Christmas Day 2008

It was Christmas morning, the young ones rushed to the living room where the tree was and started attacking the presents as everyone gathered. Everyone is smiling and laughing in the cozy atmosphere while waiting for Christmas dinner as we enjoy the winter wonderland outside...

The perception of Christmases in the west was not actualized as how most of us would have pictured it. My Christmas this year had a distinctive flavor of its own.

I was awaken by the sound of the tele and joined the family in the living room around 8am. The skies outside was dark and grey. We just planted ourselves and fixed our eyes on the local broadcasts. Vege-ing was literally what we did all morning with an occasional break to get the morning snacks of cookies. Big sis played "super-host" as she started to fix Christmas dinner as mom, Su-Anne, and I watched the classic "My Fair Lady."

Christmas dinner was served with a wondrous spread of English Christmas trimmings surrounding the main course, roast lamb! We sat, we ate, and as every good Malaysian, we were done in record speed and even put away all tableware cleaned and dried within 2 hours! We wined and dined, and moved back into the living room for desserts and more TV.

At the beginning hours of the evening, we did presents and everyone was excited like children. I was not expecting much and therefore was euphoric to be receiving gifts from the family and the family to be. Suzanne got me a Christmas mug and sheep jammies, Su-Anne and Mark supplied me with cosmetics for the year, and mom fed the soul with one of the top selling motivational books in Malaysia for the year.

More food appeared as we took turns to nap in front of the entertaining box. Notions of playing games were soon scraped due to the hypnotic grip of Christmas programs. We later feasted on the leftovers at Christmas dinner and threw in some fresh salad and salmon. Scrumptious...

What I liked best about today was that we just lazed around ALL DAY in our pajamas! I guess we are well rested for the crazy shop-out tomorrow... Boxing Day! Time to get a bang on my buck, or rather pound on my Pound! (Hehe...)

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!

Ow---------yeow-------ch!

I could barely move.
I can't take off my clothes to shower.
I can't raise my arms.
All I can do is just lay down and whale around.

My sis' apartment is great.
It would be super if someone could turn the thermostat up.
I snuggle in bed and baby my jet-lag.
The morning passed,
My body still aches.
Running to across the terminal at Chicago sure turned me into a flake.

I find my way to the library and the grocery store,
My memory of this place has not faded at all.
Before another nap to nurse the body pain,
I got myself some ingredients for baking,
and managed to fry my Mac charger.
I guess I have to be content with a PC.

Ouch and yeowch is all I can say,
After rubbing analgesic cream it still is the same.
I need to start baking,
and call a few people...
I need to pack again later
for my brother awaits at Birmingham tomorrow.

Is this a poem?
This definitely does not rhyme.
I am in pain so I will try this sometime again.

This is No Joke

I am now blogging to you from Manchester Airport in the UK. Yep. My vacation officially starts now, but not without a story in itself to tell.

It was just my luck to be flying out of Chicago on a snow day. No, let me correct myself, a SNOW DAY! As much as I like winter and the snow, it is ridiculous how an afternoon of snow caused a normally 30 minutes drive to O'Hare to be a absurd 3 hour inch in traffic. Every mile seems like forever.

My flight was to leave at 5:35pm, after wrapping everything up on campus, Brian picked me up at 3. The snow started snowing around 10:30 and would only cease in the wee hours of the morning. We journeyed steadily in the snow but the back up of traffic started soon after we were on the highway. It was a LONG drive.

Looking at the weather outside, I reckon that flights would be delayed, if not canceled. What mattered more to me was arriving at the airport safe and see how things go from there. I arrived around 6:15pm but the flight was delayed till 6:40. The lady at the counter quickly checked me in, but was unable to check my luggage in. So, thank God I packed light. I pieced my backpack together and begged the security officer to let me pass. I battled through security check with my heavy bags, tore the paper bag that was holding my hand luggage (and other stuff) (Good thing I had thought of bringing my grocery tote bag). I was apologizing profusely and was thankful that only my lotion and facial wash had to be junked.

I raced to the gate with the heavy load of close to 14kg on my back and my original carry-on of maybe 5-7kg. (Hey, I am packing for 3 weeks! It is a huge accomplishment that I am not lugging around the regular travel bag on wheels with all my clothes and another pair of boots.) It was not an easy tasks as I had to keep switching my bag to different hands when they started turning blue from the weight. Again, Lady Luck must be bursting with laughter when my gate WAS the farthest from the security check point. This would be the second time that the entire flight was waiting for me. I was panting and undoubtedly embarrassed when I got to my seat. I had to dismantle my backpack again in order to stow everything away. The last time I remembered sweating like a pig in winter was on my ski trip. It took me close to another half hour just to catch my breath and calmed myself down. Luckily, the plane was waiting for the staff and pilot who was also stuck in traffic. Everyone sat and waited in the airplane. We finally took off at 7:35pm.

After doing the math, it would only be logical that I will arrive at Manchester for my transit late. My flight for Glasgow was scheduled at 8:35am local time, we arrived from Chicago at 9am. I made my way to the American Airlines office and they arranged me on the next available flight north that departs at 2:40pm. I might not have packed my address book and had to go through desperate measures to get Suzanne's mobile number as yes, silly me, I forgot to write it down. Hallelujah there is free wireless and I had my computer with me.

THUS, I have another 4 hours to burn till my 1 hour flight before I get to reunite with Suzanne. I repacked my stuff and left the minimum on my now 1 carry-on. I don't have my charger with me thus I think watching a movie on my MacBook would not be a good idea. Since I had a nap on the plane, I reckon I would do just fine until dinner tonight. It is now 4:4oam Chicago time... I will talk to you guys later. Pray that the next leg would be nothing but smooth sailing. Thank God I made it this far with my sanity intact.

Peace & Serenity of the Season

"Refreshed" is a word that found its way back to my mind this morning as I climbed out of bed. It has been a long while since I last remember having a good night's sleep. Although I have only slept for a few hours, the stress and anxiety of the Fall semester was washed away like the snow by the rain on Saturday. Like outside, my senses are crisp and fresh. The silence of the room was peaceful, but I do miss Colleen, B, and Nem.

The morning ritual before heading out the door was accompanied by the carols sung by Celtic Woman. Although warm from the shower, cold was felt by every bone once I stepped out of the apartment. 15C? 15F? I must have missed the minus sign before the numbers as I glanced at my PC before putting on my jacket. Cold has a new definition. When the surface of exposed skin starts to hurt in a burning pain and when I feel like putting on another coat or two, that would be cold. At least, I know that I should not hesitate to reach for my coat as the lake-effect only guarantees that it would reach the low of -30C at the peak of winter here.

Focusing on things that would keep me warm, I think of the relaxing evenings I have had since Friday. My weekend movies were adjusted to supply the commercialized festivities of Christmas with movies on the TV. While the TV is on, my hands were busy with the knitting needles. For a change to something more intelligent, I would pick up a book and read while being lulled by soft carols. Maybe I should put in some time for catching up with my correspondences too.

It will be another night of "Suemae-time" tonight. I look forward to heading back and whipping up myself something yummy before I collect my thoughts and stuff. Pray that the snow storm tomorrow will be VERY kind and not to hinder any travel plans.

Turning Violent... (grr...)

Being a moody person is only half of the description about me. The other half is that I am a highly-stressed walking time bomb. My crazy antics are just mini let-gos that stabilizes the internal madness; otherwise, this bunny might just explode and landing her in an asylum.

I found out that sugar does wonders. And since I have not been having sugar since the beginning of the month... it is war between my Jekyll and Hyde in the pressured times of the Finals week.

How could it be possible to avoid sweets at this time of the year? Christmas is just around the corner and it is a season of baked goods galore. There are bursts of parties here and there and sugar, candy, cakes, and cookies are the main spread. Great... just great!

I had a plan on steps to complete my semester while trying to maintain composure and to wrap it up well. It is a wonder that with the heavy course load and lifestyle I am able to maintain a good grade. (I wonder why does it matter so much? Well, I know the reasons... I am just a very disturbed person with the expectations I set for myself based on my role and identity I walk with.) My outburst on Facebook has brought out the good souls of this season. Although I can't do anything more, I just hope that the damage will be minimum. I am stressed out enough with an elective class that I think, due to the miscommunication in grading choice, is already screwing me over.

Anyways, I am done. I am free! Well, technically, I still have lots to sort out in my personal and financial side of things. Nevertheless, I am glad that I can now start to enjoy the season and let the excitement that leads to my Christmas break build up now.

The no-sweets diet is not really working when I substitute my stress-binge eating with food like cheese and sausages. *Sigh* I went to the opposite polar and started stuffing myself with high-sodium foods. Believe it or not, last night I had my first instant noodle since, possibly, summer! That made my instant noodle break lasted for more than 3 months. Imagine that!

I find myself singing this under my breath...

Baby, It's Cold Outside
*click title for music*

I really can't stay - Baby it's cold outside
I've got to go away - Baby it's cold outside
This evening has been - Been hoping that you'd drop in
So very nice - I'll hold your hands, they're just like ice
My mother will start to worry - Beautiful, what's your hurry
My father will be pacing the floor - Listen to the fireplace roar
So really I'd better scurry - Beautiful, please don't hurry
well Maybe just a half a drink more - Put some music on while I pour

The neighbors might think - Baby, it's bad out there
Say, what's in this drink - No cabs to be had out there
I wish I knew how - Your eyes are like starlight now
To break this spell - I'll take your hat, your hair looks swell
I ought to say no, no, no, sir - Mind if I move a little closer
At least I'm gonna say that I tried - What's the sense in hurting my pride
I really can't stay - Baby don't hold out
Ahh, but it's cold outside

I simply must go - Baby, it's cold outside
The answer is no - Ooh baby, it's cold outside
This welcome has been - I'm lucky that you dropped in
So nice and warm -- Look out the window at that storm
My sister will be suspicious - Man, your lips look so delicious
My brother will be there at the door - Waves upon a tropical shore
My maiden aunt's mind is vicious - Gosh your lips look delicious
Well maybe just a half a drink more - Never such a blizzard before

I've got to go home - Oh, baby, you'll freeze out there
Say, lend me your comb - It's up to your knees out there
You've really been grand - Your eyes are like starlight now
But don't you see - How can you do this thing to me
There's bound to be talk tomorrow - Making my life long sorrow
At least there will be plenty implied - If you caught pneumonia and died
I really can't stay - Get over that old out
Ahh, but it's cold outside

Baby it's cold outside

Who Do I See?

Could the effectiveness of effort only be limited to specific things in life? Maybe I am trying too hard? Action based on reason might not be logical after all.

I follow my heart and do what I know would make me happy, the feeling I get when I know the other smiles from the heart from the things I do. Never would I want to force anyone to do anything they do not want to. I guess being indifferent would be the safest route. But would it not be hypocritical if my thoughts does not match my actions? The conversations of care on concern would not be sincere if they do not correspond to the maintenance of a relationship. Why should there be a masquerade of true feelings? Could sincerity be that suffocating? Maybe I am just with those who do not understand me at all? Or could it be that the problem is with me?

The thought came like a slap of cold air. Only recently did I find out the reason/concept behind "Your thoughts are too heavy for me." Maybe being my perfectionist self in doing all I can to making others happy might not be a good idea after all. But could it be wrong to do all I can in order not to let every possible opportunity go to waste? Back to basics, I can not make everyone happy, nor make them understand and accept me the way that I am.

I guess I should go back to being the ice-queen and not care too much about the matters of the heart. Let them come, as D says. Why should I even do anything? However, I can't help it if I find my actions responding to my rational of social order and etiquette. I am not trying too hard, it just comes naturally. Do I really make such a bad girlfriend? Am I being myself causing discomfort to others? Do I repel the opposite sex that badly? Am I that intimidating as a female? Should I seriously consider the role of the frail damsel in distress?

A tragedy led me to contact V. We talked for a while and I guess I am slowly unwinding the knots and considering the guys I have dated. Funny enough, after my first official relationship, V has pretty much influenced how I treat guys who came after me. "Give the guy a chance if he tries so hard." "Why can't the girl make the first move?" It goes against what I would normally do, "Why bother when I know he is not the one?" It echoes arrogance but it is indeed scary when I am right. The chance was given and I opened myself to possibilities. It was not a waste of time, I did learn something through all of these relationships.

Be it a joke or not, V mentioned that we were meant to be together right from the start. I chuckled. Maybe, maybe not. Our time spent apart and the people we encountered in life help mature us to be the person who is meant for one another. Who knows? Although we have feelings for one another, time was the factor. Things would be almost perfect if we could speed up time that allows us to mature.

Getting back in contact would do us both good. Talking to V always helped me sort my thoughts out. Just like the good ol' times of high school. I look forward to chatting with him again. Buddies indeed.

The Death of Me

Fine. This phrase maybe a little over used this semester. Wait. I have only used it once for my strategy files and idea box project for Language Arts. Thus I guess it will be ok for me to use it again for my final project for Middle School Methods. I am really not in the mood to work on this research paper and I have been procrastinating since I completed all my other assignments for the semester since Wednesday.

One week left till the end of the Fall semester at Judson. Completing all written assignments, I have only my finals for Children's Literature on Monday. I have my journal article presentation prepared for ESL Methods. All my assignments are handed in for Language Arts and my finals is waiting for me on Wednesday. And all I have left for the entire semester is this research paper for middle school methods. The pain is to prepare 35 corresponding questions to the 10 chapters of the textbook, interview some middle school teachers, compare and contrast the answers with the text book ideal, make the connections, and conclude with a grade for the middle school in question. Whoopie.

I am not in the mood for work. I want sweets and candy. The cookies and cakes are beckoning... Argh! Well, just a week to go. God, please help me.

On the bright side, I did pass my bilingual transitional test! We had "Storm the Dorm" on Thursday where staff and faculty members surprise students in the dorm bringing cookies and snacks to encourage the "studying" students. I had a short chat with Dr. C, no, Santa, and my roomies and I got some CDs and beef jerky. We had a Christmas banquet, but the formal dressed-up Christmas events happened over the weekend with the need for purchased tickets. Although I am on a no baked goods/cookie/candy diet since Monday, I did stuff myself with sausages and cheese at the home party at Dr. S' place. B had her senior design show on Friday adn I loved her work. The snow is beautiful and I am thinking that the campus will be white until it gets warm again.

Enough of slacking, I need to concentrate... Gah~ This middle school paper will be the death of me.

Staring at a dot

I am trying to focus. Although the beauty of the snow outside is mesmerizing, my body seems to be playing a mean trick on me. I have no idea why it is ready to go back to bed again 2 hours after I am up in the morning and the energy level just crashes down hill from there. I am thankful I don't have the sniffles, but work needs to be done without me falling asleep, literally, everywhere at anytime.

Judson had its Christmas Banquet yesterday. I would say it could be rather grand indeed. It is the first time I actually enjoyed the food at the cafeteria, more than my only favorite of spinach quiche as everything else is just nasty. They got the salmon right, and I was even considering getting thirds for the juicy beef tenderloin. It was scrumptious and a little rare, just the way I like my meat. The dessert spread was rather festive too and they had a chocolate fountain. With all the decorations up and the life background music provided, everything would be close to perfect if people we a tinge more dressed up.

At the upper commons, there was a live jazz band playing as students took pictures with Santa Claus under a huge tree and students sticking their raffle tickets into bags to win gadgets like iPod touch, Wii, toys, tickets, and gift cards. JianHui gave me her share of raffle tickets, but since I had no email, I guess I didn't win anything after all.

Nevertheless, I am rather pleased with myself as I have completed all my course work for 2 of my classes now. I just have those of 2 more classes and 2 finals lined up next week. I will also be the coolest teacher in town as I received a bag of goodies for my last day as a teacher's aide. I am now equipped with cool posters and teacher-y stationery. I love it! The boys were also super sweet in signing a card for me. Zac and Ian even made me paper snowflakes with personal messages on them. The male kind are still sweet and cute at the age of 10...

Well, back to completing homework today as I took the entire night off yesterday catching up with Bleach and I made some fruit jelly. It is a strict no sweets diet till Christmas but fruit doesn't count. Yeah, tease all you want but I need to be cordially social at the class get-together this afternoon.

Let it snow, Let It Snow, LET IT SNOW!!!

Snow has been in the weather forecast all day. As a matter of fact, while watching TV earlier, we are given warning to be alert for snow storms that expires at noon, December 1. It doesn't matter. I love snow.

As the snow piles up outside, I wish it could cover all that is in my mind right now. How nice would it be if everything could be reset to a blank canvas. But then again, would I really want that to happen? Apart from the sight and stillness that comes with every snowfall, I love the feeling and sound of snow crunching beneath me everywhere I go. Crunch, crunch, crunch... if only my worries would go away.

*******

I found out more about myself over the last week. I am an obsessive compulsive person when it comes to crafts and decor. I spent the whole of Tuesday morning putting up the Christmas decorations at work and was on the decorating train and started cutting out paper snowflakes at Christina's prompt. I had fun. Now, visiting the place feels like walking into a party.

Under the stress I am facing in wrapping up the semester, I guess having a pair of scissors and paper handy would be a good idea. After Thanksgiving dinner, I started making more paper snowflakes. For a break on Friday, I folded Swedish Christmas Stars. And within 2 days, I have almost completed a cover for my laptop. I also helped with the kids program at church on Sunday, making crafts, decorating cookies, and serving hot chocolate. It was a good break from working on homework throughout my Thanksgiving break.

It's December. Man! This year went past fast. There is so much I would like to say but I need my head to be focused in wrapping up the semester. 2 weeks to go. I would appreciate prayer, not only for myself, but for all those who will be traveling this month.