Selfless Planning?

A few days ago I was doing my regular reading when I came across an issue that captured my thoughts. It was a topic that related to making decisions and planning for the future. The writing got my thoughts focused on my own plans and decisions, whether they reflect any self-centeredness on my behalf.

I remember vividly an incident that happened about 5-6 years ago. It was one of the darker times in my life when I was utterly confused about being selfless. Trying to be a better person, I was hoping to be a not selfish in deciding what I should do with my future; however, I was going overboard by taking heed the circumstances of my actions on others while placing a rather unhealthy emphasis on what other would think of me. I went mad. This was mainly because my understanding was still immature as I took things literally, and the situation was made complex in the confusion fused with the misunderstanding of being selfless and one that has no self/identity. Am I glad that I have grown out of that! Explaining it now is still confusing and complex. Nevertheless, having no self in the mentioned aspect is probably the saddest state a person could be in; one that has no belonging, existence, or purpose.

We are commanded to love, respect, and be considerate for the needs of others, but in order to find happiness in doing the aforementioned, one should know who they are by having an identity. By knowing who I am and my purpose in life, the decision making and plans that come after are often less complicated. I know then where my responsibilities and accountability lie, and this in turn sharpens me to increase on my abilities and capabilities. With an understanding of the whole self, I would then be able to embark on a future that would do proud any parent, family, and society.

Where then would the line measure of self-centeredness begin? Do I have to make every plan and decision in my life based on the effect it has on others, in the sense that I should never do anything I want that benefits me, and thus making me happy, for it might not be what others want or have in mind for me? If things were measured in the definition above, I would then admit that I am pretty much very self centered. I wish to be independent and stubborn with what I want. If I have relented and listened to the voices that bid me to be "selfless" I would have never had the opportunity to set foot in TCU, or have the dreams I have today.

As immature children, we need guidance in making decisions and plans only because we did not know right from wrong or understand who we are enough to be able to take care of ourselves. But growing up to be independent means that we should be able to stand on our own feet, taking up responsibilities, and fend for ourselves. By equipping ourselves for the future, we move forward in leaving home, supporting ourselves, and start a new life progressing forward.

Please do not get me wrong as I do not mean that we should shut out our parents or to severe ourselves from family connections; nevertheless, what I mean is that we respect and consider their opinions, but do not feel obligated that we have to do everything for someone else by displacing our dreams, hopes, and what we want to do for ourselves. There is nothing wrong to plan and act for a future that coincides with our search for happiness, but by doing so does not mean that we are being selfish and disrespectful. It should be carried out thoughtfully and responsibly without bringing a serious burden to others. But then again, if it means so much to us, would not the people who love us be encouraging and supportive? They do want us to be happy, right? If by holding back on what we really wanted to do just to appease others, would it not be devastating when we start to blame others that they were the ones who made us give up our dreams and cut short out potential?

Thinking about the above in turn sheds light upon the question of "Is there such thing like a selfless good act?" Does it mean that when we helped others we should never benefit from it or be happy, even to the extent that we should not give ourselves a nice pat on the back? The future is ours to embrace. I do not have a habit of looking back, and although many might think that I am cruel and heartless, I will continue to do so. However, even though I do not look back, it does not mean that I do no cherish all the memories and everything that was learned in the past. I will carry these with me and look forward to a future that we could all be happy for one another, together.