Wednesday, November 5, 2008

It is November and I need to vent...

Busy would not suffice for my lack of communicating lately. I am busy and have tonnes of work to be completed, but I am slowly burning out. My mind wonders and I seek pleasures in my addiction of online games. I technically spent 75% of my time outside class sitting in front of a computer. I am easily distracted. I play TALISMANIA. My addiction is bad, I will keep playing the game for hours, at work or while doing homework with the excuse that I am taking a break... Yeah, a break that goes for at least 1.5 hours!!!

Many things have been eating my mind and concentration, too many in fact that when I think about letting them out even I would find myself crazy and disorganized with the bulk load of random thoughts. I would like to just sit down and spill my guts out. Not just to anyone, but someone who seriously cares. I don't deny it. I am seeking for attention, but one that is responsive and that my audience do give a d@mn about what I think and feel. I miss...

... going on a date. I miss going out with someone (regardless gender and proximity) who is really interested to get to know me better, how I am keeping, is not judgmental, and find my rants and thought amusing or maybe entertaining even. I miss my evening walks, my English and grammar class, my sit in the parks, having a meal or coffee together... Joy, the RA, came by yesterday and gave me coffee since places were giving out free food and drinks for voters. She passed me a latte from Starbucks. I looked at the take out cup that adorned with Christmas designs... sigh! Just a year ago, I would have been having coffee at the best tasting Starbucks nation with people I would rather spend all my time with--loved ones and decent dates.

The closest I have to going on a date and having cute guys around is reading to JJ this morning. He's two and he is adorable... so are my reading buddy and the 5th graders I teach. Yup, the men in my life. How exciting! And I am feeling some pressure from a recent email dad sent.

Man! What a morning! The morning after the election. Many have ask how I think about it and how it affects me. Seriously, I would say I am indifferent to the whole ordeal but am only interested to see how the ripple of its effects would affect me. For starters, my roomies and I were never that united to watch TV right into the wee hours of the morning on a week night. All 4 of us were found in bed this morning. (B has been sleeping in the living room for the past 10 days to 2 weeks as she was working on her senior project, and Colleen has been away since Friday.) The other thing was that I really do not have a taste for politics but take interest in how it will affect me as an international student and a future teacher. Thus I look at issues of education and foreign policy/immigration. With a campaign promises of reformation, I would say that I lean towards Obama, but then again, it is only in the weight of the words of a politician. I only look forward to what is going to happen.

The aforementioned are just a glimpse of the tip of the iceberg the pandemonium in my head. I just need to unload and hopefully find someone I am comfortable speak to. I can only do so much with Skype but it would mean the world to me if there is just someone who would sit down right here, right now, and engage...
IS ANYONE OUT THERE???

3 comments:

tabbydlim said...

wow. i feel exactly like how you feel.

suemae said...

maybe we should carve pumpkins... but right now i am not too sure whether handling sharp objects would be a good idea. Holloween is gone and it would be just creepy to carve scary faces...

KK said...

hi
i read ur blog today.. these days, I m also wasting a lot of time, dont know.. whts the reason.. but i feel guilty about it...