Bunny Mind and Function

Psychology has always been one of my favorite subjects in the humanities. I find this discipline extremely helpful in bringing equilibrium in the crazy life of the bunny. Concepts and theories of the study of the human mind and function has been giving insights to all the whys I have been asking since I could remember. I would say I am complicated, but would that just be a reflection of the egoncentrism according to Piaget's Theory of Cognition?

I used to think that I am one kid with a seriously messed up head. Internal conflicts plagued my thoughts as I always thought by being told that it is all within the mind. However, it is by addressing such issues in my head and using life experience that I am able to seek peace in finding out that environmental factors beyond my control have part in forming my thoughts and the development of my mind. With what I have learned from conversations and time spent with significant people, I am able to use psychology to highlight the times when I was in distress and how I was practicing therapy. Thank God for wisdom and knowledge in this area that I am not a cracker now. Am I strong? Being politically correct, I would say I am resilient.

From the issues of middle child-syndrome to dealing with the passage of adolescence, I am thankful for every incident of my life that makes it as wacky and crazy as it is today. My lessons and independent studies in my tertiary educational years have helped me solidify my thoughts and I plan to use my strengths in this discipline to help others. I may not be a professional or licensed practitioner but I have been commended for being a good counselor and pseudo-therapist. My top patient is myself! How great it is that I have some strengths in this area that I do not have to go seek professional help that would cost thousands!

In challenging times I get to see things from an array of perspectives unknown to most people. Yes, people often think that I am crazy, but I have my ways and if I am still functioning well physically, emotionally, socially, and mentally without being on any medication I would say that I am THAT good. Putting self-esteem and efficacy aside, by taking this subject seriously I am also slowly getting to know the threats I put myself into. The latest findings is that I am slightly bulimic, or rather, facing bulimia nervosa in the early stages. I might be denying it by giving myself reasons that I love my food and can't stop eating, but in those excuses lie the truth coupled with my emotional roller-coaster of constant fear and despondence that in fact the eating disorder is within me. Have no worries, it is still at the wee-early stages and I do not think I have the guts to go puke myself silly.

Well, that is of the latest of my psychological issues apart from my psychosocial war fares of depression. Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde lives!

The American Toll

Spotting a t-shirt/farmer's tan, bug bites that lasts for a least a week, deteriorating complexion, and the American food culture building up in my system, I think I am having a case of 六月病(roggatsu byou). I feel tried and the mood swings are on rampant. I have tonnes that need to be done but see myself slacking off, succumbing to waves of emotions. This is pathetic. I guess this is a spin off the Japanese 五月病(gogatsu-byou), a psychological phenomenon that settles in the month after a big change. Excuses? Maybe...

Maybe this is just the time of the year in my books that I feel down pretty easily. Time to whip out the ice-cold front and the iron lady in me. I have pretty lost my appetite but I eat more than needed to compensate for something. MAN! THIS IS DEPRESSION... yeah right.

Classes are going on fine but I am slacking with my work. My volunteer work hours are going just 'great,' but I do hope that I will be able to get some form of a steady income soon. I can't even go for retail therapy as I need to be frugal in order to pay upcoming tuition, not to forget that since I do not have my wings, I am pretty much grounded on campus unless someone drives me out. Having no income yet I have to commit myself to picking up after people's trash, weeding and gardening, paperwork...need a car, need a driving license... It sure sucks to be me.

Let me rant! The Prof tried to loosen us a little before the exam yesterday evening saying "At least you know where you will be 6 months from tomorrow." Christmas. Great... where will I be?

I seriously need to meet more people. I am not being an ingrate left last week and Sunny leaves today. as I do enjoy the time I have in the summer-all-women's-dorm, but it is only natural for the bunny to have some male friends. I have made friends with 2, and spend a lot of time having the best of times; however, Hiroshi left yesterday and Sunny leaves this evening. Pfffft... This is the best time for the boys to come to the rescue. HINT HINT HINT! ... ... ... sigh.

Well, emotions only lasts for 30-45 seconds. It is only when we feed our thoughts and time on it that it stretches itself out and lasts for hours or even days. Time to crack the whip and get some work done. Yep... drowning myself in work would help... maybe.

Checking In

My phone rang twice for me in the last 72 hours. This happens to be a BIG things since I do not get calls much. The first of the self-proclaimed-handsome-guys invited me over to a small dinner get-together in spending time with S before he leaves, and AT called last night to check in with me since he hasn't seen me online of much and was wondering how I am holding fort in Chicagoland.

I am spinning WAAAAY off axis over here. Even though my daily schedule is pretty packed with civil labor in exchange for housing assistance and should be working on my homework, I have been preoccupied being a slacker that I have totally messed up my dates. I thought Father's Day was yesterday and only found out on Saturday by looking at the calendar that the 1st fell on a Sunday. That was why it did not seem to be that when everyone else in America was celebrating Father's Day a week ago, I thought things were different here. How dare I even open my mouth when I made a mistake. EMBARRASSING!!!!

School work is starting to pile up. I have an important test tomorrow and a research paper due on Thursday. Great! (>_<) And what have I been doing all these while in my free time? Socialization is good; therefore, chilling with N & S and TV time with M seems justified. I do deserve a spanking for spending too much time on my addiction for online games and reading manga. (o_O)!

Back to the phone calls... It is nice that I am able to carry a decent conversation with at least one of my ex-es. It was not just small talk but up-to-date ongoings about our lives and thoughts, fears and comfort. While I find it absolutely challenging to even exchange pleasantries with others who fall into the same category, I guess I am able to do so with AT is that time did make a difference. We were much younger then and I guess he was the guy who did give me the chance to work things out in my slower-than-average timing when it comes to dealing with emotional distress.

Well, it is good to be able to speak with someone who already knows me for who I am. Even though I do enjoy the company here and the new friends made, I still hesitate about talking too much about myself as I just wish to keep a low profile for now. The cycle starts the same way in every new setting. Nonetheless, my thanksgiving goes out to the people God has blessed me with the opportunity to be with.

Afternoon At Woodfields

It was around 11am when I was awaken by the sounds of visitors looking at my room. "Man! What are they doing? I am still in bed!" I thought. I was up till 4:30 accompanying Minga in front of the TV watching 2 movies as she worked on her filing.

Nevertheless, my almost work-free weekend was made fun as I went to the mall with SunKyung, my summer roomie. We drove about 40 minutes to one of the largest mall in Chicagoland. Summer sales were happening everywhere. I was not really in the mood for clothes, but had a harvest of bath items and toiletries, my Starbucks Chicago City Mug, and feasting my palate on ColdStone's Strawberry Blonde.

I was planning to head downtown tomorrow but the muggy weather worries me. It would be nice to spend a day out visiting museums and the park... hmm, let's see what the weather brings in the next few hours. At the meantime, I seriously need to get some reading done.

Japanese Brunch

Yummy! That was satisfying. (*^_^*)b

I got up this morning feeling hungry for some Japanese food. I was out at Arlington Heights with the D's for the RJC meeting and bought some rice and preserved plums from Mitsuwa. I was in the mood for onigiri at first, but when the rice was ready, I had the Sunday breakfast I used to have at Tsuchiura Megumi Church instead. The spread included an egg sunny-side-up, 2 sausages, nori, and kim-chi. Hmm, I should not have been lazy and made myself some miso soup too. (Laughs)

Anyways, since I made more rice than expected, I will have onigiri tonight or tomorrow. Yay! Now, I'd better go get my stuff done. No more slacking!

It arrived and everything is intact!

I received a notice from the CPO (Campus Post Office) today about a "big box at the CPO." Finally, the parcel I shipped from Macao the day before I left is here! It was a task transporting my stuff back to Ohio Residence Hall. I brought my backpack and my grocery bag to ease carrying 20kg of my stuff. Unpacking my stuff at the CPO itself and bagging them, I end up carrying my backpack, the grocery bag, another bag from the box itself, and sandwiching my MNG boots between my arms and body. It was definitely a sight to see.

Nonetheless, I am happy that all of my stuff is here... WAIT... I think there are still some stuff at my sisters. Anyways, I am elated that my Starbucks mugs are in good condition. I guess I will spend the afternoon sorting out my room and hopefully get some reading done. Oh yes, I still have to pop by the library before it closes too.

Hmm, I reckon this will be the 2nd last of my expected mail for the coming months. It would be nice to receive some post or care-packages from loved ones.... *HINT* I am not greedy. At this moment, even an email will keep me happy for a week.

Party On Bunny!

It is a record for my social life this year being invited to parties 2 Fridays in a row. This time is was a "real" party. Although the crowd was small, it was just people hanging out while music played and people danced. I succumb to one of my vices and enjoyed a night of conversations with new friends made. My most enjoyable event of the evening was the game of spoons which started at the beginning of the night, took a break, and finished off the evening at about 2am!

SPOONS? Some of us know it as the card game of "heart attack." Every player starts off with 4 random cards and the objective of the game is to get a complete set of the matching "number." A card will be passed from a neighbor. One picks it up to see whether it is the card desired; otherwise, it would be passed along. 4 cards in every hand at all times. Once a player gets a complete set, s/he will reach for a spoon from the pile of spoons (a number less than the number of players) in the middle of the table and everyone soon follows. The person who does not have a spoon loses.

I was sitting next to Hiroshi and he started calling my name out prompting me to pass cards along faster. Soon the whole table started chanting my name and that lasted the whole night. For the first 10 rounds or so, people were just saying that until someone asked what it meant, and I went "That is my name." It is sure not easy to keep a low profile. We were inspired to play "ultimate spoons" where the spoons will be hidden around the room... kinda extreme...
(o_O)!

The party was a proper farewell to Hiroshi but we were waiting for Minga to show as it was also a surprise birthday party for her. She did not come, thus we moved the party back to the dorm on campus. N and I woke Minga from her sleep and we sang in whispers and hung out for another hour or so.

Now that is what I call, a FRIDAY NIGHT!