忘れない。忘れたくはない。

Once I used to think about you every day, replaying memories that are crystal clear, smiling to myself at the exchange of dialogs, correspondence, and actions. It would make my day just by knowing of your existence. I would smile by a simple glance of significant memorabilia. No matter how busy or crazy the world around me revolves, spending some time thinking of us allows me to let out a sigh of content, breathing in happiness, and giving me encouragement.

Chivalry, kindness, and generosity are your traits. Although moody at times, you were my listening ear and often able to make me laugh and smile with the simplest things. My senses are often stimulated by your very presence, I remember them vividly wherever I was. There were days where reason validates my emotions for you, and yet reason holds me back from ever acting on impulse. You are that special and important to me that I fear my behavior my give you pressure in any way. I keep my thoughts to myself, but willing to listen to your opinions and make mental notes. Even though the official captions were not established, nor as your claims of being familiar with the concept, I thought that the relationship shared was very real.

I will always remember the first time I held your hand, and our stroll down that beautifully lit street. I always enjoyed out time together, even if it was just getting to a destination on foot. Deep in my heart, I will never forget that you were the first person ever to hug me just as I was about to be pissed off. I will always be warm in your presence. We rant, we laugh, and the conversations shared were always meaningful, uplifting, and encouraging. My memories and talking about them to friends made clear something very new to me, it is not just mere attraction or fondness.

Should I be discouraged by your honesty? Our fellowship is one built on friendship. Am I supposed to forget everything and move on? I do not think I am able to remain as close friends yet deny my feelings. Reason and passion, I am who I am with the tension between the two. It would be too proud to say that there is a reason for our acquaintance, but I know that if things were meant to be, God will guide us down a path for the best outcome. Will I be in waiting? I guess the truth is I did not forget, I wish not to forget.