Psychology has always been one of my favorite subjects in the humanities. I find this discipline extremely helpful in bringing equilibrium in the crazy life of the bunny. Concepts and theories of the study of the human mind and function has been giving insights to all the whys I have been asking since I could remember. I would say I am complicated, but would that just be a reflection of the egoncentrism according to Piaget's Theory of Cognition?
I used to think that I am one kid with a seriously messed up head. Internal conflicts plagued my thoughts as I always thought by being told that it is all within the mind. However, it is by addressing such issues in my head and using life experience that I am able to seek peace in finding out that environmental factors beyond my control have part in forming my thoughts and the development of my mind. With what I have learned from conversations and time spent with significant people, I am able to use psychology to highlight the times when I was in distress and how I was practicing therapy. Thank God for wisdom and knowledge in this area that I am not a cracker now. Am I strong? Being politically correct, I would say I am resilient.
From the issues of middle child-syndrome to dealing with the passage of adolescence, I am thankful for every incident of my life that makes it as wacky and crazy as it is today. My lessons and independent studies in my tertiary educational years have helped me solidify my thoughts and I plan to use my strengths in this discipline to help others. I may not be a professional or licensed practitioner but I have been commended for being a good counselor and pseudo-therapist. My top patient is myself! How great it is that I have some strengths in this area that I do not have to go seek professional help that would cost thousands!
In challenging times I get to see things from an array of perspectives unknown to most people. Yes, people often think that I am crazy, but I have my ways and if I am still functioning well physically, emotionally, socially, and mentally without being on any medication I would say that I am THAT good. Putting self-esteem and efficacy aside, by taking this subject seriously I am also slowly getting to know the threats I put myself into. The latest findings is that I am slightly bulimic, or rather, facing bulimia nervosa in the early stages. I might be denying it by giving myself reasons that I love my food and can't stop eating, but in those excuses lie the truth coupled with my emotional roller-coaster of constant fear and despondence that in fact the eating disorder is within me. Have no worries, it is still at the wee-early stages and I do not think I have the guts to go puke myself silly.
Well, that is of the latest of my psychological issues apart from my psychosocial war fares of depression. Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde lives!
Saturday, June 28, 2008
Wednesday, June 25, 2008
The American Toll
Spotting a t-shirt/farmer's tan, bug bites that lasts for a least a week, deteriorating complexion, and the American food culture building up in my system, I think I am having a case of 六月病(roggatsu byou). I feel tried and the mood swings are on rampant. I have tonnes that need to be done but see myself slacking off, succumbing to waves of emotions. This is pathetic. I guess this is a spin off the Japanese 五月病(gogatsu-byou), a psychological phenomenon that settles in the month after a big change. Excuses? Maybe...
Maybe this is just the time of the year in my books that I feel down pretty easily. Time to whip out the ice-cold front and the iron lady in me. I have pretty lost my appetite but I eat more than needed to compensate for something. MAN! THIS IS DEPRESSION... yeah right.
Classes are going on fine but I am slacking with my work. My volunteer work hours are going just 'great,' but I do hope that I will be able to get some form of a steady income soon. I can't even go for retail therapy as I need to be frugal in order to pay upcoming tuition, not to forget that since I do not have my wings, I am pretty much grounded on campus unless someone drives me out. Having no income yet I have to commit myself to picking up after people's trash, weeding and gardening, paperwork...need a car, need a driving license... It sure sucks to be me.
Let me rant! The Prof tried to loosen us a little before the exam yesterday evening saying "At least you know where you will be 6 months from tomorrow." Christmas. Great... where will I be?
I seriously need to meet more people. I am not being an ingrate left last week and Sunny leaves today. as I do enjoy the time I have in the summer-all-women's-dorm, but it is only natural for the bunny to have some male friends. I have made friends with 2, and spend a lot of time having the best of times; however, Hiroshi left yesterday and Sunny leaves this evening. Pfffft... This is the best time for the boys to come to the rescue. HINT HINT HINT! ... ... ... sigh.
Well, emotions only lasts for 30-45 seconds. It is only when we feed our thoughts and time on it that it stretches itself out and lasts for hours or even days. Time to crack the whip and get some work done. Yep... drowning myself in work would help... maybe.
Maybe this is just the time of the year in my books that I feel down pretty easily. Time to whip out the ice-cold front and the iron lady in me. I have pretty lost my appetite but I eat more than needed to compensate for something. MAN! THIS IS DEPRESSION... yeah right.
Classes are going on fine but I am slacking with my work. My volunteer work hours are going just 'great,' but I do hope that I will be able to get some form of a steady income soon. I can't even go for retail therapy as I need to be frugal in order to pay upcoming tuition, not to forget that since I do not have my wings, I am pretty much grounded on campus unless someone drives me out. Having no income yet I have to commit myself to picking up after people's trash, weeding and gardening, paperwork...need a car, need a driving license... It sure sucks to be me.
Let me rant! The Prof tried to loosen us a little before the exam yesterday evening saying "At least you know where you will be 6 months from tomorrow." Christmas. Great... where will I be?
I seriously need to meet more people. I am not being an ingrate left last week and Sunny leaves today. as I do enjoy the time I have in the summer-all-women's-dorm, but it is only natural for the bunny to have some male friends. I have made friends with 2, and spend a lot of time having the best of times; however, Hiroshi left yesterday and Sunny leaves this evening. Pfffft... This is the best time for the boys to come to the rescue. HINT HINT HINT! ... ... ... sigh.
Well, emotions only lasts for 30-45 seconds. It is only when we feed our thoughts and time on it that it stretches itself out and lasts for hours or even days. Time to crack the whip and get some work done. Yep... drowning myself in work would help... maybe.
Monday, June 23, 2008
Checking In
My phone rang twice for me in the last 72 hours. This happens to be a BIG things since I do not get calls much. The first of the self-proclaimed-handsome-guys invited me over to a small dinner get-together in spending time with S before he leaves, and AT called last night to check in with me since he hasn't seen me online of much and was wondering how I am holding fort in Chicagoland.
I am spinning WAAAAY off axis over here. Even though my daily schedule is pretty packed with civil labor in exchange for housing assistance and should be working on my homework, I have been preoccupied being a slacker that I have totally messed up my dates. I thought Father's Day was yesterday and only found out on Saturday by looking at the calendar that the 1st fell on a Sunday. That was why it did not seem to be that when everyone else in America was celebrating Father's Day a week ago, I thought things were different here. How dare I even open my mouth when I made a mistake. EMBARRASSING!!!!
School work is starting to pile up. I have an important test tomorrow and a research paper due on Thursday. Great! (>_<) And what have I been doing all these while in my free time? Socialization is good; therefore, chilling with N & S and TV time with M seems justified. I do deserve a spanking for spending too much time on my addiction for online games and reading manga. (o_O)!
Back to the phone calls... It is nice that I am able to carry a decent conversation with at least one of my ex-es. It was not just small talk but up-to-date ongoings about our lives and thoughts, fears and comfort. While I find it absolutely challenging to even exchange pleasantries with others who fall into the same category, I guess I am able to do so with AT is that time did make a difference. We were much younger then and I guess he was the guy who did give me the chance to work things out in my slower-than-average timing when it comes to dealing with emotional distress.
Well, it is good to be able to speak with someone who already knows me for who I am. Even though I do enjoy the company here and the new friends made, I still hesitate about talking too much about myself as I just wish to keep a low profile for now. The cycle starts the same way in every new setting. Nonetheless, my thanksgiving goes out to the people God has blessed me with the opportunity to be with.
I am spinning WAAAAY off axis over here. Even though my daily schedule is pretty packed with civil labor in exchange for housing assistance and should be working on my homework, I have been preoccupied being a slacker that I have totally messed up my dates. I thought Father's Day was yesterday and only found out on Saturday by looking at the calendar that the 1st fell on a Sunday. That was why it did not seem to be that when everyone else in America was celebrating Father's Day a week ago, I thought things were different here. How dare I even open my mouth when I made a mistake. EMBARRASSING!!!!
School work is starting to pile up. I have an important test tomorrow and a research paper due on Thursday. Great! (>_<) And what have I been doing all these while in my free time? Socialization is good; therefore, chilling with N & S and TV time with M seems justified. I do deserve a spanking for spending too much time on my addiction for online games and reading manga. (o_O)!
Back to the phone calls... It is nice that I am able to carry a decent conversation with at least one of my ex-es. It was not just small talk but up-to-date ongoings about our lives and thoughts, fears and comfort. While I find it absolutely challenging to even exchange pleasantries with others who fall into the same category, I guess I am able to do so with AT is that time did make a difference. We were much younger then and I guess he was the guy who did give me the chance to work things out in my slower-than-average timing when it comes to dealing with emotional distress.
Well, it is good to be able to speak with someone who already knows me for who I am. Even though I do enjoy the company here and the new friends made, I still hesitate about talking too much about myself as I just wish to keep a low profile for now. The cycle starts the same way in every new setting. Nonetheless, my thanksgiving goes out to the people God has blessed me with the opportunity to be with.
Friday, June 20, 2008
Afternoon At Woodfields
It was around 11am when I was awaken by the sounds of visitors looking at my room. "Man! What are they doing? I am still in bed!" I thought. I was up till 4:30 accompanying Minga in front of the TV watching 2 movies as she worked on her filing.
Nevertheless, my almost work-free weekend was made fun as I went to the mall with SunKyung, my summer roomie. We drove about 40 minutes to one of the largest mall in Chicagoland. Summer sales were happening everywhere. I was not really in the mood for clothes, but had a harvest of bath items and toiletries, my Starbucks Chicago City Mug, and feasting my palate on ColdStone's Strawberry Blonde.
I was planning to head downtown tomorrow but the muggy weather worries me. It would be nice to spend a day out visiting museums and the park... hmm, let's see what the weather brings in the next few hours. At the meantime, I seriously need to get some reading done.
Nevertheless, my almost work-free weekend was made fun as I went to the mall with SunKyung, my summer roomie. We drove about 40 minutes to one of the largest mall in Chicagoland. Summer sales were happening everywhere. I was not really in the mood for clothes, but had a harvest of bath items and toiletries, my Starbucks Chicago City Mug, and feasting my palate on ColdStone's Strawberry Blonde.
I was planning to head downtown tomorrow but the muggy weather worries me. It would be nice to spend a day out visiting museums and the park... hmm, let's see what the weather brings in the next few hours. At the meantime, I seriously need to get some reading done.
Wednesday, June 18, 2008
Japanese Brunch
Yummy! That was satisfying. (*^_^*)b
I got up this morning feeling hungry for some Japanese food. I was out at Arlington Heights with the D's for the RJC meeting and bought some rice and preserved plums from Mitsuwa. I was in the mood for onigiri at first, but when the rice was ready, I had the Sunday breakfast I used to have at Tsuchiura Megumi Church instead. The spread included an egg sunny-side-up, 2 sausages, nori, and kim-chi. Hmm, I should not have been lazy and made myself some miso soup too. (Laughs)
Anyways, since I made more rice than expected, I will have onigiri tonight or tomorrow. Yay! Now, I'd better go get my stuff done. No more slacking!
Tuesday, June 17, 2008
It arrived and everything is intact!
I received a notice from the CPO (Campus Post Office) today about a "big box at the CPO." Finally, the parcel I shipped from Macao the day before I left is here! It was a task transporting my stuff back to Ohio Residence Hall. I brought my backpack and my grocery bag to ease carrying 20kg of my stuff. Unpacking my stuff at the CPO itself and bagging them, I end up carrying my backpack, the grocery bag, another bag from the box itself, and sandwiching my MNG boots between my arms and body. It was definitely a sight to see.
Nonetheless, I am happy that all of my stuff is here... WAIT... I think there are still some stuff at my sisters. Anyways, I am elated that my Starbucks mugs are in good condition. I guess I will spend the afternoon sorting out my room and hopefully get some reading done. Oh yes, I still have to pop by the library before it closes too.
Hmm, I reckon this will be the 2nd last of my expected mail for the coming months. It would be nice to receive some post or care-packages from loved ones.... *HINT* I am not greedy. At this moment, even an email will keep me happy for a week.
Nonetheless, I am happy that all of my stuff is here... WAIT... I think there are still some stuff at my sisters. Anyways, I am elated that my Starbucks mugs are in good condition. I guess I will spend the afternoon sorting out my room and hopefully get some reading done. Oh yes, I still have to pop by the library before it closes too.
Hmm, I reckon this will be the 2nd last of my expected mail for the coming months. It would be nice to receive some post or care-packages from loved ones.... *HINT* I am not greedy. At this moment, even an email will keep me happy for a week.
Saturday, June 14, 2008
Party On Bunny!
It is a record for my social life this year being invited to parties 2 Fridays in a row. This time is was a "real" party. Although the crowd was small, it was just people hanging out while music played and people danced. I succumb to one of my vices and enjoyed a night of conversations with new friends made. My most enjoyable event of the evening was the game of spoons which started at the beginning of the night, took a break, and finished off the evening at about 2am!
SPOONS? Some of us know it as the card game of "heart attack." Every player starts off with 4 random cards and the objective of the game is to get a complete set of the matching "number." A card will be passed from a neighbor. One picks it up to see whether it is the card desired; otherwise, it would be passed along. 4 cards in every hand at all times. Once a player gets a complete set, s/he will reach for a spoon from the pile of spoons (a number less than the number of players) in the middle of the table and everyone soon follows. The person who does not have a spoon loses.
I was sitting next to Hiroshi and he started calling my name out prompting me to pass cards along faster. Soon the whole table started chanting my name and that lasted the whole night. For the first 10 rounds or so, people were just saying that until someone asked what it meant, and I went "That is my name." It is sure not easy to keep a low profile. We were inspired to play "ultimate spoons" where the spoons will be hidden around the room... kinda extreme...
(o_O)!
The party was a proper farewell to Hiroshi but we were waiting for Minga to show as it was also a surprise birthday party for her. She did not come, thus we moved the party back to the dorm on campus. N and I woke Minga from her sleep and we sang in whispers and hung out for another hour or so.
Now that is what I call, a FRIDAY NIGHT!
SPOONS? Some of us know it as the card game of "heart attack." Every player starts off with 4 random cards and the objective of the game is to get a complete set of the matching "number." A card will be passed from a neighbor. One picks it up to see whether it is the card desired; otherwise, it would be passed along. 4 cards in every hand at all times. Once a player gets a complete set, s/he will reach for a spoon from the pile of spoons (a number less than the number of players) in the middle of the table and everyone soon follows. The person who does not have a spoon loses.
I was sitting next to Hiroshi and he started calling my name out prompting me to pass cards along faster. Soon the whole table started chanting my name and that lasted the whole night. For the first 10 rounds or so, people were just saying that until someone asked what it meant, and I went "That is my name." It is sure not easy to keep a low profile. We were inspired to play "ultimate spoons" where the spoons will be hidden around the room... kinda extreme...
(o_O)!
The party was a proper farewell to Hiroshi but we were waiting for Minga to show as it was also a surprise birthday party for her. She did not come, thus we moved the party back to the dorm on campus. N and I woke Minga from her sleep and we sang in whispers and hung out for another hour or so.
Now that is what I call, a FRIDAY NIGHT!
Wednesday, June 11, 2008
A Trip To The Bridal Shop
"NO WAY!!!"
M and I went for a drive to Schaumburg today. We went to David's Bridal in search for a dress. A bride's maid's dress. When I stepped into the store a wave of emotions hit me like never before...
It brought back memories of Dad's wedding, and it gave me a glimpse of the future. To M, she was in a candy store. We were greeted with rows upon rows of bridal gowns on the right and dresses for the rest of the bridal party and prom dresses on the left. The place was huge and just by surveying the premises increased adrenaline.
M tried on the dress that was chosen for her while I scout around the store. In about 2 hours, we picked out the dress, ordered the right size, chose shoes and placed an order to have it dyed. We even had time to look at other dresses, matching purses and man! What an experience!
The best part about the trip is that M bought a beautiful dress (in addition to the bride's maid's dress that she was supposed to get) for only USD 30! $30 from the original price of $155!!! What a sale! I am happily content that I got to be a part of the whole experience, but returned with a brochure or two for "reference and concrete planning." We will be heading back to the store again when M tries on the bride's maid's dress that was ordered for a fitting. Hmm, I was a good girl for not diving into buying a dress today, but who knows?
"THAT SOON?"
"REALLY?"
M and I went for a drive to Schaumburg today. We went to David's Bridal in search for a dress. A bride's maid's dress. When I stepped into the store a wave of emotions hit me like never before...
It brought back memories of Dad's wedding, and it gave me a glimpse of the future. To M, she was in a candy store. We were greeted with rows upon rows of bridal gowns on the right and dresses for the rest of the bridal party and prom dresses on the left. The place was huge and just by surveying the premises increased adrenaline.
M tried on the dress that was chosen for her while I scout around the store. In about 2 hours, we picked out the dress, ordered the right size, chose shoes and placed an order to have it dyed. We even had time to look at other dresses, matching purses and man! What an experience!
The best part about the trip is that M bought a beautiful dress (in addition to the bride's maid's dress that she was supposed to get) for only USD 30! $30 from the original price of $155!!! What a sale! I am happily content that I got to be a part of the whole experience, but returned with a brochure or two for "reference and concrete planning." We will be heading back to the store again when M tries on the bride's maid's dress that was ordered for a fitting. Hmm, I was a good girl for not diving into buying a dress today, but who knows?
Tuesday, June 10, 2008
Summer is...
... fun in the sun!
I just got back from Six Flags Great America! Although a little toasted, stuffed on junk food, and exhausted, I had so much fun spending the day with the Ls and some international students (past, and present).
I love amusement parks, and being in America... Man! Amusement parks here are home to many cool rides and numerous roller-coasters. As a matter of fact, I think I have been on a little too many roller-coasters today that my head is starting to hurt (or was it caused by the heat?). In our 9 hours spent there, I think we covered a good number of rides, ranging from the traditional park attractions to the crazy contraptions that challenges G-force to the max. My favorite rides were Superman (it is a roller-coaster ride with our backs aligned to the ramp and having all fours dangling as if we were flying) and King Chaos (where we flipped madly 360. I could feel my belt moving towards my shoulders and my necklace tickling my nose).
Let's see... I can't remember the exact order but I think I got the first and last ride right.
Columbia Carousel
Batman, the ride
Chubasco M, P, and I shared a cup and we were sliding back and forth being tossed around. We laughed so much till our sides hurt. Minga's cell phone fell out of her pocket, but thank goodness I found it lying on the mat when the ride was over.
Whizzer
Raging Bull
Roaring Rapids What is a day out at the amusement park without getting wet?
Viper
Vertical Velocity I like this ride a lot. We started off immediately in high speed going back and forth. It was really neat.
Triple Play
The Orbit
Superman: The Ultimate Flight
Sky Trek Tower
Giant Drop
Fiddlers' Fling
King Chaos
Big Easy Ballons
You may check out details to the ride by clicking here. And enjoy more pictures by clicking here.
My throat is sore and I bet I have work to prepare for Thursday since I missed my first class of Human Development and Growth...
(^_^ ;) but it was all worth it! I sure hoped that I could have shared the day with Matthew and Sunil. I know they would have loved it too!
I just got back from Six Flags Great America! Although a little toasted, stuffed on junk food, and exhausted, I had so much fun spending the day with the Ls and some international students (past, and present).
I love amusement parks, and being in America... Man! Amusement parks here are home to many cool rides and numerous roller-coasters. As a matter of fact, I think I have been on a little too many roller-coasters today that my head is starting to hurt (or was it caused by the heat?). In our 9 hours spent there, I think we covered a good number of rides, ranging from the traditional park attractions to the crazy contraptions that challenges G-force to the max. My favorite rides were Superman (it is a roller-coaster ride with our backs aligned to the ramp and having all fours dangling as if we were flying) and King Chaos (where we flipped madly 360. I could feel my belt moving towards my shoulders and my necklace tickling my nose).
Let's see... I can't remember the exact order but I think I got the first and last ride right.
Columbia Carousel
Batman, the ride
Chubasco M, P, and I shared a cup and we were sliding back and forth being tossed around. We laughed so much till our sides hurt. Minga's cell phone fell out of her pocket, but thank goodness I found it lying on the mat when the ride was over.
Whizzer
Raging Bull
Roaring Rapids What is a day out at the amusement park without getting wet?
Viper
Vertical Velocity I like this ride a lot. We started off immediately in high speed going back and forth. It was really neat.
Triple Play
The Orbit
Superman: The Ultimate Flight
Sky Trek Tower
Giant Drop
Fiddlers' Fling
King Chaos
Big Easy Ballons
You may check out details to the ride by clicking here. And enjoy more pictures by clicking here.
My throat is sore and I bet I have work to prepare for Thursday since I missed my first class of Human Development and Growth...
(^_^ ;) but it was all worth it! I sure hoped that I could have shared the day with Matthew and Sunil. I know they would have loved it too!
Saturday, June 7, 2008
Mystery Phone Charge
Someone charged RM5 to my Malaysian Cell Phone number yesterday. I only found out this afternoon when my phone bugged me to charge its battery. I was puzzled because my sister herself suggested that I should just finish up my credits during my week in Japan as they would have expired by May 4. It could not be her... Why RM5? (o_O)?
The notification message regarding the credit charged was soon followed by a message informing me of a missed call 15 minutes later. I did not recognized the number... Who could it be? Thus far, only my sister would reload my card when I reminded her. Mom would not do it. Hmm...
Could it be the ghost of a past trying to contact me? I was tempted to call that number to check but decided not to. If it was important enough, s/he would try again. I am puzzled, a little intrigued, and would like to talk to someone specific about the matter... but am I thinking to much?
The notification message regarding the credit charged was soon followed by a message informing me of a missed call 15 minutes later. I did not recognized the number... Who could it be? Thus far, only my sister would reload my card when I reminded her. Mom would not do it. Hmm...
Could it be the ghost of a past trying to contact me? I was tempted to call that number to check but decided not to. If it was important enough, s/he would try again. I am puzzled, a little intrigued, and would like to talk to someone specific about the matter... but am I thinking to much?
Thursday, June 5, 2008
What Did I Get Myself Into...
I find myself sitting at the front row of the classroom in amazement. How could it be that a man of his late 40s or maybe even, early 50s be THAT energetic. The classroom layout was definitely for adults. Nevertheless, we had coffee and doughnuts, cookies and juice on the tables at the side of the room. On the desks, there are colored markers, labeled papers, sweets, and candy. Sitting through an orientation with Dr. D was informative and fun. I felt like a kid back in school being taught by the best teacher in the world.
Adults we all were in the room. As we go through the handbook, I found out that there is just so much to do in my few months here. By November, I should have everything ready. This is definitely no summer to slack. I need to get things done. I need to work that calendar. Even more, I need to be hitting the books.
I think I have made up my mind. I will take on the path to be a generalist. It sure seems like a lot of work till my first state exam, and I have no allowance for failure. Even more so, I need strength, discipline, and prayer. No more procrastination. I have to monitor my online game addiction and other internet vices. I am going to be a teacher and I have to be DEAD serious about it.
There is an invitation to a farewell party tonight. Maybe I should go. It will be a farewell to the sloth in me too. Party on!
Adults we all were in the room. As we go through the handbook, I found out that there is just so much to do in my few months here. By November, I should have everything ready. This is definitely no summer to slack. I need to get things done. I need to work that calendar. Even more, I need to be hitting the books.
I think I have made up my mind. I will take on the path to be a generalist. It sure seems like a lot of work till my first state exam, and I have no allowance for failure. Even more so, I need strength, discipline, and prayer. No more procrastination. I have to monitor my online game addiction and other internet vices. I am going to be a teacher and I have to be DEAD serious about it.
There is an invitation to a farewell party tonight. Maybe I should go. It will be a farewell to the sloth in me too. Party on!
Wednesday, June 4, 2008
A Month
Wow! A month. I have been here for a month now. Need some time for that fact to sink in. There are days when it feels like I have been here longer than that. Please do not get this wrong, I mean it in a good way. I am settling in just fine. Doing the things that I am doing does help me get into a groove of some sorts. For all you who worry out there, I am moving along just fine. I have made some really good friends here. (Yeah, somehow it is really refreshing and amazing how things turn out to be. I do hope that things will only be better once the semester kicks-in in August.)
Thank you for your prayers. I would deeply appreciate it if you continue to support me in your daily conversations with the Almighty One. I reckon I would be able to complete the voluntary hours for housing, but I would need to start paying the school soon. Please pray that something good would come up soon to help support me in my personal expenses and serve as an income as I pay for tuition in the upcoming months.
Thank you for your prayers. I would deeply appreciate it if you continue to support me in your daily conversations with the Almighty One. I reckon I would be able to complete the voluntary hours for housing, but I would need to start paying the school soon. Please pray that something good would come up soon to help support me in my personal expenses and serve as an income as I pay for tuition in the upcoming months.
Tuesday, June 3, 2008
A Full Week
It has been a LONG while now since I had a a packed week's schedule penciled out in my organizer. Well, given fairness to the monotony of work, there isn't really much to put in my schedule apart from client meetings and candidate interviews, oh yes... and the occasional training. But I am talking about a week of events that I have to be present because I want to (and have to). This week gave me a flashback of what it means to be a student again.
MONDAY Grocery shopping and running personal errands
TUESDAY Meet Mrs. C for gardening at 9am. Briefing at Plant Operations for Bandits' games for summer
WEDNESDAY Cooking class/English tutoring at North Shore
THURSDAY Gardening with Mrs. C. Meet with Dr. D for Teachers Certification Program
FRIDAY Bandits' game volunteer hours in the evening
SATURDAY Bandits' game volunteer hours in the evening
SUNDAY Church. Bandits' game volunteer hours in the afternoon
My! And this is only summer! I wonder how would my schedule be like once the Fall semester begins? I should really get my class schedule and activities planned out now.
MONDAY Grocery shopping and running personal errands
TUESDAY Meet Mrs. C for gardening at 9am. Briefing at Plant Operations for Bandits' games for summer
WEDNESDAY Cooking class/English tutoring at North Shore
THURSDAY Gardening with Mrs. C. Meet with Dr. D for Teachers Certification Program
FRIDAY Bandits' game volunteer hours in the evening
SATURDAY Bandits' game volunteer hours in the evening
SUNDAY Church. Bandits' game volunteer hours in the afternoon
My! And this is only summer! I wonder how would my schedule be like once the Fall semester begins? I should really get my class schedule and activities planned out now.
Monday, June 2, 2008
Awkwardness
You know a relationship is pretty bad when the conversations are unpleasant, and if you and the other could not socially behave yourselves while sharing the room for a mere 30 minutes. It is even worse when you feel the awkwardness in the presence of someone that is beyond the PC screen, sandwiched by cyber space, and thousand of miles away.
It bugs me. It shows that I still care, but yet, I am not ready to deal with it. I need time. I need wisdom.Will you be patient enough to wait for me? Or have you already written me off? Hmm, maybe these are questions I should ask myself.
Sunday, June 1, 2008
June Bug
I was speaking to someone at church today. She is a very friendly Japanese lady who played a role in translating a contract drafted by STF with the program I am involved with. It is amazing to see how the network of God's work. Our conversation was intriguing as she mentioned certain issues of identity. Me being stubborn to my belief, was challenged.
Whether you agree or not, we strive for the ideal. That is why we introduce concepts of the ideal in our personal life and society. Nevertheless, humans are plagued by sin, and its downfall is that we think too highly about ourselves. We tend to generalize and stereotype others, but are we aware that we are also submitting ourselves to be a stereotype too?
Many would think that we are done with identity issues once we pass our mid 20s, but in fact, our identities are often challenged as we are easily swayed to how people think of us. In my short weeks in America, I learned that discrimination still exist. People try not do let ethnicity be a "problem," nevertheless, they categorize humans based on their background, socioeconomic power, the way they speak, etc. It is rather puzzling that even though America is a country of immigrants regardless of skin color, people still classify themselves to where their ancestors originated. Maybe they are taking pride in their roots, maybe they are insecure of who they are.
I call myself a Malaysian because I hold firm to the ideal that although my ancestors were immigrants to the country, I find my identity as a person born in that country, a country where racial harmony ideally exist, that I am a product of an ideally multiracial and multicultural community and nation. I can not deny my biological composition and features that I am Chinese, but I would never consent to be called (mainland) Chinese. I value my cultural background and traditions, but I find I am more inclined to be the "copy-amalgamate-excel" mentality and perfectionist culture of the Japanese. However, it does not end there. My strive to be recognize as an individual stems only from a western thought. Thus, with a complex structure, how would I classify myself? Social class or earning power? Hah! Being back in academia, that hardly means anything.
My standing is that I am Suemae, just like a Japanese child who is asked, "Are you Chinese?" "I don't know." "Are you Korean?" "I don't know." "What are you, then?" "I am Ken." Although this simple child may grow up and start searching for his identity and only find that he belongs with the Japanese community, I have been through that every time I move into a new context. I find my identity in Christ and the rest, although defines my background, does not control who I choose to be. I wish to live my life respecting each individual I encounter for who they are and not by the cultural baggages they carry (although sometimes some do fall into the stereotypes, which I would leave that for another discourse). Kids do not care who they are friends with, only until people tell them. Their perceptions and orientations about others are the products of people inflicting discriminating thoughts on them. Isn't it sad?
Someone once mentioned that I am like a wild lily, being able to take root and grow wherever I am. I have been in enough changes of environments that I am starting to see that the compliment carries truth. Nonetheless, I am only human, and without the grace from above, I would never be able to do it on my own. Even though I am in a new context and environment, i still find joy in sharing memories with new friends. I would say it is a blessing indeed.
I attended a very traditional Japanese church worship service at a large church in downtown Chicago today. The service was exactly the same as most churches in Japan and even the fellowship that followed after resembled those I was familiar with. It was a nice day for a drive and on our way back, we stopped by MITSUWA, a Japanese supermarket with a Japanese foodcourt. I had a piece of my Japan today and could not help but smile to myself.
Thank you, CD. Thank you, JD.
Whether you agree or not, we strive for the ideal. That is why we introduce concepts of the ideal in our personal life and society. Nevertheless, humans are plagued by sin, and its downfall is that we think too highly about ourselves. We tend to generalize and stereotype others, but are we aware that we are also submitting ourselves to be a stereotype too?
Many would think that we are done with identity issues once we pass our mid 20s, but in fact, our identities are often challenged as we are easily swayed to how people think of us. In my short weeks in America, I learned that discrimination still exist. People try not do let ethnicity be a "problem," nevertheless, they categorize humans based on their background, socioeconomic power, the way they speak, etc. It is rather puzzling that even though America is a country of immigrants regardless of skin color, people still classify themselves to where their ancestors originated. Maybe they are taking pride in their roots, maybe they are insecure of who they are.
I call myself a Malaysian because I hold firm to the ideal that although my ancestors were immigrants to the country, I find my identity as a person born in that country, a country where racial harmony ideally exist, that I am a product of an ideally multiracial and multicultural community and nation. I can not deny my biological composition and features that I am Chinese, but I would never consent to be called (mainland) Chinese. I value my cultural background and traditions, but I find I am more inclined to be the "copy-amalgamate-excel" mentality and perfectionist culture of the Japanese. However, it does not end there. My strive to be recognize as an individual stems only from a western thought. Thus, with a complex structure, how would I classify myself? Social class or earning power? Hah! Being back in academia, that hardly means anything.
My standing is that I am Suemae, just like a Japanese child who is asked, "Are you Chinese?" "I don't know." "Are you Korean?" "I don't know." "What are you, then?" "I am Ken." Although this simple child may grow up and start searching for his identity and only find that he belongs with the Japanese community, I have been through that every time I move into a new context. I find my identity in Christ and the rest, although defines my background, does not control who I choose to be. I wish to live my life respecting each individual I encounter for who they are and not by the cultural baggages they carry (although sometimes some do fall into the stereotypes, which I would leave that for another discourse). Kids do not care who they are friends with, only until people tell them. Their perceptions and orientations about others are the products of people inflicting discriminating thoughts on them. Isn't it sad?
Someone once mentioned that I am like a wild lily, being able to take root and grow wherever I am. I have been in enough changes of environments that I am starting to see that the compliment carries truth. Nonetheless, I am only human, and without the grace from above, I would never be able to do it on my own. Even though I am in a new context and environment, i still find joy in sharing memories with new friends. I would say it is a blessing indeed.
I attended a very traditional Japanese church worship service at a large church in downtown Chicago today. The service was exactly the same as most churches in Japan and even the fellowship that followed after resembled those I was familiar with. It was a nice day for a drive and on our way back, we stopped by MITSUWA, a Japanese supermarket with a Japanese foodcourt. I had a piece of my Japan today and could not help but smile to myself.
Thank you, CD. Thank you, JD.
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