but I was glad as we were finally together again.

Jesse, Rajiv's brother-in-law to-be drove us back home where the traditional celebrations of an Indian wedding was in motion. I was greeted with Rita's many close-knit relatives and was welcomed by hugs and kisses from everyone. It was like a scene from "My Big Fat Greek Wedding." I finally met Rita and we exchanged pleasantries and soon resumed the ceremonial preparations of the bride. Rajiv had his turn too, but it soon turned into a yellow-"cakey"-hair-removing experienced and caused a mess in the bathroom.

The next day, Rajiv picked me up from Elka's (maid of honor/Rita's cousin) place and we hung out at the salon. Rajiv was to have a haircut and we were just chilling till we pick Eugene up from the train station. Rajiv and I decided to walk around the Bullring (center of downtown Birmingham) as we waited. We spent our time catching up while window shopping and enjoyed music recitals at St. Martin's Church. We were starting to get worried when we did not hear from Eugene. We were supposed to meet up in the morning but have yet to hear from him around 5pm. Stressed out we found ourselves at a pub worried and wondering where we would spend Rajiv's last evening as a bachelor. The situation was getting bad as the best man was nowhere to be found. Soon we checked-in to rooms at the local hotel and went out for dinner at the most tackiest Greek restaurant ever. What a nightmare! Well, things could only get better from now on. Eugene finally arrived 12 hours later as he missed his train. Rajiv went over to meet him and to pass Eugene his tux before turning in early.

The BIG Day

I have never seen Rajiv more excited. He was actually hurrying me in getting myself prepared. We left the hotel 15 minutes earlier than as planned the day before. Rajiv wanted his hair to be just the way Rita likes it. We picked Eugene and Yukimi exactly at 9am and arrived 10 minutes EARLY at the church. In these 4 sentences, people who know us well will definitely notice the difference. Since we were early, we had time for pictures, and Eugene and Rajiv had time to catch up and talk while waiting for the guests and the bride. Rajiv was getting really nervous as he was going to the bathroom every 5 minutes.

Rita and her bridal party finally arrived. We waited for 2 hours and the wedding ceremony started with a 1.5 hour delay. Nevertheless, it was one of the most organized and beautiful wedding I have ever attended. The flow of the ceremony was wonderful, the congregation was colorful, and we had the best of both cultures having both English and Indian reflected. After the message, the couple exchanged vows, I did a reading and we enjoyed songs dedicated to the newly-weds.

Marriage Joins Two People in the Circle of Its Love- Edmund O'Neill

Marriage is a commitment to life,

the best that two people can find and bring out in each other.

It offers opportunities for sharing and growth
that no other relationship can equal.
It is a physical and an emotional joining that is promised for a lifetime.

Within the circle of its love,

marriage encompasses all of life's most important relationships.

A wife and a husband are each other's best friend, (I was welling up just about here.)
confidant, lover, teacher, listener, and critic.
And they may come times when one partner is heartbroken or ailing,
and the love of the other may resemble
the tender caring of a parent or child.

Marriage deepens and enriches every facet of life.
Happiness is fuller, memories are fresher,
commitment is stronger, even anger is felt more strongly,
and passes away more quickly.

Marriage understands and forgives the mistake life

is unable to avoid. It encourages and nurtures new life,

new experiences, new ways of expresing
a love that is deeper than life.

When two people pledge their love and care for each other in marriage,
they create a spirit unique unto themselves which binds them closer
than any spoken or written words.
Marriage is a promise, a potential made in the hearts of two peoplewho love eah other and takes a lifetime to fulfill.

----------..... ----------

After the wedding was over, we made a move to the reception hall and had a fantastic time at the wedding reception. Rita's relatives warned us that the English part of the wedding is over and the Indian fun begins. Guys were teaching Eugene how to Banghara and told him that he has to dive in front of the procession dancing as the newly-weds made their entrance. We enjoyed Indian food and danced the evening away. We feasted and danced. Laughter and tears were shared with Eugene's touching speech/toast to the couple. People were commenting that they have never been at a reception where the bride and groom danced as much as everyone else. Everyone had fun and even though we had a few unfortunate incidents, it was a memorable day that left everyone smiling.

We returned to the Masih family home later for the traditional ceremony of sending off the bride. I enjoyed watching the customs carried out and could not help but relate it to my own cultural background. In the midst of it all, my brother has fully embark on the next stage of adulthood. I am so happy for him.

There is so much cover about the wedding. I think I have missed out a lot on the details here. I can still remember the entire event vividly, thus if you like to hear the story, do feel free to ask and I am more happy to tell you all about it.

Kidnapped!

2008-07-02T12:34:00.003-05:00

Kathy, Preeti, Minga... I LOVE YOU GIRLS!

The depressive spell was casts and a cloud of fear and despair seems to loom over me. Insomnia is kicking in and I find it very difficult to get up in the morning. My focus is slowly fading, but thank goodness I still can find strength in b*tching about the whole situation. Venting helps.

Class was exceptionally boring yester-evening. The class was spun off tangent and a discussion broke out about the modern work culture which put me to sleep. Someone caught me but I did not care. The only thing good that came out of my 4 hours spent at Creek Side was that my team and I managed to finish out presentation and paper. Apart from the finals on Thursday, we are almost done!

Jenna dropped me back to Ohio Hall, just when I was about to decent the flight of stairs from the parking lot to the building, I was honked a few times and drawn towards a Nissan Altima. Soon, I was zipped off with the girls to watch a late night move, Wanted. Angelina Jolie was cool, but way too bony. I am inspired to get a tattoo.

It was a bloodfest and the carnival of violence. The adrenaline rush did pull the whole movie together and I did enjoy it. Within minutes of the show, I recognized that it was filmed in Chicago. Yep, it is my town and I feel more connected and engrossed in movies shot at the 3rd largest city in the States. Hmm, taking a depressive woman to a violent action film, when do I start killing? We wanted to get BB guns to experiment the curve shots, while speculating that Minga will be practicing her Angelina's moves falling gracefully to her knees to pass through the bridge on the Loop. We raided JD's house on our way back at midnight and popped in another movie for the night in the dorms.

Just dragged myself out of bed not too long ago. My body aches all over from clearing a patch behind Barton House (administrative building on campus). I should get some work done today. The girls have been great by taking me out for neighborhood escapades. Our trip to Starbucks on Monday night turned out to be a movie night with DVDs rented from Blockbuster. We had a super gross incident with the pizza when someone found really 'unwanted' hair in her breadstick. It caused havoc.

Thanks for the fun. I need to work on my study notes now... will catch up later.

20 [6 months] 08

2008-07-01T13:22:00.001-05:00

2008 has reached its midway mark. 6 months is gone and we find ourselves in the month of July. Since humans charting the measurement of time, we are conscious about our days and keeping tract of changes around us.

6 months ago, in January, I was at Lan Kwai Fong, Hong Kong, with Susan and Elisa, venting away my life in Macao, and toasting to a new year filled of dreams come true. 5 months ago, in February I spent my first Lunar New Year alone, watching F.R.I.E.N.D.S, snacking on ChipsAhoy, and couldn't wait to leave the special administrative region of China. 4 months ago, March was spent with family as I traveled to UK for Rajiv's wedding at Birmingham, had fun with Suzanne in London and Glasgow, and entertained the family when they visited Macao. 3 months ago, it was a very challenging time for me as I faced the turbulent change of quitting my job, relocating to Malaysia, and prepared myself for the move to America. 2 months ago, I was in Japan with loved ones who I miss dearly, having so much fun together. 1 month ago, I am already here, in Chicago, settled in and attending school as aspired since the summer of 2004.

Looking back, much has indeed happened over these few months. Breaking it down to the details of what came to pass, it is overwhelming. Thank God for hindsight that I am able to see how blessed I am. This is a huge change for me, and although may see me childish or ignorant, I never thought that I would be living a life like this. I should complain and vent less about my life. Many see me as living the dream life of a true traveler. The various changes constantly sets me off a new adventure. I get tired, but I find my strength in the Faithful One.

Thank you for your prayers and support. Without you, I would never have the strength and courage to be doing what I am today.

A toast indeed to 2008, a year of change and to dreams coming true. It is also a year of happiness through weddings and celebrations. May God bless us all.

Bunny Mind and Function

2008-06-28T15:52:00.003-05:00

Psychology has always been one of my favorite subjects in the humanities. I find this discipline extremely helpful in bringing equilibrium in the crazy life of the bunny. Concepts and theories of the study of the human mind and function has been giving insights to all the whys I have been asking since I could remember. I would say I am complicated, but would that just be a reflection of the egoncentrism according to Piaget's Theory of Cognition?

I used to think that I am one kid with a seriously messed up head. Internal conflicts plagued my thoughts as I always thought by being told that it is all within the mind. However, it is by addressing such issues in my head and using life experience that I am able to seek peace in finding out that environmental factors beyond my control have part in forming my thoughts and the development of my mind. With what I have learned from conversations and time spent with significant people, I am able to use psychology to highlight the times when I was in distress and how I was practicing therapy. Thank God for wisdom and knowledge in this area that I am not a cracker now. Am I strong? Being politically correct, I would say I am resilient.

From the issues of middle child-syndrome to dealing with the passage of adolescence, I am thankful for every incident of my life that makes it as wacky and crazy as it is today. My lessons and independent studies in my tertiary educational years have helped me solidify my thoughts and I plan to use my strengths in this discipline to help others. I may not be a professional or licensed practitioner but I have been commended for being a good counselor and pseudo-therapist. My top patient is myself! How great it is that I have some strengths in this area that I do not have to go seek professional help that would cost thousands!

In challenging times I get to see things from an array of perspectives unknown to most people. Yes, people often think that I am crazy, but I have my ways and if I am still functioning well physically, emotionally, socially, and mentally without being on any medication I would say that I am THAT good. Putting self-esteem and efficacy aside, by taking this subject seriously I am also slowly getting to know the threats I put myself into. The latest findings is that I am slightly bulimic, or rather, facing bulimia nervosa in the early stages. I might be denying it by giving myself reasons that I love my food and can't stop eating, but in those excuses lie the truth coupled with my emotional roller-coaster of constant fear and despondence that in fact the eating disorder is within me. Have no worries, it is still at the wee-early stages and I do not think I have the guts to go puke myself silly.

Well, that is of the latest of my psychological issues apart from my psychosocial war fares of depression. Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde lives!

The American Toll

2008-06-25T09:41:00.002-05:00

Spotting a t-shirt/farmer's tan, bug bites that lasts for a least a week, deteriorating complexion, and the American food culture building up in my system, I think I am having a case of 六月病(roggatsu byou). I feel tried and the mood swings are on rampant. I have tonnes that need to be done but see myself slacking off, succumbing to waves of emotions. This is pathetic. I guess this is a spin off the Japanese 五月病(gogatsu-byou), a psychological phenomenon that settles in the month after a big change. Excuses? Maybe...

Maybe this is just the time of the year in my books that I feel down pretty easily. Time to whip out the ice-cold front and the iron lady in me. I have pretty lost my appetite but I eat more than needed to compensate for something. MAN! THIS IS DEPRESSION... yeah right.

Classes are going on fine but I am slacking with my work. My volunteer work hours are going just 'great,' but I do hope that I will be able to get some form of a steady income soon. I can't even go for retail therapy as I need to be frugal in order to pay upcoming tuition, not to forget that since I do not have my wings, I am pretty much grounded on campus unless someone drives me out. Having no income yet I have to commit myself to picking up after people's trash, weeding and gardening, paperwork...need a car, need a driving license... It sure sucks to be me.

Let me rant! The Prof tried to loosen us a little before the exam yesterday evening saying "At least you know where you will be 6 months from tomorrow." Christmas. Great... where will I be?

I seriously need to meet more people. I am not being an ingrate left last week and Sunny leaves today. as I do enjoy the time I have in the summer-all-women's-dorm, but it is only natural for the bunny to have some male friends. I have made friends with 2, and spend a lot of time having the best of times; however, Hiroshi left yesterday and Sunny leaves this evening. Pfffft... This is the best time for the boys to come to the rescue. HINT HINT HINT! ... ... ... sigh.

Well, emotions only lasts for 30-45 seconds. It is only when we feed our thoughts and time on it that it stretches itself out and lasts for hours or even days. Time to crack the whip and get some work done. Yep... drowning myself in work would help... maybe.

Checking In

2008-06-23T09:06:00.002-05:00

My phone rang twice for me in the last 72 hours. This happens to be a BIG things since I do not get calls much. The first of the self-proclaimed-handsome-guys invited me over to a small dinner get-together in spending time with S before he leaves, and AT called last night to check in with me since he hasn't seen me online of much and was wondering how I am holding fort in Chicagoland.

I am spinning WAAAAY off axis over here. Even though my daily schedule is pretty packed with civil labor in exchange for housing assistance and should be working on my homework, I have been preoccupied being a slacker that I have totally messed up my dates. I thought Father's Day was yesterday and only found out on Saturday by looking at the calendar that the 1st fell on a Sunday. That was why it did not seem to be that when everyone else in America was celebrating Father's Day a week ago, I thought things were different here. How dare I even open my mouth when I made a mistake. EMBARRASSING!!!!

School work is starting to pile up. I have an important test tomorrow and a research paper due on Thursday. Great! (>_<) And what have I been doing all these while in my free time? Socialization is good; therefore, chilling with N & S and TV time with M seems justified. I do deserve a spanking for spending too much time on my addiction for online games and reading manga. (o_O)!

Back to the phone calls... It is nice that I am able to carry a decent conversation with at least one of my ex-es. It was not just small talk but up-to-date ongoings about our lives and thoughts, fears and comfort. While I find it absolutely challenging to even exchange pleasantries with others who fall into the same category, I guess I am able to do so with AT is that time did make a difference. We were much younger then and I guess he was the guy who did give me the chance to work things out in my slower-than-average timing when it comes to dealing with emotional distress.

Well, it is good to be able to speak with someone who already knows me for who I am. Even though I do enjoy the company here and the new friends made, I still hesitate about talking too much about myself as I just wish to keep a low profile for now. The cycle starts the same way in every new setting. Nonetheless, my thanksgiving goes out to the people God has blessed me with the opportunity to be with.

Afternoon At Woodfields

2008-06-20T18:59:00.002-05:00

It was around 11am when I was awaken by the sounds of visitors looking at my room. "Man! What are they doing? I am still in bed!" I thought. I was up till 4:30 accompanying Minga in front of the TV watching 2 movies as she worked on her filing.

Nevertheless, my almost work-free weekend was made fun as I went to the mall with SunKyung, my summer roomie. We drove about 40 minutes to one of the largest mall in Chicagoland. Summer sales were happening everywhere. I was not really in the mood for clothes, but had a harvest of bath items and toiletries, my Starbucks Chicago City Mug, and feasting my palate on ColdStone's Strawberry Blonde.

I was planning to head downtown tomorrow but the muggy weather worries me. It would be nice to spend a day out visiting museums and the park... hmm, let's see what the weather brings in the next few hours. At the meantime, I seriously need to get some reading done.

Japanese Brunch

2008-06-18T11:46:00.003-05:00

Yummy! That was satisfying. (*^_^*)b

I got up this morning feeling hungry for some Japanese food. I was out at Arlington Heights with the D's for the RJC meeting and bought some rice and preserved plums from Mitsuwa. I was in the mood for onigiri at first, but when the rice was ready, I had the Sunday breakfast I used to have at Tsuchiura Megumi Church instead. The spread included an egg sunny-side-up, 2 sausages, nori, and kim-chi. Hmm, I should not have been lazy and made myself some miso soup too. (Laughs)

Anyways, since I made more rice than expected, I will have onigiri tonight or tomorrow. Yay! Now, I'd better go get my stuff done. No more slacking!

It arrived and everything is intact!

2008-06-17T14:02:00.002-05:00

I received a notice from the CPO (Campus Post Office) today about a "big box at the CPO." Finally, the parcel I shipped from Macao the day before I left is here! It was a task transporting my stuff back to Ohio Residence Hall. I brought my backpack and my grocery bag to ease carrying 20kg of my stuff. Unpacking my stuff at the CPO itself and bagging them, I end up carrying my backpack, the grocery bag, another bag from the box itself, and sandwiching my MNG boots between my arms and body. It was definitely a sight to see.

Nonetheless, I am happy that all of my stuff is here... WAIT... I think there are still some stuff at my sisters. Anyways, I am elated that my Starbucks mugs are in good condition. I guess I will spend the afternoon sorting out my room and hopefully get some reading done. Oh yes, I still have to pop by the library before it closes too.

Hmm, I reckon this will be the 2nd last of my expected mail for the coming months. It would be nice to receive some post or care-packages from loved ones.... *HINT* I am not greedy. At this moment, even an email will keep me happy for a week.

Party On Bunny!

2008-06-14T12:12:00.002-05:00

It is a record for my social life this year being invited to parties 2 Fridays in a row. This time is was a "real" party. Although the crowd was small, it was just people hanging out while music played and people danced. I succumb to one of my vices and enjoyed a night of conversations with new friends made. My most enjoyable event of the evening was the game of spoons which started at the beginning of the night, took a break, and finished off the evening at about 2am!

SPOONS? Some of us know it as the card game of "heart attack." Every player starts off with 4 random cards and the objective of the game is to get a complete set of the matching "number." A card will be passed from a neighbor. One picks it up to see whether it is the card desired; otherwise, it would be passed along. 4 cards in every hand at all times. Once a player gets a complete set, s/he will reach for a spoon from the pile of spoons (a number less than the number of players) in the middle of the table and everyone soon follows. The person who does not have a spoon loses.

I was sitting next to Hiroshi and he started calling my name out prompting me to pass cards along faster. Soon the whole table started chanting my name and that lasted the whole night. For the first 10 rounds or so, people were just saying that until someone asked what it meant, and I went "That is my name." It is sure not easy to keep a low profile. We were inspired to play "ultimate spoons" where the spoons will be hidden around the room... kinda extreme...
(o_O)!

The party was a proper farewell to Hiroshi but we were waiting for Minga to show as it was also a surprise birthday party for her. She did not come, thus we moved the party back to the dorm on campus. N and I woke Minga from her sleep and we sang in whispers and hung out for another hour or so.

Now that is what I call, a FRIDAY NIGHT!

A Trip To The Bridal Shop

2008-06-11T23:32:00.002-05:00

"NO WAY!!!"

"THAT SOON?"

"REALLY?"

M and I went for a drive to Schaumburg today. We went to David's Bridal in search for a dress. A bride's maid's dress. When I stepped into the store a wave of emotions hit me like never before...

It brought back memories of Dad's wedding, and it gave me a glimpse of the future. To M, she was in a candy store. We were greeted with rows upon rows of bridal gowns on the right and dresses for the rest of the bridal party and prom dresses on the left. The place was huge and just by surveying the premises increased adrenaline.

M tried on the dress that was chosen for her while I scout around the store. In about 2 hours, we picked out the dress, ordered the right size, chose shoes and placed an order to have it dyed. We even had time to look at other dresses, matching purses and man! What an experience!

The best part about the trip is that M bought a beautiful dress (in addition to the bride's maid's dress that she was supposed to get) for only USD 30! $30 from the original price of $155!!! What a sale! I am happily content that I got to be a part of the whole experience, but returned with a brochure or two for "reference and concrete planning." We will be heading back to the store again when M tries on the bride's maid's dress that was ordered for a fitting. Hmm, I was a good girl for not diving into buying a dress today, but who knows?

Summer is...

2008-06-10T23:09:00.005-05:00

... fun in the sun!

I just got back from Six Flags Great America! Although a little toasted, stuffed on junk food, and exhausted, I had so much fun spending the day with the Ls and some international students (past, and present).

I love amusement parks, and being in America... Man! Amusement parks here are home to many cool rides and numerous roller-coasters. As a matter of fact, I think I have been on a little too many roller-coasters today that my head is starting to hurt (or was it caused by the heat?). In our 9 hours spent there, I think we covered a good number of rides, ranging from the traditional park attractions to the crazy contraptions that challenges G-force to the max. My favorite rides were Superman (it is a roller-coaster ride with our backs aligned to the ramp and having all fours dangling as if we were flying) and King Chaos (where we flipped madly 360. I could feel my belt moving towards my shoulders and my necklace tickling my nose).

Let's see... I can't remember the exact order but I think I got the first and last ride right.

Columbia Carousel
Batman, the ride
Chubasco M, P, and I shared a cup and we were sliding back and forth being tossed around. We laughed so much till our sides hurt. Minga's cell phone fell out of her pocket, but thank goodness I found it lying on the mat when the ride was over.
Whizzer
Raging Bull
Roaring Rapids What is a day out at the amusement park without getting wet?
Viper
Vertical Velocity I like this ride a lot. We started off immediately in high speed going back and forth. It was really neat.
Triple Play
The Orbit
Superman: The Ultimate Flight
Sky Trek Tower
Giant Drop
Fiddlers' Fling
King Chaos
Big Easy Ballons
You may check out details to the ride by clicking here. And enjoy more pictures by clicking here.

My throat is sore and I bet I have work to prepare for Thursday since I missed my first class of Human Development and Growth...
(^_^ ;) but it was all worth it! I sure hoped that I could have shared the day with Matthew and Sunil. I know they would have loved it too!

Mystery Phone Charge

2008-06-07T23:37:00.001-05:00

Someone charged RM5 to my Malaysian Cell Phone number yesterday. I only found out this afternoon when my phone bugged me to charge its battery. I was puzzled because my sister herself suggested that I should just finish up my credits during my week in Japan as they would have expired by May 4. It could not be her... Why RM5? (o_O)?

The notification message regarding the credit charged was soon followed by a message informing me of a missed call 15 minutes later. I did not recognized the number... Who could it be? Thus far, only my sister would reload my card when I reminded her. Mom would not do it. Hmm...

Could it be the ghost of a past trying to contact me? I was tempted to call that number to check but decided not to. If it was important enough, s/he would try again. I am puzzled, a little intrigued, and would like to talk to someone specific about the matter... but am I thinking to much?

What Did I Get Myself Into...

2008-06-05T20:19:00.001-05:00

I find myself sitting at the front row of the classroom in amazement. How could it be that a man of his late 40s or maybe even, early 50s be THAT energetic. The classroom layout was definitely for adults. Nevertheless, we had coffee and doughnuts, cookies and juice on the tables at the side of the room. On the desks, there are colored markers, labeled papers, sweets, and candy. Sitting through an orientation with Dr. D was informative and fun. I felt like a kid back in school being taught by the best teacher in the world.

Adults we all were in the room. As we go through the handbook, I found out that there is just so much to do in my few months here. By November, I should have everything ready. This is definitely no summer to slack. I need to get things done. I need to work that calendar. Even more, I need to be hitting the books.

I think I have made up my mind. I will take on the path to be a generalist. It sure seems like a lot of work till my first state exam, and I have no allowance for failure. Even more so, I need strength, discipline, and prayer. No more procrastination. I have to monitor my online game addiction and other internet vices. I am going to be a teacher and I have to be DEAD serious about it.

There is an invitation to a farewell party tonight. Maybe I should go. It will be a farewell to the sloth in me too. Party on!

A Month

2008-06-04T18:22:00.002-05:00

Wow! A month. I have been here for a month now. Need some time for that fact to sink in. There are days when it feels like I have been here longer than that. Please do not get this wrong, I mean it in a good way. I am settling in just fine. Doing the things that I am doing does help me get into a groove of some sorts. For all you who worry out there, I am moving along just fine. I have made some really good friends here. (Yeah, somehow it is really refreshing and amazing how things turn out to be. I do hope that things will only be better once the semester kicks-in in August.)

Thank you for your prayers. I would deeply appreciate it if you continue to support me in your daily conversations with the Almighty One. I reckon I would be able to complete the voluntary hours for housing, but I would need to start paying the school soon. Please pray that something good would come up soon to help support me in my personal expenses and serve as an income as I pay for tuition in the upcoming months.

A Full Week

2008-06-03T21:25:00.003-05:00

It has been a LONG while now since I had a a packed week's schedule penciled out in my organizer. Well, given fairness to the monotony of work, there isn't really much to put in my schedule apart from client meetings and candidate interviews, oh yes... and the occasional training. But I am talking about a week of events that I have to be present because I want to (and have to). This week gave me a flashback of what it means to be a student again.

MONDAY Grocery shopping and running personal errands
TUESDAY Meet Mrs. C for gardening at 9am. Briefing at Plant Operations for Bandits' games for summer
WEDNESDAY Cooking class/English tutoring at North Shore
THURSDAY Gardening with Mrs. C. Meet with Dr. D for Teachers Certification Program
FRIDAY Bandits' game volunteer hours in the evening
SATURDAY Bandits' game volunteer hours in the evening
SUNDAY Church. Bandits' game volunteer hours in the afternoon

My! And this is only summer! I wonder how would my schedule be like once the Fall semester begins? I should really get my class schedule and activities planned out now.

Awkwardness

2008-06-02T21:04:00.002-05:00

You know a relationship is pretty bad when the conversations are unpleasant, and if you and the other could not socially behave yourselves while sharing the room for a mere 30 minutes. It is even worse when you feel the awkwardness in the presence of someone that is beyond the PC screen, sandwiched by cyber space, and thousand of miles away.

It bugs me. It shows that I still care, but yet, I am not ready to deal with it. I need time. I need wisdom.Will you be patient enough to wait for me? Or have you already written me off? Hmm, maybe these are questions I should ask myself.

June Bug

2008-06-01T23:04:00.004-05:00

I was speaking to someone at church today. She is a very friendly Japanese lady who played a role in translating a contract drafted by STF with the program I am involved with. It is amazing to see how the network of God's work. Our conversation was intriguing as she mentioned certain issues of identity. Me being stubborn to my belief, was challenged.

Whether you agree or not, we strive for the ideal. That is why we introduce concepts of the ideal in our personal life and society. Nevertheless, humans are plagued by sin, and its downfall is that we think too highly about ourselves. We tend to generalize and stereotype others, but are we aware that we are also submitting ourselves to be a stereotype too?

Many would think that we are done with identity issues once we pass our mid 20s, but in fact, our identities are often challenged as we are easily swayed to how people think of us. In my short weeks in America, I learned that discrimination still exist. People try not do let ethnicity be a "problem," nevertheless, they categorize humans based on their background, socioeconomic power, the way they speak, etc. It is rather puzzling that even though America is a country of immigrants regardless of skin color, people still classify themselves to where their ancestors originated. Maybe they are taking pride in their roots, maybe they are insecure of who they are.

I call myself a Malaysian because I hold firm to the ideal that although my ancestors were immigrants to the country, I find my identity as a person born in that country, a country where racial harmony ideally exist, that I am a product of an ideally multiracial and multicultural community and nation. I can not deny my biological composition and features that I am Chinese, but I would never consent to be called (mainland) Chinese. I value my cultural background and traditions, but I find I am more inclined to be the "copy-amalgamate-excel" mentality and perfectionist culture of the Japanese. However, it does not end there. My strive to be recognize as an individual stems only from a western thought. Thus, with a complex structure, how would I classify myself? Social class or earning power? Hah! Being back in academia, that hardly means anything.

My standing is that I am Suemae, just like a Japanese child who is asked, "Are you Chinese?" "I don't know." "Are you Korean?" "I don't know." "What are you, then?" "I am Ken." Although this simple child may grow up and start searching for his identity and only find that he belongs with the Japanese community, I have been through that every time I move into a new context. I find my identity in Christ and the rest, although defines my background, does not control who I choose to be. I wish to live my life respecting each individual I encounter for who they are and not by the cultural baggages they carry (although sometimes some do fall into the stereotypes, which I would leave that for another discourse). Kids do not care who they are friends with, only until people tell them. Their perceptions and orientations about others are the products of people inflicting discriminating thoughts on them. Isn't it sad?

Someone once mentioned that I am like a wild lily, being able to take root and grow wherever I am. I have been in enough changes of environments that I am starting to see that the compliment carries truth. Nonetheless, I am only human, and without the grace from above, I would never be able to do it on my own. Even though I am in a new context and environment, i still find joy in sharing memories with new friends. I would say it is a blessing indeed.

I attended a very traditional Japanese church worship service at a large church in downtown Chicago today. The service was exactly the same as most churches in Japan and even the fellowship that followed after resembled those I was familiar with. It was a nice day for a drive and on our way back, we stopped by MITSUWA, a Japanese supermarket with a Japanese foodcourt. I had a piece of my Japan today and could not help but smile to myself.

Thank you, CD. Thank you, JD.

Cracking the Whip

2008-05-30T14:46:00.002-05:00

Come on, Bunny. You can do it. Pull yourself together. All you need is DISCIPLINE.

I have been at Judson for 26 days. Even though I arrived at the beginning of the institution's summer vacation, I have classes and coursework that needs to be done. The subject is challenging and the coursework is just as engaging. Nevertheless, with proper time management, I would have done just fine.

The problem is that I have been slacking, procrastinating, and submitting to sloth. I guess the works in the noggin thinks that I am on holiday in comparison to the past 2 years in the workforce. I used to be running about juggling a plateful of other things and I still managed to keep on the top of things. My responsibilities today definitely seems easier than what I was juggling with during my senior year. So, hop to it, Bunny.

I will be wrapping up my course on Educational Psychology on Tuesday. This means that I have to complete all of my research, assignments, and prepare for the final exam on June 3. In order to be waived from paying summer housing, I should get in 150 hours of volunteer work by August. I also should get an on campus job soon to get a social security number. Technically, I should be visiting the local schools now to try to get exposure in teaching, but since the school year ends next week, I guess I have to put that off till Fall. And last but not least, I should get my driving license done soon. (I was foolish to have left my Malaysian driving license at home. I could use it for a year here. Sigh!)

So, yeah... things have to be done and I should not be lazing around, sitting in front of my computer everyday playing online games and watching stuff off the Internet. Hanging out in the lounge with friends in the evenings should be balanced too.

Time to get some work done.
DISCIPLINE, woman. DISCIPLINE!